But again, it is true. Many of these attitudes will change once the children have children of their own. I know I never appreciated all my mom went though till I became a mom myself. However, if I do ask my mom for her opinions I am always careful to be respectful about them. That's what I guess my goal is to try to foster with my own young adult daughter but times have changed and kids are much more "familiar" now a days.
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Settling for Second Best
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But soon enough I grew accustomed to full-time motherhood and it became my life. I wasn't a paid teacher anymore, but I was still teaching two young people to become kind, conscientious, responsible individuals. In other words, I was Supermom—and some day my kids would appreciate me for it!
Apparently, though, today is not that day. The evidence was right up there on that bulletin board.
I was disappointed, to say the least. Maybe more than I should've been—after all, any time teenagers say something nice about their parents, it's practically cause for a parade—but what can I say? When I saw my husband's name on that board instead of mine, I was disappointed. Still, "disappointed" was nothing compared to how my girlfriends reacted when I brought up the subject recently over lunch. They were both shocked. "I would have been pissed off if my daughter didn't name me," one said. We spent the rest of our lunch discussing the qualities that made someone a role model. By the end, I found myself defending my daughter's choice of her dad.
I probably should've let it go after that, but the issue kept nagging at me. So finally, I went straight to the source.
When I worked up the nerve to ask Marina why she chose her dad, she looked surprised. Ever the diplomat, she said I was her role model, too, and she didn't know why she hadn't included me. Now I was making her feel bad, so I threw in the towel. "You spoke from your heart when you chose your dad," I said, "and that's what's important."
I may have swallowed my pride—or pretended to—but part of me will always wonder why this beautiful young woman didn't choose her mother as her model for womanhood. But I think I'm finally getting over it. Because I have gotten to thinking more about role models lately I'm proud to say I have two in my life: my husband, because he is pretty amazing, and my daughter, because she's got a marvelous independent streak that keeps even her mother guessing.
Elmore lives in Huntington Beach, Calif.
© 2009
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