ECONOMY

The New Survivor Guilt

If you've still got a job and your friends don't, get ready for some awkward social situations.

By Kurt Soller | Newsweek Web Exclusive
Apr 8, 2009 | Updated: 6:48  p.m. ET Apr 8, 2009

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  • Posted By: anthony p @ 04/09/2009 6:08:44 PM

    First of all, I am a black man in his fifty's. I have never had the good fortune of having a good job. I have always been overlooked for promotions, treated like i was not as smart as my white counterparts, and constantly finding that I was not quite first class as some citizens. I and most people of color feel less affected by the recession, because of the fact that when your are on the bottom rung of the ladder, you don't have far to fall. I never really had much, so I don't have much to lose. Tell me truthfully, how does it feel to be on the bottom economicially speaking.

    • Posted By: Goatskull @ 04/09/2009 10:00:06 PM

      Yawn

      • Posted By: phamiliar @ 07/30/2009 1:17:23 PM

        Yawn? What a sarcastic and offensive way to respond to an elder African American. Have you ever been denied a job because the color of your skin was not white? I just experienced that a month ago... and I am light skinned Puertorican and Black. When you experience obstacles such as the one I describe, including layoff, and no government assistance...then you might have a reason to complain, but do I complian? Absolutely not, I was raised to be tough and over come my obstacles with drive, prayer, and some optimistic planning/thinking, regardless of my current circumstances. I was laid off a few months ago, but instead of accepting other job offers in California that presnted vollatility, I decided to take a trip to Kore and work as an English teacher on Jeju island. Now I save more money each month than I did at my previous job with all my expenses paid. Get creative and go where the opportunity presnts itself. And if no opportunity seems to come your way, evaluate yourself as to whether you need an attitude adjustment, a little more patience, drive, and openmindedness. But to YAWN at a man in his Fifties who has experienced more oppression, racism, and discrimination than you can even imagine, is just plain old spoiled and utter ignorance. Reap what you sowe brother.

    • Posted By: LIMPbaugh @ 04/09/2009 9:57:19 PM

      Shouldn't we have some violins playing in the background? Anthony, your story does exactly ring true.

  • Posted By: Love Bug @ 04/09/2009 12:40:12 PM

    Fear of losing one's job is certainly stressfull, but it's nothing compared to the isolation of unemployment because those who you thought were friends treat you like your unemployemnet is catching. When I lost my job last Novermber, I was more hurt and shocked by my "friends" pulling away than from the loss of the job itself. I can get over being mistreated by management, but it's going to take a lot longer to get over being treated like a pariah just because I had the misfortune to get laid off.

    Pardon me if I'm not crying in my beer for those who still draw a paycheck. At least they don't have to wonder what will happen when their money and unemployment checks run out. They still have time to save for that rainy day.

    • Posted By: phamiliar @ 07/30/2009 1:07:08 PM

      Oh my my my my, we are all crying because we have to experience humiliation. I agree with one comment written earlier, I never have been attached to material things and so when I acquire them, I am ready to let them go at an instant. Most of these posts---and I have read them, are really about people who had it good and now have to sacrafice some things, like moving in with Mom and Dad. At least some of us have parents to help out, some of my friends are orphans and would have no where to go if they couldn't pay the bills. Get creative and pull yourself out of the rut.

  • Posted By: ThePrairiePrankster @ 04/09/2009 12:15:14 PM

    How hard is it to pick up the phone or email a friend who was laid off?

    Why feel guilty if you did not play a role in your friend's misfortune?

    Be a good friend, stay in touch and be positive. I was unemployed and underemployed for 4 years before I got a "real full time" job again. The people who did not speak to me due to their "guilt" demonstrated that they were not really my friends. The people who stayed in touch, those were my real friends. Now that I am working steadily I am much happier, and I know who my real friends are.

    Are you a real friend or just a poser? Only you can answer that.

    Best wishes to one and all.

  • Posted By: ok4u @ 07/25/2009 7:55:26 AM

    Hope and change. Isn't it wonderful?

  • Posted By: reebs78 @ 04/09/2009 3:43:17 PM

    Found out am getting laid off on tuesday this coming June. With my wife already on disability due to stage 4 lymphoma I am also getting screwed on the raise I worked hard for all year while my coworkers got theirs today. But of course "It's not personal". Well it's personal to me! I may be homeless and wifeless with a 3 year old daughter in 6 months. Yea, let's hear more about those vacation plans and new cars. A$$-holes...

    • Posted By: mbagrad02 @ 07/02/2009 1:58:46 PM

      If she is on disability doesn't she also qualify for Medicare and the many Medicare HMO plans that are available like Secure Horizons, Kaiser-Pemenente, and Humana? There are jobs out there that will obviously force one to take a cut in pay, but they are a job nonetheless and some come with benefits. PFS food distribution company near my home is hiring warehouse workers with health care benefits and can't get anyone to take the jobs. I was unemployed back in 1994 after getting out of the Army for about two weeks. I had a 2 year old baby and a wife to support along with a carpayment and a rent payment. I had to suck up my pride and go work for a telemarketing firm to bring cash in and get on foodstamps. However, that job led to a management job which led to a job with health insurance firm which eventually helped me get into a great job with an investment firm with a high school diploma and half of my BA in business completed. This country was founded upon the principles of self reliance. It is not the government's job to get you a job.

    • Posted By: Cheddah @ 04/10/2009 6:24:11 PM

      reebs78-
      It's sad to think that we are just $$ signs on a spreadsheet to our employers, but that's how many of us are looked at. I have a friend who was "downsized" a few weeks ago. She's having chemotherapy every two weeks and was managing to work, God only knows how. I think it's immoral for a company to pull your insurance when you're in such obvious need.
      I am truly sorry for your troubles. I hope you have a good support system in your family and friends. There is no shame in asking for help when you're overwhelmed. Most people would be happy to be put in service. Take care of your family now, they need you more then any damned job!

      • Posted By: mbagrad02 @ 07/02/2009 1:47:59 PM

        Businesses are just that ...businesses. They are an inanimate entity that does not see personal relationships. Good leadership in a company will do their best to help a "downsized" employee during the transition, but ultimately, we are all responsible for ourselves. We do not live in a nanny state with cradle to grave care. We were not set up for that in 1776 and 1789.

  • Posted By: The Messiah @ 04/09/2009 6:42:57 PM

    Not to worry... With the loss of 700,000 U.S. jobs month after month after month, before long few in the working class will still have jobs. Then the impeachment proceedings will begin.

    • Posted By: mbagrad02 @ 07/02/2009 1:54:03 PM

      I agree. $1.7 trillion in TARP funds for "shovel ready" projects but only one half of one percent of the money has been distributed when unemployment claims rise every month faster than my electric meter on a hot July day. Impeachment is not necessarily the answer. The answer will iie at the ballot box in 2010 and again in 2012.

    • Posted By: reebs78 @ 04/09/2009 7:48:39 PM

      Can't happen soon enough. Obama is a liar and is going back on all his promises. Now he wants 80+ billion more for the wars he pledged to end. WAKE UP OBAMA SHEEP. Same old story. He is BUSH II... For Gods sake, the neo conservatives agree with his foreign policy!

      • Posted By: nimodahooligan @ 04/10/2009 11:38:51 AM

        hey, its the same old government, same old everything.

        every candidate promises change, because they inherantly have to do that to get vote. how old are you? and im not asking that in a condescending way, just wondering how many years youve paid attention to politics and why its some how suprising that not much is changing? 1 man cannot ever, ever, ever walk into the most powerful government on the planet and turn it upside down within 4 months. people are not realistic.

        as i remember, bush went back on alot of his promises, clinton went back on alot of his promises, bush sr. went back on alot of his promises, reagan went back on alot of his promises, carter went back on alot of his promises, nixon was a flat out crook....

        i mean, really, tell me when to stop cuz the list is extensive. they were all seen as liars, they all made false promises to get into power, they ALL abused they're power in some way whether we know about it publicly or not.

        a politician is supposed to be like a chameleon, and being 2 faced is a way of survival.

        suprise? no, this is how its been for over 100 years. almost every presidency is shrouded in secrets and deception somewhere along they're time in office.

        i mean hell, most politicians have been lawyers, thats a red flag right there...

      • Posted By: chris s. @ 04/09/2009 10:08:40 PM

        Didn't we just get rid of Bush #2?

      • Posted By: Goatskull @ 04/09/2009 9:56:45 PM

        Get real. All politicians lie. Honest people don't go into politics.

  • Posted By: LIMPbaugh @ 04/09/2009 5:43:49 PM

    someone help me out here. i must admit to watching fox News and listening to ole Rushbo even though i'm a democrat. there was an idiot named Glen beck on one of our florida radio Stations a while back. He was an independent conservative would basically knocked both parties , maybe a little more knocking of the Dems.

    Today I saw him on Fox news. He's no longer the Independent. He's a solid fox news mouth-breather, trying to do a comedy/commentry show. He is the lamest that i've ever seen. I mean the worst. He's so terrible, i had to tune him off in a couple of minutes.

    what in the world is fox thinking? They have the Beltway boys, Hannity, O'reilly and the others, who are highly competent, not withstanding that i seldom support their view.Has Fox lost it's way as far as program9ng goes? The latest additions of Greta, who is definitely out to lunch and this really bad Glen beck have two of the biggest boners for Fox. He just sucks. from here on my fox watching will be sans, Glen beck. ugh!

    • Posted By: chris s. @ 04/09/2009 10:20:25 PM

      I think this Beck guy is the new thing Fox is trying out. Kind of a cartoon character. This could be entertaining; in a 'try not to stare at a car wreck' sort of way. Especially after Rush just embarrassed the heck out if republicans. They have Limbaugh laying low for awhile. Don't worry, not for long though.

      • Posted By: mbagrad02 @ 07/02/2009 1:51:02 PM

        Glenn Beck is a normal everyday American that values family, faith and the principles that our nation was founded upon. He rails on both parties with equal disdain. Partisan politics is not doing ANYONE any good. Read his book "Common Sense" , It is a short read but thought provoking when we compare the things that Congress does with the consequences we would face as individuals if we were to do the same things such as when several Congressmen bounced personal checks at the House Bank and NOBODY was ever brought up on bad check charges or charged NSF fees.

    • Posted By: Goatskull @ 04/09/2009 10:02:54 PM

      You do know that Glen Beck had a show on CNN before Faux right?

  • Posted By: mbagrad02 @ 07/02/2009 1:45:48 PM

    I feel no guilt at all. Four years ago I left the private sector after seeing the handwriting on the wall and pursued a lifelong dream of becoming a teacher after 10 years of working for various Wall Street and off-Wall Street investment firms. I bought a home that I was able to pay for with cash that was a repossession and I have a job that is virtually recession proof. Many of today's employees who are being laid off, were living above their means buying homes they knew they would lose if their job went away. This recession is a prime example of learning that modest management of your finances and planning for the future actually works. We have been so greedy as a society that all we could see was dollar signs. As long as we had a montly income we could make the payment on our $200k homes.

    By passing this Cap and Trade bill we will lose TWO jobs for every "green" job created according the non-partisan Congressional Budget Office. Not only will people lose their jobs, they will see home energy costs shoot up 50% because a business never pays taxes they simply pass them on to the consumer. We are heading down a slippery slope of a President who wants to increase our energy bills by taxing our energy providers and by taxing our health care benefits after chiding Senator McCain for wanting to tax health care benefits.

  • Posted By: The Messiah @ 04/09/2009 1:19:03 PM

    This is just the beginning. It's only going to get worse. Wait until the end of '09 when 20 million people have lost their unemployment benifits and 20 million more have lost their jobs. Then the sh*t will hit the fan and impeachment proceedings will begin in earnest.

    • Posted By: chris s. @ 04/09/2009 10:07:07 PM

      You need to pace yourself, so your hatred doesn't all come spewing out at once.

    • Posted By: LIMPbaugh @ 04/09/2009 9:59:31 PM

      Keep praying for failure you mouth-breathing Republican assbite.

    • Posted By: glenn_inMN @ 04/09/2009 2:34:09 PM

      Yes, Impeachment that should have happened about 8 years ago!!

  • Posted By: CouldCareLessAnymore @ 04/09/2009 5:43:22 PM

    Well these friends didn`t mind buying cars, homes and everything else imaginable while I was paying off my cars and home and doing without. I tried to tell them over 5 years ago what was coming. After wasting everything they had and some they didn`t have they know all they`ll get out of me is an "I told you so"... Tough love... :-))

  • Posted By: Goatskull @ 04/09/2009 5:41:09 PM

    Wow I'm having a hard time with some of the posts. I was laid off for about 6 months and finally landed the job I???ve been wanting since the get go. During the time I was unemployed, no one treated me like that. All my friends and colleagues were very understanding and knew it could happen to them. Considering that this is happening to so many people, I can???t believe anyone would feel isolated and humiliated and that people who are still working are treating you that way. Guess I must have some awesome friends.

  • Posted By: Goatskull @ 04/09/2009 5:40:09 PM

    Wow I'm having a hard time with some of the posts. I was laid off for about 6 months and finally landed the job I???ve been wanting since the get go. During the time I was unemployed, no one treated me like that. All my friends and colleagues were very understanding and knew it could happen to them. Considering that this is happening to so many people, I can???t believe anyone would feel isolated and humiliated and that people who are still working are treating you that way. Guess I must have some awesome friends.

  • Posted By: sarahbrown @ 04/09/2009 12:30:37 PM

    I'm in this type of situation right now. I recently got a raise and bought my first new car. Meanwhile, many friends are either unemployed or underemployed, working part-time jobs to make ends meet. I ask them how the job search is going and try to be supportive and keep the topics off of money. It's hard when I seem to be doing so well, when so many of my friends are not. They seem to just be scraping by. I almost feel ashamed to mention things like my new car, vacation plans, etc...

    • Posted By: nimodahooligan @ 04/09/2009 5:02:39 PM

      same here...

      even though my full time job doesnt pay enough to take vacations, its paying my bills and putting food on the table.

      BUT, i am in the process of trying to buy a house for the first time (and trying to get all the perks of being a first time home buyer in the current market). and while im excited to be able to move up in the world and out of the renting situation, i feel i cant talk about what im trying to do with my life to friends that are dropping out of school because they're parents need them to work, or they are working 3 part time jobs... and ive definately been in those situations, working 1 full time job, 2 part time jobs, and gigging around town with several bands to make extra money...

      i guess no one said any of it was going to be easy. i just keep my axe to the grind wheel and keep going....

      although i am always supportive and trying to give advice, i still feel as if im condescending in a way to their abilities/intelligence... and thats hard.

  • Posted By: agichk @ 04/09/2009 3:25:48 PM

    Ha! People who still have jobs have it worse than those struggling to find a job in this economy?!?! What a load of manure! I am a 30-something who was working very hard everyday to please the firm and was laid off in the middle of the week, in the middle of an assignment! This field is drying up in front of my eyes... and my seven years of college and hard work might all be for naught... And those who are still working have it harder?!?! And yes, FloridaDreaming is stating what has been happening to all of us... associates and friends won't even talk to me any more... the isolation is deafening! It is not only a waiting game for another job... it's a mental game to see if you can withstand being socially isolated... and if you can survive long enough... you might ba able to get another job... though more or less, not in your own field! Please Mr. Soller, don't tell me that the schmucks out there, still working have it so tough... welll. they're not really working as i've seen many of my former cowrkers on facebook, today included...!

  • Posted By: floridadreaming @ 04/09/2009 2:30:44 PM

    The comments section speaks far more truth than the article itself. I've survived numerous rounds of layoffs over the last two years. But it was the layoff itself that was, by far, the most stressful. In addition to dealing with the humiliation and general loss of self worth after being told your services are no longer needed, there can be a profound sense of isolation. Former co-workers, with whom you had closely collaborated and socialized, want nothing to do with you. I can't count how many friends and acquaintances have stopped communicating with me after I told them I was laid off. Never once have I asked them for anything, nor have I ever tried to make them feel guilty for still being employed. As a well-qualified 30-something who worked hard to develop a relatively successful career, I know face the prospect of ultimate loserdome -- moving back in with the parents. Give me the stress of worrying about a potential layoff any day.

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