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The parent of two preteens himself, Christakis advises parents to follow his example—educate themselves about the Internet and create their own profiles even if they are daunted by the technology. He says he had trouble setting up his own profile initially, but it started a great conversation with his son. Any parent can do it, he says. Parents take it upon themselves to check out who their kids are friends with in the real world, so why not online? "The digital divide between the rich and poor is virtually gone, but now there is a new gap; parents are increasingly clueless about what kids do online," he says. Even though teens might not want their parents looking at their profiles, it is a parent's responsibility to check how their teen is representing him or herself, the researchers say, especially if the profile is public.

Adria Shipp, a counselor in North Carolina's Alamance-Burlington school system, echoes those sentiments and has written about sites like MySpace as tools for mental-health professionals' toolkits. Parents should ask their kids to go over their profiles with them, or if the profile is private, even insist they become "friends" online, she says. She advises counselors and parents to talk to teens about why they accept certain people as friends online" and question if their teens know them in real life. Christakis says the time to start these conversations and for parents to educate themselves about technology like MySpace is even before their kids are interested in it. Shipp advises adults to try to sit down with their kids even while their kids create their profiles to head off any risky disclosures.

But where does your teen's privacy come in? According to Shipp, it's best if you go over the site together, but if a profile is listed as public—it is just that. Christakis agrees that although your teen may not be excited about it, you're the parent and it's your responsibility to make sure your teens are safe and representing themselves in ways they won't regret later. "Most teens don't appreciate having a curfew or rules at home, but having rules is essential to healthy development," Moreno says. Shipp says if parents are anxious about respecting their teens' privacy then they can enlist an aunt or some other adult in their teen's life to serve as a bridge for discussing the issue.

Some studies say there is a risk that teens will just clean up their profiles to be parent-rated and then create an alternative one—with the objectionable material intact. But Moreno says that her current research suggests that it's too much trouble for most teens to maintain more than one profile.

Of course, there are a number of complications and concerns that can arise when teachers or counselors contact kids online. In Forsyth, N.C., being "friends" with a student on a social-networking site is grounds for dismissal, Shipp says. The policy is geared toward blocking inappropriate contact, she explains. But "how can we help them, if we can't keep all the lines of communication open?" she asks. Software that blocks school computers' access to social-networking sites also prevents staff from checking on concerns students have about online material in other students' profiles.

Although these health professionals see real promise in the opportunities to use MySpace and similar sites to reach youths, there may be other drawbacks to bringing more adults into this largely teen sphere. Although teens may see MySpace as their space for social voyeurism and an opportunity to explore aspects of their identity, some of the actions they claim to take—like smoking marijuana or drinking underage are illegal, and actionable. Campus police at Western Carolina University have been known to give out drinking citations to students if they have seen pictures of underage students with alcohol published online. And a party invite on Facebook promising lots of alcohol led to its breakup by police in Gaston County, N.C., earlier this month, after the invitation was passed on to them by a watchful adult. Moreno likens parental involvement online to telling teens how to dress: "You want to give leeway, but you don't want your teen walking out wearing a T shirt saying I LIKE DOING DRUGS. It's important for teens to know that even if you are not looking, over 200 million people are."

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  • Posted By: nitsnitz @ 05/20/2009 4:42:53 AM

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  • Posted By: jamiegurl101 @ 02/06/2009 1:04:23 PM

    i'm 19 years old and i still have family telling me what to do and what not to do i dont even write down stuff i want to vent about because i know it will be used Against me. I could do one thing and later on it will be turned around and said i did this with so and so and i would be the one getting into truble for something i did not do that's why i dont allow ceartin people into my stuff because i know who they are and what there going to say next.

  • Posted By: BlackDust @ 01/09/2009 12:16:39 AM

    Wow cant people take control of their own life instead of telling teenagers what to do with theirs? I wish the snooping and "directing" would stop because its disgusting. I understand that safety is a concern but you cant completely stop things from happening because theres a thing called a will. Everyone has a reason for doing something whether its for fun from LIVING THEIR LIFE or having some other intention. I don't like when parents basically want to put you in a cage and lock the key then except you to be happy about them restricting your ability to be a person. You go through life making mistakes and getting in trouble but every situation shapes you into the person you'll become. You have to face the world with the right attitude while finding out who you are and want you want for your future but you cant do any of that if youve got parents and other people telling you to do this and that. Im angry with people who think that others should think like they do or that they should live their life a certain way. As long as im not hurting anyone then im gonna keep doing what i want whether its right or wrong. I dont want to be someone that isnt happy just because of expectations well you know what if its bad criticism with how i live my life then look at your own and pick out the things youve done that werent right and impacted someone else then tell me if you still think your able to say that you didnt learn something from all that and am judging others because your bored or just selfish. I dont regret doing the things that have made me happy and benefit me. YOU COULD DIE AT ANYTIME, YOUNG OR OLD! I never want to miss an opportunity that will be worth it. If you dont go through things then how are you gonna relate to people and give advice to your kids in the future? So maybe teens are experiencing things that dont make society make look good but oh well. I very much know the consequences to the decisions i make but i obviously dont care because i will do it if i really want to. I want my kids to be living life happily and ill always support the choices they make as long as it dont harm another human being. People like you are making the world *** up because we are showing more intelligence and taking freedom for the word it is. MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS AND REALIZE THE MEANING OF LIVING OK! You can say all you want to change someones mind and try to stop certain actions but in the end the person is gonna make up their own mind sooner or later. Thank you very for this article its just made me hate how people like you cant relax and just chill unless your tormenting and brain washing the teen minds to be just like you. Everyone is different and i definitely know how i want to live my life and none of that concerns the ones that should be focusing on themselves.

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