Branded With the ‘Scarlet U’

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As a man, as the sole source of income for my family, I feel, well, a bit emasculated by unemployment. My wife works tirelessly as the kids' logistics manager, the treasurer of a local education foundation, the choreographer of the upcoming school play—all pro bono. Bills need to be paid, money must be put aside for college, and these responsibilities still fall on my shoulders. That may be an old-fashioned thought in the modern world, but it crosses my mind a lot, and I'm sure it occurs to some of the moms I see around town, who must wonder why I'm not at work. My shoulders slump a little more, my stride is less purposeful. I'm a proud man, but sometimes I feel like a likable family pet that's been neutered.

To make things simpler and clearer for everyone, I'm thinking of stitching a big scarlet "U" on my clothing. When I pick up my kids, a woman I know stares at me and casually asks, "So did you join the ranks of the unemployed?" Yes, I confide, I lost my job, tough times in the financial services sector, blah, blah, blah. As the days roll on, I'll get the same look from others and tell the same story. It happened recently at the local gas station while I was talking with the owner. "Yeah," he said, "but at least you guys on Wall Street made your money." Nope, not all of us. I'm a marketing guy, out of work along with administrative assistants, customer-service personnel, janitors. Struggling businesses, whether on Wall Street or in the Rust Belt, impact people at every income level.

Still, I'm not a particularly sympathetic figure, and I get that. I'm a guy with a wife and three kids who lives in a nice house in a nice town who lost his job. I'll get over it. I'm not alone. I just can't shake the feeling that I'm out of step with the world. I keep cycling through the five stages of grief—depressed on Tuesday, accepting on Wednesday, maybe the reverse the following week. Losing my job is not necessarily the worst thing I've endured, but I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I'm 50 years old—no kid anymore—the job market in financial services is tight, maybe even nonexistent, and the U.S. economy is struggling. Yet I'm hopeful that there will be a happy ending to all of this; I'll work hard to ensure it.

My message? Nothing more than this: if you're out of work and you feel crappy, you're not alone. And to the rest of you: when you're in that car line, waiting for your turn to drop off the kids, please smile and wave to the unshaven guy in the baseball cap.

Blomfield lives in Summit, N.J.

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Posted By: Lucky0341 @ 04/23/2009 10:47:51 PM

John!!!!!

You are a talented person!!! I wish you all the best!! You still have that great sense of humor that always made me laugh...

I hope you get that break soon.

Best regards,

Luc
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Posted By: ebarneysmith @ 03/31/2009 4:01:54 PM

I wish you the best in searching for a job. Keep looking.

What I really noticed most when I read this article in the print version of Newsweek (and I came online trying to figure out how to send a letter to the editor about it - no luck yet.) was that you have to drive your kids to school. I remember the great yellow school buses. They were plentiful where I grew up in upstate New York, and they have them in Idaho where I have lived the past decade. But recently I heard from a friend in California that she had to drive her son to school, and fight to unbuckle her infant to bring the kindergartner in the building, and again repeat the process later to pick him up. Shortly after I heard another friend complain about the traffic trying to get around the crowd of cars bringing kids to school on her way to work. Then came your article. In Idaho almost every high school student drives because they can get licenses at 14 1/2, so every kid who doesn't ride the bus makes the route longer so fewer are willing to, and the vicious cycle repeats.

What are we teaching our kids? We keep talking about how everyone should carpool or take public transit. Instead schools are saving short term money by cutting bus service, or creating parking lots to allow every high school kid to drive. Our schools should take the lead in encouraging public transportation, even if the provider is the school district. Or work a deal with the community public bus line to step up real bus service in the pre- and post-school hours and have the school support regular public transit. The state and federal governments should spend some of the stimulus money that is earmarked for 'green' solutions to assure that kids learn by example that going to and from places individually is not the habit they should learn so early. Shame on the schools and parents for fostering such bad habits.

E. Smith, Boise Idaho
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Posted By: kmkgoldfish @ 03/29/2009 10:20:28 AM

My PHD scientific educated husband had a very difficult career...I am talking about the 1970s and 80s. His lay off in the late 80s was the worse because HE HAD REACHED THE 50 YEAR OLD GROUPING, he was too old for the Bench research positions and management was not his forte. Fortunately I had a career as a nurse manager with the government so we were able to pay our bills and since our needs were minimal and we did not want what we could not afford we made it through. One Happy note that I want to share is that the lay off forced my husband to look at his other strengths....for a year he did temp jobs, from working as an appliance saleman for a large department store, as a data imput consultant then he finally found his best markatable skill....as a technical writer and editor for other's publications. So he started a consultant business editing papers and joined the Medical Writers group in our area which helped him set upa network for referral work. When I retired in 2006 and we moved to the East Coast to be near our only grand son I found a part time job as a staff nurse and shortly after that HE was hired by a consulting firm which reviewed and edited scientific papers...as he says "it's the best job ever and he loves it". I was unable to work 2 days a week and do the quality of work that I was accustomed to doing so I left my job and am now trying to determine what to do with myself as a retired person. I wanted to travel after we retired but that was put on hold due to our move and the acqusition of a few new monetary obligations.. If you haven't consulted a job counselor I would suggest you consider this and look at your markatable strengths....perhaps you may need to attend a few classes to add mor e to your skills for your resume.....but most important you are a worthy man who may need a bit of guidance and may have to accept a job of lessser statue than you had but discover your strengths, build new strengths and skills and "WAVE AT THE MOMS WHEN YOU DROP THE KIDS OFF AT SCHOOL" They will wonder what you are up to....Good Luck and hunting.....