Settling for Second Best

But again, it is true. Many of these attitudes will change once the children have children of their own. I know I never appreciated all my mom went though till I became a mom myself. However, if I do ask my mom for her opinions I am always careful to be respectful about them. That's what I guess my goal is to try to foster with my own young adult daughter but times have changed and kids are much more "familiar" now a days.

I'm guessing not being picked as the "role model" is probably not what is really bothering Tina. Like me, she may really be more worried about not being as "close" to her daughter emotionally as she thought she was. Now that my kids are grown and successful they often turn to me for advice.... but very very rarely do they actually TAKE it. I feel like the mid to late "20's" years are kind of a repeat of the teen years.... They know how successful you are so they want to emulate you... yet they don't want YOU to know it. When my daughter asks my opinion and I give it to her, she always responds as though I am an idiot. Then a week later, she has totally taken my idea and run with it. It is painful that she bashes my ideas and amusing when she uses them later. When I mentioned that I did not want to give my opinions because of the hurt I felt when she made fun of them, she became very upset and said she needed to be able to bounce ideas off me. All our lives we seemed to be the best of friends. Now she is kind of in a user phase, building her own success from mine. I think maybe Tina is just wondering where she stands, which is what I am wondering too.

What is with most of the anti-Ms. Elmore comments here? I think what she is saying is perfectly valid. It seems like everyone acts like a mother is "just doing her job" but if a father does something then it's more "special"or something!

Some of the people here don't get it. I think Ms. Elmore's comments are perfectly valid. Seems like mothers always get ignored while the fathers get the praise when they've done little or nothing in many cases! I'm a divorced mom and it galls me when I see people look at women who raise kids alone as 'just anoher single parent' but yet if it's the FATHER raising them it's like he deserves a medal or something. These days everything seems skewed toward the father and NOT the mother...and I think that stinks!

If you are always helping your kids how did you have time to write this? If your daughter read this, I feel really bad for her. Ya and what is with the six toes???

If you are always helping your kids how did you have time to write this? If your daughter read this, I feel really bad for her. Ya and what is with the six toes???

You sound like an ungrateful mom who deserves nothing more than your life on this planet. You sound like the meanest person alive. And am i right you have SIX toes you freak of nature! :/

So why is it so frowned upon to "aspire to be a stay-at-home Mother?" Some of these very bitter comments make the JOB of being at home sound worthless and having no value. What a pathetic culture we've created for ourselves -- scrutinizing a parent's choice to be home with their kids. I get so sick of hearing "I work AND do all that a stay-at-home Mom does." A (paid) working Mom (who has help, like a Nanny) will never understand what it means to be home full-time. Being home is more than just bake sales and diapers. But those of you who view it as only that will never understand the bigger reason to be home. I don't care who my kids pick as a role model. I just hope that person isn't as critical, judgmental or bitter as some of you readers.

I'm sure it's the mum who always imbibes the feeling in the kids, which after some time, becomes a part fo their belief system that their Dad is greatest. dad, for obvious reasons, neither has time nor the conditioning to say their kids that their mum is the best. So mums are alwyas second best, next to dad.

It's perhaps the mum who has imbibed the feelings, which has now become the daughter's belief system that her papa is the best, and best always deserves to be the role model. The dad, on the other hand , for obvious reasons,has no time or conditioning to repeatedly convince the kids that their mum is the best. So, mums are always second best!!!

Wow, what a jealous and vindictive person you are. Of course we only have your side of the story to show us how wonderful a human being you are. After writing this article, I hope you take some time to explore some of the darker side of your personality, like, are you the type of person that tries to manipulate people by making them feel guilty? Looks like the answer is yes. Asking your daughter about why she chose dad was not about being curious, it was about you feeling hurt and wanting to hurt her back. I know you knew she would feel bad before you even ask (any reasonable intelligent adult would know that). You just wanted revenge, and wanted to hurt her in a subtle way so you can plead Plausible deniability. Now you are writing an article about it to get approval and justification for getting revenge on your daughter by making yourself the victim in this story, give me a break. Your picture should go next to the definition for passive aggressive.

As a girl, my heart belonged to my father. As a woman, I look to my mother.
An alternate beginning could have read like this: I cook. I carpool. I volunteer. I do everything for my (family). So, of course, my husband has gone out and had an affair! and my daughter's role model is... her dad?
How's that for parenthood, cupcake?

I lived a similar life and my daughter always, always idolized her Dad. I wouldn't want to detract from the loving, kind, sensitive, generous man he is; but, it does hurt not to have all that you have sacrificed for your children (including a career) be acknowledged in an important way as a role model. I agree that when my daughter becomes a mother herself, an epiphany will occur. Or, at least, I can only hope.

The title of the article gives it all away. Ms. Elmore views herself as second best because she chooses that role. As a mother of two fine boys, my absolutely delight is hearing them express their views, thoughtfully, comprehensively, weighing good and bad. Even if their opinions aren't mine, I am pleased beyond words to know I've raised independent, thoughtful, opinionated chilldren. If I'm not their role model, I can live with that. Why? Because whatever they become, whoever they choose to emulate will be only part of who they are. The most important part will be chosen by them, based on their insightful deliberation and choices - and that is a legacy anyone should be proud to live with.

As another Huntington Beach stay at home mom (though I do not know Ms. Elmore), I must say that if either of my daughters ever said I was their "role model" and aspired to do what I do, I would be disgusted by their laziness and extremely worried they weren't aiming high enough to do well in this world. If my girls are lucky and choose to also stay at home with their kids, I would hope they first experience what it is like to succeed in a world outside of a suburban tract home, and they aren't going to get there aspiring to change diapers and run bake sales.

Super Mom Tina Elmore looks like a very nice, well to do, well educated young mother. The photo indicates that her Huntington Beach, California home must be a utopia and the essay she has produced for all of us to read is something to which many of us can relate as parents. I just wish she hadn't so precisely quoted her two girlfriends who said they would have been "pissed off".
I would like to see American Authors clean up the pages our magazines and newspapers.
Thanks for listening. KP Polly Columbia, MO

Motherhood is the summation of many daily tasks that are often invisible until they are not done. It's only once we become parents ourselves that we can fully appreciate our own mothers. Tina Elmore's day is coming once her daugher has her most important job, Mother.

A role model is a person that you wish to emulate; someone who is a model for what you want to be.

Do you really want your high-achieving daughter to aspire to stay at home and care for children without nurturing her own talents? And if so, do you want that for your son?

You seem to take it for granted that your daughter has two decent parents to choose from as role models. What better gift - for either parent - that your children have this blessing. My sister raised three boys without their father, who chose to desert them when then were young, She would have given ANYTHING all these years for them to be able to look up to him as a role model. This, in spite of the fact that she did EVERYTHING (including go to work to support them) that BOTH the mom and dad were supposed to do. Maybe you would feel better if you viewed this from an alternate perspective.