THE WEB

You Can’t Friend Me, I Quit!

On Facebook's fifth anniversary, a not-so-fond farewell.

By Steve Tuttle | Newsweek Web Exclusive
Feb 4, 2009

« Return to Article

Discuss

Member Comments

  • Posted By: heckman13 @ 11/07/2009 2:55:09 AM

    Facebook has you. You will we be back.

  • Posted By: kshortSD @ 02/17/2009 2:00:43 PM

    It seems to me that the people who hate FB are people who are not social by nature. I have used FB to reconnect with many former coworkers in other cities and former classmates that I never would have found otherwise. And let's face it, most of us are way too busy to CALL people and chat. Most of my friends love FB as much as I do. If you hate seeing all the fun things that your "friends" are up to, then maybe it's because YOU'RE not having any fun. Nobody's forcing you to use FB.

    • Posted By: lord farquar @ 11/06/2009 7:39:06 PM

      How much time do you spend on facebook? I'd probably guess that if you unplugged from facebook you'd have time to make some calls.

    • Posted By: jpssa @ 02/23/2009 2:42:57 PM

      Oh dear. is that what you're trying to tell yourself? People who criticise FB are antisocial and lead boring, unhappy lives?

      By the way, if you want to be taken seriously professionally over here in Europe, you're well advised to deregister with FB. It's frowned upon because it's stupid, pointless and shallow. Here in Europe it's also a bit of a class thing - the more educated you are the less likely you are to be a FB user.

      • Posted By: bellerose_29 @ 02/25/2009 4:32:17 PM

        This up-your-own-cu kinda Europe is certainly not one us Europeans are familiar with! Sounds like you're the only one who lives there...

    • Posted By: jpssa @ 02/23/2009 2:41:46 PM

      Oh dear. is that what you're trying to tell yourself? People who criticise FB are antisocial and lead boring, unhappy lives?

      By the way, if you want to be taken seriously professionally over here in Europe, you're well advised to deregister with FB. It's frowned upon because it's stupid, pointless and shallow. Here in Europe it's also a bit of a class thing - the more educated you are the less likely you are to be a FB user.

  • Posted By: doclou @ 11/06/2009 7:04:26 PM

    maverick 86--congratulations on taking your likely not first step to becoming an arrogant, condescending ass. Like the author, I also quit facebook, mainly because I got sick and tired of hearing who was cooking pasta, who hated traffic, who's cat just did something cute, etc etc ad nauseum. In short, it was.....BOOOORING. Get a life.

  • Posted By: maverick86 @ 02/27/2009 12:22:08 PM

    If you don't care about people's status updates, then don't read them. If you're spending too much time on facebook, then, like with any vice, either get help or practice some self-control. What the author and a lot of you on this comment board missed is that facebook is an incredible tool for disseminating information. If you're a young person, and not a techno-phobic old foagie like the author, facebook is the best way to organize social events that (gasp) happen in real life, that is, off of facebook. I also love all these sweeping generalizations about facebook users that some of you like to spout, as if you know each and every one of the millions of facebook users personally. Facebook is a tool and that means you can use it however you want to. Maybe a minority of people use facebook to project a false image about their lives or indulge in their own narcissism, but in my experience, that's not the case. And NO ONE said that facebook friends can only be people you know and love. As I said before, facebook is extremely useful for organizing parties. Young people go to parties so they can meet people they don't already know. Since you can only invite facebook friends to parties it isn't a bad idea to friend people you don't know well so you can invite them to stuff via facebook and then get to know them. I'd like to congratulate the author on taking his first step to becoming old and irrelevant.

    • Posted By: doclou @ 11/06/2009 7:02:11 PM

      maverick 86--congratulations to you on taking your, I suspect, not first steps to becoming an arrogant, condescending ass. Like the author, I also quite facebook, mainly because I was sick and tired of the inane, uninteresting drivel that constantly filled it. I really didn't care who's cat just did something cute, who was tired of traffic, who was leaving for the gym, etc. etc. ad nauseum. In short, it was......BORING. I suspect much like you. Get a life.

    • Posted By: slakr @ 03/16/2009 4:21:10 PM

      I read where 1 in 5 facebook users are actually predators or have some sex related wierdness attached to them. How is that for irrelevant and outdated? FACEBOOK IS FOR INSECURE LOSERS THAT LACK BASIC SOCIAL SKILLS!

      • Posted By: Cindydarling @ 03/19/2009 2:27:23 PM

        Or maybe Facebook is a way for people to connect with old friends that you haven't seen in years. And as for "sex related weirdness" your best friend could be into something weird.. and it's not just because they are on Facebook. Everyone is into something different, and you are not the one to judge that.

        • Posted By: slakr @ 10/21/2009 4:39:45 PM

          I am not prejudging users of facebook. I am only repeating statistical fact: Over 20% of facebook users are logged in to find a mate, spouse, companion, or 15 minute fling. Some people are "not into facebook" because they already have a social life or because they realized a long time ago that the entire world wide web doe not need to know that they had pepperoni pizza at their cousin's birthday party.

      • Posted By: Cindydarling @ 03/19/2009 2:24:27 PM

        Or maybe it is a place for you to connect with old friends that you haven't seen in years. Not everyone on there is a creep. And, well, as for the sex weirdness thing, for all you know you best friend could be into something weird.

  • Posted By: MaxFiction @ 08/04/2009 12:49:09 PM

    Long on Face, Short on Book - my take on the same topic:

    http://maximumfiction.wordpress.com/2009/08/04/long-on-face-short-on-book/

    • Posted By: slakr @ 10/21/2009 4:24:53 PM

      I could not locate your take about facebook. I correctly typed the "maximum fiction wordpress" website.

  • Posted By: facebookfan @ 02/05/2009 12:12:52 PM

    Facebook has provided me a way to keep in touch with my kids, friends, relatives and old classmates! I???d rather not visit the bar every Tuesday evening to see the same people with the same problems??? It???s much more refreshing to arrange a ski trip with a buddy I first met in the 1st grade and haven???t seen in 30 years. I???ve reconnected with a few cousins too! And arranging a 40 year reunion with my 8th grade class is a reality with facebook??? I can???t imagine how difficult it would be to do so without the social site. I suppose I could be watching the next ???most dramatic rose ceremony ever!???, but interacting with people who make a difference in my life is much more rewarding!

    • Posted By: slakr @ 10/21/2009 11:31:22 AM

      I use a telephone. It is not as superficial and not everyone hears my conversation.

  • Posted By: johnsmith35 @ 09/03/2009 10:04:02 PM

    This says far more about you than it does about facebook. The fact that you do things like "feel pressure to say what you're doing to outwit Spiffy" and the fact that you let it take over your life is an indication of your own sadness. Millions of people use facebook for perhaps a few minutes each day to keep in touch with family and friends. Unfortunately some others, like yourself, lead such sad lives that they grow dependent upon facebook to give their life meaning. Glad you've found your place, drinking yourself to death in your local bar, with other miserable folk who've no doubt followed the same path as you.

  • Posted By: chubsoda @ 07/23/2009 11:22:33 AM

    I joined FB through a cousin's suggestion in 2007. For over 16 months it was me, her, her sister, and another that asked me to be her friend, of whom I had no idea who she was, but that was it. No one asked me to be a friend and I never went searching for more friends either. Suddenly during the month of April of this year, my friend's list exploded. Now it's not uncommon to see people with 100+ friends. I have friends that I didn't know existed and some that I really don't care to "communicate" with in the first place. What online web sites such as FB and MySpace have done is inflated everyone's ego in such a way in that each person think's they are a rock star and through this thinking, feel they deserve some accolades (expression of praise) for their mere "exisitence" through their stupid antics and pictures, of which most people look like f'ing retards. The same goes for YouTube. As for meeting and dating someone these days from an online web site? That's a joke in itself. If the initial meeting occurs on FB, MS, or another website, it's all based on one's own ego and picture; there is no critical thinking that goes into saying hi to anyone, or dating them, or why someone is interested. Most self-written profiles put an individual into a self-righteous position that no one else could possibly meet, so any possible friendship or relationship fails before it is even started. There are of course some sincere friendships that occur and of course it is great to meet up with someone that you, me, haven't seen in 20 years. But I think this is the exception, not the norm. I've learned that the first rule of law school is this: Everyone lies especially your client. And this goes for anyone in FB or MS. I don't trust but maybe 1% of what anyone tells me in FB, MS, or any web social interaction from folks that I do not have a personal interest based on history, such as a frienship from years ago. I think David Nunyabiz has it right in accepting only certain friends and keeping it simple. I've basically quit online "anything" and have begun going out and meeting "real" people again, specifically women. I have forgotten how much fun it is and the women I meet are so much more enjoyable than to write them in a stupid email in which you never know get to meet them anyway.

  • Posted By: chubsoda @ 07/23/2009 11:22:13 AM

    I joined FB through a cousin's suggestion in 2007. For over 16 months it was me, her, her sister, and another that asked me to be her friend, of whom I had no idea who she was, but that was it. No one asked me to be a friend and I never went searching for more friends either. Suddenly during the month of April of this year, my friend's list exploded. Now it's not uncommon to see people with 100+ friends. I have friends that I didn't know existed and some that I really don't care to "communicate" with in the first place. What online web sites such as FB and MySpace have done is inflated everyone's ego in such a way in that each person think's they are a rock star and through this thinking, feel they deserve some accolades (expression of praise) for their mere "exisitence" through their stupid antics and pictures, of which most people look like f'ing retards. The same goes for YouTube. As for meeting and dating someone these days from an online web site? That's a joke in itself. If the initial meeting occurs on FB, MS, or another website, it's all based on one's own ego and picture; there is no critical thinking that goes into saying hi to anyone, or dating them, or why someone is interested. Most self-written profiles put an individual into a self-righteous position that no one else could possibly meet, so any possible friendship or relationship fails before it is even started. There are of course some sincere friendships that occur and of course it is great to meet up with someone that you, me, haven't seen in 20 years. But I think this is the exception, not the norm. I've learned that the first rule of law school is this: Everyone lies especially your client. And this goes for anyone in FB or MS. I don't trust but maybe 1% of what anyone tells me in FB, MS, or any web social interaction from folks that I do not have a personal interest based on history, such as a frienship from years ago. I think David Nunyabiz has it right in accepting only certain friends and keeping it simple. I've basically quit online "anything" and have begun going out and meeting "real" people again, specifically women. I have forgotten how much fun it is and the women I meet are so much more enjoyable than to write them in a stupid email in which you never know get to meet them anyway.

  • Posted By: leapinloosey @ 07/23/2009 11:21:35 AM

    I started on FB about 6 months ago. I do not live near friends or family so this is a way for me to keep in touch. I am about to become a grandma and am looking forward to baby pictures. My son in in the service so I cannot just pop in and see my grandchild. I do not accept friends I do not know. I have less than 50 friends and most of those are family. After serving for over 20 yrs Army it is a way for me to keep up with the few friends I have. FB is like anything else, a choice, that we choose to make. It is my choice what I read and whom I let in my group or how much time I spend on it. No one is forcing me to do anything I don't want to.

  • Posted By: MichaelJones @ 05/31/2009 12:26:04 PM

    Facebook is an immeasurably powerful tool for human connectivity. Considering how you squandered that resource participating in (and thereby promoting) the most vapid scratchings on the surface of it's potential, I highly doubt your time would have gone to "raising money for Darfur relief" had you not been on Facebook. How's your volunteer schedule been at the animal shelter since you "quit"? Feed any homeless lately? Ya, I didn't think so.

    • Posted By: zz333 @ 07/22/2009 3:04:12 PM

      It is still dead and too personal!

      • Posted By: DavidNunyabiz @ 07/22/2009 4:27:19 PM

        Micheal, the author of this artlcle freely confesses that he only wishes he would really do those things if it weren't for facebook. Read it again.

  • Posted By: DavidNunyabiz @ 07/22/2009 4:09:35 PM

    When I finally joined facebook this year, I had already heard of all of these problems. So from the start I had some simple rules I imposed on myself. I only made or accepted friend requests from people who were part of my real analog life. I also did not enter networks for my high school or hometown. There's a reason I live 1500 miles away from there. This keeps my friend list short (still under 100) but real. I would recognize every single one of them on the street, and they me. WhenI get friend requests from people I don't know, I reply with a message asking very politely if we've met and begging advance forgiveness if we have and I've forgotten. If we don't know each other, I tell them I look forward to meeting in the real world someday and then decline their request. In this environment of only people I really know and like, I feel completly comfortable sharing the minutae of my life and hearing about theirs. Sometimes I even get good tips, like "Transporter 3" sucked. And just like that I'm $9.75 richer.

  • Posted By: LindaLeeL @ 06/28/2009 11:40:31 AM

    I laughed till I cried - I am so with you, Steve! I would never have bitten the 'Facebook-bullet' had my company not "encouraged" strongly and daily that its reps do so to amp their biz opps - hmmm. I am 72 hours old on Facebook, I can see the potential, but am already so fatigued with the drivel. Look for me down at the animal shelter with you, at least they can't 'friend' me - yet!

  • Posted By: nlwrnc @ 04/10/2009 3:42:10 PM

    Hmmm. Some folks can enjoy a glass of wine with a meal....others become alcoholics. Self control and common sense should prevail.

  • Posted By: blissinbleeding @ 03/30/2009 4:32:04 PM

    blissinbleeding
    Finally somebody has read my mind! I can relate to everything Steve says.I spend ridiculous amount of time trying to come up with (not so ) pithy (inane..to be honest) status updates to outfox my "friends"..firends that I've added hoping they wud have cute friends or friend's friend's friends's friend's cute friends that would come on "people who may know"! I know..vain me! I've gotten into this frivolous juvenile mindset checking my facebook every nano second for new updates ..my anal bled today due to big chunks of crap kinda notes..an ugly baby pic ( which we all politely wud comment..aww..choooo chweett..cuute baby!) ..expert comments on economic crisis from smart ass guys that cant add 2 n 2!!! I joined facebook actually to connect to my friends instead I have become a total twat competing with (some) faceless ..narcissistic..conceited..dimwits trying facebook shitks.I Infact I have become one of em thats really disturbing me. It's worse coz i have no clue wat i am competing for??? facebook's biggest loser i suppose!
    OK now..if you ask me if I had quit facebook? well..hmm..I have this really gorgeous gal on my friends list. I hope she quits facebook..ehehehhe

  • Posted By: blissinbleeding @ 03/30/2009 4:31:14 PM

    blissinbleeding
    Finally somebody has read my mind! I can relate to everything Steve says.I spend ridiculous amount of time trying to come up with (not so ) pithy (inane..to be honest) status updates to outfox my "friends"..firends that I've added hoping they wud have cute friends or friend's friend's friends's friend's cute friends that would come on "people who may know"! I know..vain me! I've gotten into this frivolous juvenile mindset checking my facebook every nano second for new updates ..my anal bled today due to big chunks of crap kinda notes..an ugly baby pic ( which we all politely wud comment..aww..choooo chweett..cuute baby!) ..expert comments on economic crisis from smart ass guys that cant add 2 n 2!!! I joined facebook actually to connect to my friends instead I have become a total twat competing with (some) faceless ..narcissistic..conceited..dimwits trying facebook shitks.I Infact I have become one of em thats really disturbing me. It's worse coz i have no clue wat i am competing for??? facebook's biggest loser i suppose!
    OK now..if you ask me if I had quit facebook? well..hmm..I have this really gorgeous gal on my friends list. I hope she quits facebook..ehehehhe

  • Posted By: Black Bird @ 03/25/2009 3:14:21 AM

    Hmmmm........I love connecting with my friends and family! It is easy to make a plan to get together...I live in the boonies and am so happy for being able to connect a bit with people. I like seeing my friends kids photos and were they live. I find its great for networking with people from my book group, congregation, work, clients, music......I have actually reconnected with so many people I sorely missed in my life, but had lost touch with and am sooo happy to hear what they are up to.
    I love Face Book! Why so gloomy?

  • Posted By: along_parker88 @ 03/20/2009 7:45:21 AM

    Thanks for the presentation. this reminds me of us.buuuz.com who aims to getting the youth of the world to listen to what they have to offer. Pretty Clever

Reply

Report Abuse

Enter comments if any for reporting abuse