Why She Cuts

I actually used to inflict injury on myself due to guilt and perhaps other reasons. I would often do something as simple as dissapointing someone and "punish" myself. Now "punishing" myself does not sound that bad, but the punishment I speak of is quite similar to what I read in that article. Depending on what I did it may be as simple as just a cut on the finger, but if I messed up bad enough I might go as far as to stab myself in the shoulder with a knife, if at school then with a sharpened pencil. Sometimes I would hurt myself in these ways just to prove to myself I can deal with pain; I would usually only prove myself after being bullied or threatened though. The odd thing is though, I feel the pain yet it does not hurt if I inflict the pain myself(it still hurts if the pain is accidental).

I am not sure if everyone who cuts is like this, but I have also experienced what I believe to be delusions. I have often times thought I am unable to feel pain, believed I have a second personality, thought I have "seperated emotions"(that one only makes sense to crazy people like me), and other odd stuff; including believing myself to be a vampire and leaving deep bite marks in my hand. I do spend a lot of time on the computer, as it seems my friends who cut do the same, so perhaps this is some odd effect from being on the computer to often.

My blood also seems strangely attractive to me and once I see a little bit of my blood I wish to see more; this would cause me to make deeper cuts, usually on blood veins, in order to bleed more. I have even drunk my own blood before, but that was due to curiosity. I keep the razers off my shaver in a pen I take to school; yes I am a boy incase anyone believed boys never inflict pain on themself.

Some people cut to get attention, some people cut because they have friends who cut so they think they are cool. I personaly cut because it releives all of my pain and it makes you feel like a new person you don't care anymore about pretty much anything. I have cut with many things before like staples,the cuticles plyers,blades, sharp edges and even scissors. I started cutting at the age of 12 in 7th grade when I had some family problems and I had to deal with a sibling in war and I could not take it. Also I had to hide a deep secret of getting touched in places as a young child at the age of 6 and having to see that person at my house visiting everyday because of me and me being afraid to tell my parents. Cutting is sometimes something hard to hide because in the summer when you want to get in a bikkini and you are full of scares people will know or raising your hand in class and your long sleeve slides down.It has happend to me and yet I cant stop its like a high for me and I dont care what people think if you havent done it dont say things about it because you do not know how it feels.

i cut myself 4 times on my arm just recently. Ive been going to therapist since junior high and my first cut was when i was a junior in high school. so do therapist work. I dont think so. if u cant talk to ur parents how can u talk to another adult. and kids ur age dont know what to do but tell an adult. A doctor cant help by getting rid of ur problem with medication. great job on doctors spending all their money on researching instead of helping and getting to the bottom of the solution. also how do u explain it. I come from a family with no problems except the simple ones. no drug problems or drinking. no sexual or physical or verbal abuse. so why am i depressed almost 24/7 can u answer it?

when i first started cutting i told my mom every time i did,i never really understood why,but eventually i started hiding it.after what she said to me on December 2007,i lost most of my respect for her.i forgive her no doubt but i refuse to talk to her now.her comments burn holes through me,she is about the only person who does.i hate myself so bad its not even funny,i have an overly harsh critic in my head that screams at me all the time,the anti depressants block some of it out,but not all.I'm on anti depressants mostly because the head is like an off tune radio and the screaming wont stop.it got to the point where i would walk through the halls at school and i can hear people screaming my name ans it got to the point where i wanted to rip my hair out and slam my head into a wall just to make it stop.i guess over time i traded one type of self abuse for another,i rip my self apart mentally all the time.i guess it goes back to my child hood.all i know is I'm a control freak when it comes to myself,i try to everything for everyone and of course i end up failing.i miss cutting really bad sometimes there's a part of me telling me to do it.and it wont go away.I'm starting to give into a destructive life style,the cutting,inner self hatred,I've been bullied a lot when i was younger be it at home or school that's why I'm controlling about my weight.I'm terrified of gaining weight,no matter how much i lose its not enough for me.I'm to the point in want to throw away all the control Ive had shoved down my throat since before i could remember,the only thing that keeps me alive,out of a hospital,or stops me from running away it the guilt,its not the good kind either.and i will never tell my parents or councilor about this either.i don't want to here the comments from my family,if i tell my councilor about any of this i will probably get sent off and in comes the guilt and attention i hate and don't want.and when and if i ever get out things will go back to the way they were,i know at first everyone will try to baby me and give me attention(i hate attention)and then over time it will go back to the way it was.all i know is i would give anything to get a hold of meds that would make me 100% numb,I've lived a life with *** up emotions and i just want to make them go away.and FYI cutting is very addictive.its worse then drug addiction.you don't go into wal mart and see crack on the shelves or heroine,but what you do see is sharp objects,knives,go to the right part of the store and there are razor blades.i would give anything to make it all go away. bit i know it never will.

i have mi girl freind she cut her hands and nek whtever she keep hurt her slef by blades :S i tryed to stop her alot but she keep fallow the weird emo ppl :S dont know wht to do but i still love her ................

mi g.f is crazy she do that to fallow thatwerid emo ppl i hate that but wht i do i still love her ........ thanx for the topic

Sorry about all of the ??? in my comment, I typed it up in Word and then something weird must have happened when I transferred it onto here. Again, sorry about that.

I had to cut my post in half, sorry about that.

The second thing I wanted to say with my comment, is someone already mentioned To Write Love On Her Arms briefly, but I wanted to take it a little bit further. If you decide to look at twloha.com don???t??? get freaked out by the fact that it is a christian organization if you aren???t a believer, it was an organization founded on the story of a broken girl. And that girl???s story has been used as inspiration for the last two years to help kids with all kinds of struggles. Addiction, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, ect. If you???re looking for hope, whether a teen, a self-harmer, a parent, or a parent of a teen or a self-harmer??? I think that???s a good source. I know that they give me a lot of hope, and it helps to have a community of other broken people to make you realize that no matter how broken we may be, we???re all in this together. Again, the name of the organization is To Write Love On Her Arms and the website is twloha.com

God bless,
<3 Sarah

I don't want to get into an argument or type a huge long rebuttal to ???Bill Smith??? or ???thesaneone??? because honestly, we could type until we???re blue in the face??? and its not going to change their opinion on the matter. Its different when someone has some sort of want to understand, but these two guys obviously don???t otherwise maybe they???d be listening and trying to understand the comments made in here, rather than just trying to tear down people. There are two main reasons that I wanted to comment though. First off, Bill, you commented on a mother???s post and told her that no decent parent???s child could be a cutter. Well, to be blunt, bull ***. I love my mother to death, and she???s probably one of the best mom???s out there. But I???ve struggled with cutting since I was thirteen. Before you even dare say that obviously she isn???t as good as I say, I???m going to tell you to keep your mouth shut please, and just listen. Cutting is NOT about what your parents do or don???t do unless they abuse you or something along those lines. There are plenty of amazing parents who have cutters for children. Cutters tend to hide their addiction, and even their scars well. I know that even though most people think of cutters cutting their forearm I always chose places like my ankles, the upper part of my arm that was easily covered by a t-shirt, or the upper of my thighs that could be covered by shorts. Even the best of parents wouldn???t have known, how could they if they couldn???t see it and if my attitude didn???t change? Or maybe my attitude did change, it got better? Bill, you really need to accept the fact that while you may not understand self-injury at all, that it isn???t about attention and that it is a problem. People like you are the reason that cutters rarely do name themselves as such. Who wants to be persecuted for the one thing that gives them relief??? that makes them feel better? And I think that you disrespecting a mother of a cutter online is pure ignorant if you ask me. You don???t know what its like. But I do guarantee you this, there are self-harmers in your life that are terrified to tell you because of how judgmental you are about the subject. Maybe its your kid, maybe its another family member, or maybe it???s a close friend. But you need to stop being so closed minded about the whole thing so that you can be able to help them when they are ready to tell you.

all i know is I've been there,it started out when the started messing around with my meds and i started doing it then it became a nervous habit,it never helped that i have a fascination with scars.I haven't done it in over a year but I've wanted to.the one thing that makes me really mad are the people who are out there saying things like"cutters are pussies"stupid emo kids,they only do it for attention"but what they don't realize is kicking a wall when you are mad or smoking something when you are pissed is the same thing as what we do.and I'm not going to lie i used to be one of those people who said some of those mean and hurtful things about people who cut.and i realize now that i was stupid and wrong,and you will never truly understand us until you give into it.and it is very addictive.the last time i did was December 2007.my mother found out and screamed and degraded me.and told me that if I'm going to do it again i better do it again.and let my older sister call me a stupid emo kid and told me to go back to corner and die.and mom stood back and did nothing and made it sound like a joke.and even my dad who has had a screwed up life,abuse,neglect etc. didn't even say anything either until i came to him crying and screaming saying why aren't you doing anything?he told me it was because i had made him mad a few days before.need less to say i don't talk very often to people anymore i have a councilor but i cant tell her everything.some morning i wish they would screw around with my meds so i can cover my body is scars.the anti depressants I'm on help but its always there.all i know is I'm done talking to my family about anything.I don't want there comments like"you think your life is so hard?grow up and stop wining!i was raised with people who go by the saying suck it up and get over it.in the end its helped to a point but at the same time i stay silent and not say anything and let everything stay inside me and burn me alive.i don't what people to feel sorry for me because it does no good,and i don't want to add to anyone's problems, because i know there is worse out there.and once again i don't want to here there comments.and about the whole people who get treated bad are more likely to give into hurting them selves is true,I've been over weight most of my life,and have taken hell for i,its to the point where in terrified of getting big again I've list 40 lbs since my freshman year in school but to me that's not good enough.my sister has beat the hell out of for as long as i can remember,once again my mother thought it was a joke.i forgive everyone everyone in my life that has put me through hell because its made me who i am,and i try to learn from everything that happens in my life that is good or bad.i will not back down and I've still got a lot of fight in me left but i cant go on like this forever.Once again the ones out there with the same or worse problems,i feel your pain and hear your cries.and i wish you the best o