Lauren Fleishman for Newsweek
Man Of The House: I was laid off just before Thanksgiving
MY TURN

Branded With the ‘Scarlet U’

From Manhattan commutes to morning school drop-off rituals: it's not easy adjusting to unemployed life.

By John Blomfield | NEWSWEEK
Published Mar 14, 2009
From the magazine issue dated Mar 23, 2009
 

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My days now start at 7:45 a.m. when my 8-year- old explodes into my room, yanks the beaded metal chain on my bedside lamp and yells, "Get up, Dad!" Up I get. I might shower, I might not, but I do always comb my hair and brush my teeth. Down the stairs for a quick cup of coffee, get my three daughters into the car and we're off to school for their morning drop-off ritual.

I pull up carefully in front of the local grammar school: stop No. 1. I've been doing this for several months now and I'm still not comfortable. There are no fewer than 4,000 SUVs and minivans pulling in and out from the curb, like a synchronized-swimming routine for boxy robots. Threading between them are mothers who walk their kids to school. Some are pulled by a dog. Some use the crosswalk, some don't. Rarely do I see another father. The whole scene is daunting.

There is a protocol to the chaos, but no guidebook. Am I moving too slow? Too fast? Can I pull up here? Did that woman just glare at me? How long can I idle? I find a spot and my two older daughters jump out: kiss, kiss, bye, bye. They are weighed down by backpacks the size of small bank safes, and they walk with a distinct forward lean to counterbalance the load. Have a good day. Don't pull a hamstring.

As I start to ease out my car, another one pulls alongside me. The mother behind the wheel stares at me, waiting her turn to steer in behind me. Two more mothers subtly glance my way. The self-consciousness kicks in. "Yes," I shout inside my head, "there is an unshaven dad in the car and he doesn't have a job!"

The week before Thanksgiving last year, my job at a large investment bank in New York was eliminated. My house is outside the city, in a suburban factory town where the factory is Wall Street and the business is slowly shuttering. But life does not stop. The kids still go to school.

After I drop off my third daughter, I contemplate going to the gym. I always see other men there. Are they the "voluntarily retired" who have made their money and no longer need to work? Or have they been laid off too?

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Member Comments

  • Posted By: Lucky0341 @ 04/23/2009 10:47:51 PM

    John!!!!!

    You are a talented person!!! I wish you all the best!! You still have that great sense of humor that always made me laugh...

    I hope you get that break soon.

    Best regards,

    Luc

  • Posted By: ebarneysmith @ 03/31/2009 4:01:54 PM

    I wish you the best in searching for a job. Keep looking.

    What I really noticed most when I read this article in the print version of Newsweek (and I came online trying to figure out how to send a letter to the editor about it - no luck yet.) was that you have to drive your kids to school. I remember the great yellow school buses. They were plentiful where I grew up in upstate New York, and they have them in Idaho where I have lived the past decade. But recently I heard from a friend in California that she had to drive her son to school, and fight to unbuckle her infant to bring the kindergartner in the building, and again repeat the process later to pick him up. Shortly after I heard another friend complain about the traffic trying to get around the crowd of cars bringing kids to school on her way to work. Then came your article. In Idaho almost every high school student drives because they can get licenses at 14 1/2, so every kid who doesn't ride the bus makes the route longer so fewer are willing to, and the vicious cycle repeats.

    What are we teaching our kids? We keep talking about how everyone should carpool or take public transit. Instead schools are saving short term money by cutting bus service, or creating parking lots to allow every high school kid to drive. Our schools should take the lead in encouraging public transportation, even if the provider is the school district. Or work a deal with the community public bus line to step up real bus service in the pre- and post-school hours and have the school support regular public transit. The state and federal governments should spend some of the stimulus money that is earmarked for 'green' solutions to assure that kids learn by example that going to and from places individually is not the habit they should learn so early. Shame on the schools and parents for fostering such bad habits.

    E. Smith, Boise Idaho

  • Posted By: kmkgoldfish @ 03/29/2009 10:20:28 AM

    My PHD scientific educated husband had a very difficult career...I am talking about the 1970s and 80s. His lay off in the late 80s was the worse because HE HAD REACHED THE 50 YEAR OLD GROUPING, he was too old for the Bench research positions and management was not his forte. Fortunately I had a career as a nurse manager with the government so we were able to pay our bills and since our needs were minimal and we did not want what we could not afford we made it through. One Happy note that I want to share is that the lay off forced my husband to look at his other strengths....for a year he did temp jobs, from working as an appliance saleman for a large department store, as a data imput consultant then he finally found his best markatable skill....as a technical writer and editor for other's publications. So he started a consultant business editing papers and joined the Medical Writers group in our area which helped him set upa network for referral work. When I retired in 2006 and we moved to the East Coast to be near our only grand son I found a part time job as a staff nurse and shortly after that HE was hired by a consulting firm which reviewed and edited scientific papers...as he says "it's the best job ever and he loves it". I was unable to work 2 days a week and do the quality of work that I was accustomed to doing so I left my job and am now trying to determine what to do with myself as a retired person. I wanted to travel after we retired but that was put on hold due to our move and the acqusition of a few new monetary obligations.. If you haven't consulted a job counselor I would suggest you consider this and look at your markatable strengths....perhaps you may need to attend a few classes to add mor e to your skills for your resume.....but most important you are a worthy man who may need a bit of guidance and may have to accept a job of lessser statue than you had but discover your strengths, build new strengths and skills and "WAVE AT THE MOMS WHEN YOU DROP THE KIDS OFF AT SCHOOL" They will wonder what you are up to....Good Luck and hunting.....

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