As a grandmother whose first grandchild of second son was lost to us at 7 months gestation, I attest to how these photographs are indeed cherished and treasured. When I first got the news I called a friend who I didn't know knew about this group and set about to make all the arrrangements. I admit at first I thought it sounded quite morbid. It did not work out for us at the hospital (we had been sent out of our local area) but we checked with the local hospital in the area where we were bringing our baby back to to be buried and they had the name of one of these photographers; however, her not being born in that hospital the photos could not be taken there so we checked with the funeral home where we were taking her; they had never heard of this but graciously allowed the photographer to come in. What I didn't know at the time was that he would take the pictures with the family if they wanted (I thought they would be just of the baby); however, at that time, she was still in the hospital awaiting discharge so by the time she got home (on the weekend, then the funeral home wouldn't allow and most of these photographers do this after regular business hours) and the shoot could be done she had been dead 2 days in utero and 4 days out so her body could not be handled/removed from the casket but the photographer still did a superb job with what he had to work with; you could not tell she was in a casket and he took a beautiful picture of mom looking down at her "as she lay sleeping". We were able to have it displayed at the visitation. It did end up meaning so much and was not the least bit morbid; not nearly as much so as regular snapshots would have been. Again thank you so much!
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Family Portraits
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Asking hospitals to consider offering devastated parents a reference for a stillbirth photographer isn't always easy. Early on, Puc' and Haggard had to bang on a lot of doors to publicize their efforts and "the word 'morbid' was used all the time," says Puc'. Some hospitals were concerned the group was going to take advantage of bereaved parents. Others questioned how healthy it was for parents to pose with their babies, put photographs up in their homes and continue to remind themselves of a painful loss. But as the group grew, photographers and families began having more luck convincing hospitals how important the images were to families—a simple Polaroid in a memory box wasn't enough.
Though there will always be plenty of squeamishness and judgment when it comes to death and how people grieve, clinicians and therapists say acknowledging babies who die, bonding with them and remembering them is healthy, not harmful. Memories do matter. In a study published in 2007, Katherine Gold, a researcher at the University of Michigan, found that parents overwhelmingly report that photos were important to them and many wished they had more. Jeff and Lori Tieger have only a handful of treasured snapshots of their baby, Daniel, who was stillborn on Feb. 8, 2007. "If I had to do it all over again," says Jeff, "I would have 1,000 pictures of every square inch of his body." Photography creates a relationship between parent and child "as opposed to the harsh reality of a deceased child," says Puc'. Since the group was launched, Puc' says she has seen a huge change in the way people relate to their work. Hospitals are now contacting the foundation directly, looking for names of photographers in their area. Parents who may be skeptical early on embrace the images as an irreplaceable gift once they've left the hospital and gone home without their babies. "We can't change what's happening to these people," says Puc', "but we can change the way they heal for the rest of their lives."
To learn more about Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, visit their Web site . For additional information on stillbirth and to find support resources for families, visit the M.I.S.S. Foundation and First Candle . And for more on research conducted by the National Institute of Child Health and Development, you can visit their site, www.nichd.nih.gov .
© 2009
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