Why She Cuts

i cut myself for years. in the beginning i did feel alive but the more i did it the more guilty i got. and it became an addiction. i had to cut daily. soon everyone knew i was doing it because it was hard to hide. i eventually didnt care who saw. and after i while, maybe because ppl knew, it died down. i havent done it in a month. now when i cut i just kinda scratch. i still feel the need of a cold razor in my flesh. but i found a new way to get the pain i crave. tattoos and piercings. i like them plus i get the blood and a high from the pain. and you know...tattoos have helped me. i dont wanna ruin my ink. so slowly im covering my arms in tattoos. i dunno. a girl with a bunch of tats may seem icky, but i enjoy it. and i cut less. so..yeah.

Thats very true i know that when I cut my self it makes me feel... alive.

I need to talk to Beki. Maybe she can help me with my self injury problem...

no nasreen if the person doesn't want help they wont take it until then there is nothing that can be done

what do figures matter, the fact lies in why these young people mutilate their bodies. Therapy and mental treatment is the only cure.

i totally agree freegirl

i agree with bill smith life is hard get over it *** happens oh well if you're going to dwell on bad experiences then you might as well not even live, let alone bitch about it to strangers. join a f***ing support group bitch

towards the end of 9th grade i made the mistake of dating my best friend,he was the first person i ever loved and trusted with everything i had still to this day.he left after i turned 15 and walked out of my life.that one hit really hard,especially when every said he said that he left because i was crazy.that one really tore me apart, because he was the one telling me from day one i wasn't(found out later people lied thank god)to be continued a few months later it started out when the started messing around with my meds and i started doing it then it became a nervous habit,it never helped that i have a fascination with scars.I haven't done it in over a year but I've wanted to.so bad it burns.in 10th grade was the turn around i started taking my meds right and things got better well kinda,i started hanging out with a kid who claimed he loved me after talking to him for like and hour(i was lonely and *** retarded)he only came around because i stopped caring and i let him take over my body when ever he was around.he was a cutter as well.i lost track of how many anxiety attacks he managed to give me over the next few months but anyways.but once again everything got better,my best friend came back at last and things improved some what.he started to wake up emotions and feelings i thought were dead.I'm a control freak when it comes to my self so i put up all my walls and put in every amount of control i had so i wouldn't fall again then have him walk out of my life.i knew he was moving to Ohio with his dad because his mom and step dad were over bearing douche bags so i knew better then to get attached.I've never been one for relationships and i burn through them like crazy,but my 16th birthday rolled around and i got together with someone that is the only person i regret being with.but we are going to skip all those details for the moment.but needless to say i do have my happy moments,but they don't last forever.i have an overly harsh critic in my head that screams at me all the time,the anti depressants block some of it out,but not all.I'm on them mostly because the head is like an off tune radio and the screaming wont stop.it got to the point where i would walk through the halls at school and i can hear people screaming my name ans it got to the point where i wanted to rip my hair out and slam my head into a wall just to make it stop.i guess over time i traded one type of self abuse for another,i rip my self apart mentally all the time. have no regrets in my life i try to learn from everything:an error doesn't become a mistake unless you choose not to fix it,for there is no such thing as failure there are only ways to learn how not to do something.you will never learn if you do not pick your self up and put effort into it...I'm trying though i guess.

and don't worry about it yea i hear the same words all the time,but at least you are trying to help :)

deathdaname: yea I've was ten when they told me i had ADHD that was on the border of bipolar,i was put on meds after that,i was bullied a lot when i was younger,and when i got put on them i dropped like 50 lbs in 3 months,of course i loved it at first,but i despise that kind of attention,and everyone that bullied me before suddenly wanted to be my best friend.so i stopped taking them. i regret it because when i stopped taking them i *** up a lot of things,people hated me again,i thought i was kewl and went to 7th grade thinking i was a bad ass,i gained some friends but i scared more people off then anything,i got expelled of my 2 term of that year because someone called me a lesbian and i threatened to hunt down all the people who said it and kill them.i didn't go back to school that year of course,they kept me out because i was a goth,smart in both good and bad and the women i think honestly kept me out because she knew i wanted to get back to school really bad.well i sucked major ass started dressing like a prep and they let me come back in 8th grade.needless to say i came back in bondage pants and fishnets lol.the day i got off probation of that year i got kicked out again for two reasons.one i pissed off my friend and he said "bite me" i did and made him bleed.two these preppy *** say down at my table of losers and freaks,there were other tables they were just being cunts.they called me a satanist(i was a christian at the time)so i got up in there face and said yea I'm really a *** satanist I'm going to go sacrifice you right now,never mind you aren't worthy!yea that went over like a lead balloon and i was back to square one!they let me come back a few weeks later but the catch was:i was only allowed to wear light colored clothes,no make up,couldn't talk to my old friends,and if i even messed up once i was gone again.my mother being my mother sat back and let them do it to me.anyways i went back even though i was depressed and in misery.that spring and summer things got bad.i was in a relationship and i thought was the best that ever happened to me,everyone told me that he didn't love me and is cheating on me,i lived in denial the whole time we were going out,well the truth hit me really hard,he only talked to me cause he felt sorry for me,and didn't give a good rats ass.he tried to tell me other wise the whole time,after he left i shut down,and i started hearing and seeing ***.it hit me hard,on my 14th birthday i found out he was sleeping with two girls while i was sick with the flue.a few weeks later my grandma was found dead in her apartment by her mom.so things just kept building.then towards the end of summer everything just hit a wall and crashed.a kid i knew that i liked a lot was found dead from the choking game.it hit the two towns he hung out in really hard.anyways i started going to the high school and once again i did the same thing i did in 7th grade.towards the end of 9th grade i made a big mistake. to be