Branded With the ‘Scarlet U’

John,

I truly sympathize with your plight as do all of us here in Summit. No one is immune to the effects of this economic downturn and NO ONE that I know in this town would even dream of looking down their noses at you or your current unemployed state. There are many, many men AND women who are walking around this town today in your shoes and I am sure absolutely no one, male or female, feels anything but sympathy and/or empathy. We all know that the wheel of economic misfortune could land on any one of us at any given time. Many of us are scared we will be next.

However, as a full-time working mother who works in a Wall Street job and also lives in Summit (along with my full time "stay-at-home-dad" husband and children), I must take issue with a few points in your story. My children also attend Summit public schools but unlike you, we have seen a significant increase in Dads bringing their daughters and sons to school since September '08.

As for your feelings of being "neutered" because you are not bringing in a paycheck, well that is a whole different kettle of fish that has absolutely nothing to do with the current economic conditions in this country and everything to do with an outdated, gender biased mindset. I have always been the "breadwinner" in our family and my husband has always been the stay-at-home parent. My husband has never felt "less-than" as a man and has always felt extremely grateful, as have I, that we are lucky enough to be able to afford having one of us stay at home full time.

Staying at home full time with your children is a full time job. Those women who you think are glaring at you are more than likely not giving you a single thought wave, but they might be thinking about the 101 things that have to be accomplished before 3:00, and the 100 more that need to be finished by bedtime. Or perhaps they are simply worrying about paying their own mortgages and keeping their homes because THEY too have been laid off.

You have a great opportunity now to demonstrate to your daughters that the measure of a good father, a good husband and a good man cannot be in dollars and cents and has nothing to do with outdated gender roles. It just may be that driving your daughters to school each day and being there to help them with their homework and after-school activities, etc. will be the most valuable lesson your daughters receive this year. Perhaps they will come away from this experience seeing their father, and men in general, as more than just living breathing ATMs.

Summit is not full of cold, judgmental people. We pull together as a community to support one another in very tough times. While these times are certainly very tough, we have weathered much much worse in recent history and have managed to come through the other side, together. Reach out your hand and you might be surprised to see just how quickly the hands steering those other 4000 SUVs reach back in support.

Losing one's job may feel like your losing a part of yourself, but to do that alone is even worse. It seems as though Mr. Blomfield has the support of his family. He should take this time to connect with his daughters and realize how important their time together is!

I am startled at the term "no fewer than 4,000 SUVs and minivans pulling in and out from the curb", wow, this does not sound like a community that is suffering, in the real world sense.

I don't find him whiny, but I do wish he'd admit how good he had it, and how much he made. Rather than pretending he was like the secretaries and janitors. Summit is a very expensive, ritzy town. To the person who asked about the school buses, no, Summit is so ritzy, they don't provide school buses for their school children (not kidding).

Could Mr. Blomfield be much more middle class? I suppose, but a little bit of internet searching will quickly dispel that possibility. His home has an estimated value of $1.38 Million dollars. WIth an last purchase price (fair to assume his) of $860,000 in 2000, and annual property taxes of over $20K. Its pretty safe to assume he cleared at least $200-$250K.

You Wallstreet guys did make your money. And that's fine. But don't mislead people about it.

During the last recession, I got married, spend all my money on an extravagant wedding and honeymoon. I came back to work and got laid-off 10 days later. It took me another six months to get a decent job. Although I would not want to go thru that experience again... in hindsight it was the best thing that ever happened to me. It completely changed me as a person.

During those six months everything that could go wrong from my perspective went wrong. My wife had other financial commitments that I was not aware of before the wedding.So I had to swallow my pride and move in with my in-laws. I got into a small accident and messed up my knee which made the part-time physical job I was doing more painful. I came very close to defaulting on my car loans.

After a few months of job hunting I got really got depressed and many times I would lock myself in the bathroom and just weep. Couple of times thought of ending my life. I was ashamed to be a man. I became more and more angry as time went by and I would make every effort to avoid contact with friends & family. Then one day, when nobody was home and i received another rejection call from a job I interviewed few days earlier. I sat there and cried like never before. I screamed & cursed at myself. Surprisingly It had an amazing therapeutic effect on me. I suddenly felt free as if a huge burden has been lifted off my head. Soon I began to do volunteer programming for non-profits and trained myself on new programming languages by day and worked part time at a retail store in evenings. After a month later I got a good paying job and two months later I moved out of my in-laws house.

I believe those six months of being unemployed made me a much stronger person,less timid and prepared me for greater responsibilities at work,church and fatherhood.

Hello, John
Please ignore some of the cruel comments posted here. I certainly did not find you whiny. My husband lost his job some years ago. He was unemployed for a very long six months. He stayed optimistic and upbeat. He worked full-time looking for a job. There were times when he would get depressed, but he never lost hope. He found employment in a new field. While he doesn't make a large income, he loves his job. Being laid off was one of the best things that ever happened to him. I hope that you will be able to say the same thing one day. My only advice would be for your wife to seek employment. It will give your family another source of income and more security in the future. Best of luck to you. You appear to be a deserving person.

Jezzzzzzzzzzz buddy, try to hold your mud will ya,, So you got laid off, who hasn???t. So you ar 50, for crying out loud you are a baby boomer for Gawd sake, go create something or do something different stop whining like you were just diagnosed with cancer.

Jezzzzzzzzzzz buddy, try to hold your mud will ya,, So you got laid off, who hasn???t. So you ar 50, for crying out loud you are a baby boomer for Gawd sake, go create something or do something different stop whining like you were just diagnosed with cancer.

Wow. What a burdensome routine. To still have your house and your car and to be able to have a "routine". Tell me about the burden of living in a tent city or a shelter after you've lost everything - but I suggest that if you get to that stage, keep quiet about your past as an investment banker or they might not be so kind to you.

This is a digusting article. We Americans lose things that other people around the world will never have the slightest suggetion of ever having in their lives and think we're crippled. Contemplate going to the gym? I can't believe you had the gall to even put that thought in public. if you think a this constitutes a "change in your routine" I suggest you skip the gym and spend some of your wasted energy at a shelter donating your time where a "change in routine" means something altogether different.

Unbelievable. Next you're going to tell us you gave up golf in solidarity with your other laid-off compatriots.

I found your article enlightening and somewhat funny, or should I say "coincidental" as I had just mentioned to my mother back in December that I should put a scarlet U on my chest as I lost my job in October 2008 and have tried like hell to find another one and it has been a very terrible journey. It makes me feel better to know that I am not alone in my "cycle of depression" that I experience on a weekly basis. I wont shower some days either and I have my dogs for company or I try to go walking and watch loads of TV!! Thank God for NCIS! Good luck to you sir.

Honey, please! Whenever I see a dad dropping his kids off at school, the last thing that enters my mind is his employment situation. I see a good man who's caring for his children and very possibly making some nice memories for them. Keep your chin up, your children will remember that you stepped in and did what needed to be done.

OK Mr. Man; You have a wonderful creeative idea and you may not know it. You said you wanted to stich a big U on your clothes and that statement got me thinking. I too am unemployed; 50 something female. It sounds as though your wife iscreative too. You have three wonderful children, whom I am sure can provide you with ideas. The shirt thing with a U could start a whole line of quality, well priced "pick me ups". Remember the yellow cup with the smiley face. You and your family have a nice day. Remember U is the first letter of the Universe. In solidarity with the U people - keep on truckin . Now, if I see this U thing take off; remember where you heard it first. Take care Mary

OK Mr. Man; You have a wonderful creeative idea and you may not know it. You said you wanted to stich a big U on your clothes and that statement got me thinking. I too am unemployed; 50 something female. It sounds as though your wife iscreative too. You have three wonderful children, whom I am sure can provide you with ideas. The shirt thing with a U could start a whole line of quality, well priced "pick me ups". Remember the yellow cup with the smiley face. You and your family have a nice day. Remember U is the first letter of the Universe. In solidarity with the U people - keep on truckin . Now, if I see this U thing take off; remember where you heard it first. Take care Mary

Dear John,

My husband lost his job in November but was lucky to find something new in January. He's in marketing as well and as anyone who's been in that business knows, we're among the first to get the ax. I really feel for you and your story is terrific. Funny, poignant. Brave. My husband looked like a ghost when he came home that day. He'd never been fired from any job. I got fired as a 16 year-old but that was for eating too many croissants at Vie de France. Keep writing even after you find that next thing.

Keep your head up John. You've got a beautiful family that doesn't go away everytime the bubble bursts. You'll get another job soon.

Well although he didn't mention it, I'm sure he didn't just sit around the house playing playatation all day. But this is a honest story of the other side of the pillow so to speak. As men we have to deal with our nature being stripped from us and unfortunately a man of his "maturity" has extremely limited options. I thank this guy for sharing his story cause we I was laid-off early in 08 I was right there. I've been lucky enough to bounce back but I feel his pain. Keep your head up buddy. Trouble don't last for always

I live in Southeast Texas, where most of your gasoline comes from, so when gas prices dropped, it was good for you, bad for us! My fiance was laid off from his job at an oil refinery, and after living through that, I'll tell you the problem I have with your story. In all of your whining and feeling sorry for yourself, I never once read where you vacummed the carpet, made dinner, mopped the kitchen, did a load of laundry, etc, etc. Did you wife come home after a long day at work and do all the house work too? That's what happened to us and it almost broke us up because I was so resentful of his laziness!

Even though you don't believe it, if you make your home your full time job, you WILL get some of your self confidence back. You'll be able to hold your head up because you know that you are taking good care of your family, even though not the way you thought you would. And you will also be happier because your wife will be so pleased when she comes home from her first job, and her second job is already done!

Thank you for sharing your story; it is important for people to know they are not alone- in being unemployed or in feeling bad about it

Keep ya head up, man. When doors are closed, God opens a window.