My Turn: Memories of Religious Terror in Kashmir | Newsweek My Turn

‘It Is Never Over, Never Escaped’

For years, only news from Kashmir could stir my nightmares of childhood terror. Then came Mumbai.

Published Jan 3, 2009

From the magazine issue dated Jan 12, 2009

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I am 11 years old. I am panting as I run alongside my parents through the dark, narrow, deserted lanes of my town in Kashmir. The carved-deodar windows and doors of the gable-roofed row houses on each side of the alley are shut. The thunder of the bombs is getting louder. The smoke of the gunfire is clouding my sight. The ground beneath my feet turns into a treadmill. The bang of explosions begins to wane, and we find ourselves at the steps of our home.

I cling to my mother's cold hand and watch my father wiping the sweat on his face with the sleeve of his pheran. The baby in his arms is sleeping peacefully. I pull open the heavy door with my little hands, but suddenly the sound of militants screaming for blood descends from the house. "Run, Daddy, run! You must save the child!" I slam the door against an insurmountable force.

I look at my father's face. He is torn and mute. The gunmen encircle us and invoke their gods and prophets raucously.

I whimpered and awoke.

I was in my bed in my New York apartment. My husband was kneeling next to me, reassuring me that I was no longer in Kashmir. It was only a nightmare. For once he did not complain that I was reading too much about Kashmir—the cause, he's said in the past, of my recurring nightmares. But this time, with the Mumbai terrorist attacks fresh in our minds, he didn't say anything.

For those who have lived through religious terror, it is never over, never escaped. It did not end with my displacement from Kashmir 18 years ago. It did not end with my migration to the States two and a half years ago. Terror, once experienced, transcends all real and unreal boundaries.

So even though I was not in Mumbai, I remain a hostage to the memories of jihadist terror. My nightmare traversed oceans and continents and returned as a lump in my throat three days after the Mumbai attacks. The violence there took me back to the first page, reanimating every memory that had been dormant, hidden by the euphoria of a normal life.

Main two things are apples and rice, besides that all vegetables, peaches, cherry and other fruits, we have aslo lot of walnut tress which are in other parts of kashmir. we have this year mustard crops also.
we rear sheeps cows & chicken also, this job is taken care by ladies but we have helpers also.
we have three ox also which we need for agriculture as tractor sometimes is a failure.
we have couple of horses also for our reda and one special horse which i use , i take care of horse.
we dont grow wheat
this winter i took pickle making in my hands and it was great success, usually our people fill pickle in big earthenware urns and keep them at top floor " kanee" what happens there is that it is too cold and the fermentation does not happen.
i try to tell villagers
in short we dont buy much stuff from market all things we use come from our agriculture.
mostly the agriculture practices are here developed by kashmirs themselves . govt agricuture department does nothing we learn nothing from them
what is do is that i have made some frinds in australia and france, france temp and kashmir w eather conditions are same and i have benifited from their advices
south kashmir zamindars are more intelligent then us north kashmir zamindars but we have this talent of producing apples in bulk and producing cash crops; south people have more variety and they are more hard working than us
recently in the days of ecomomic blockade from jammu our pulwama and pampore people said that we can supply food stuff for whole srinagar for continus three months if blocakde continues

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Posted By: henry123 @ 06/05/2009 11:28:10 PM

LOL you guys are funny keep it up.
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Posted By: Marazi @ 03/27/2009 4:49:22 PM

Main two things are apples and rice, besides that all vegetables, peaches, cherry and other fruits, we have aslo lot of walnut tress which are in other parts of kashmir. we have this year mustard crops also.
we rear sheeps cows & chicken also, this job is taken care by ladies but we have helpers also.
we have three ox also which we need for agriculture as tractor sometimes is a failure.
we have couple of horses also for our reda and one special horse which i use , i take care of horse.
we dont grow wheat
this winter i took pickle making in my hands and it was great success, usually our people fill pickle in big earthenware urns and keep them at top floor " kanee" what happens there is that it is too cold and the fermentation does not happen.
i try to tell villagers
in short we dont buy much stuff from market all things we use come from our agriculture.
mostly the agriculture practices are here developed by kashmirs themselves . govt agricuture department does nothing we learn nothing from them
what is do is that i have made some frinds in australia and france, france temp and kashmir w eather conditions are same and i have benifited from their advices
south kashmir zamindars are more intelligent then us north kashmir zamindars but we have this talent of producing apples in bulk and producing cash crops; south people have more variety and they are more hard working than us
recently in the days of ecomomic blockade from jammu our pulwama and pampore people said that we can supply food stuff for whole srinagar for continus three months if blocakde continues
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Posted By: Bharat kashmiri @ 03/27/2009 4:55:36 AM

What do you grow ?like is it apple ,almonds ,rice ,vegetables or wheat ?