My Mother, My Bartender

Elisa Kelly thought she was doing the right thing when she bought $340 worth of beer and liquor for her 16-year-old son and more than 20 of his friends. In exchange for the booze, Kelly's son agreed that all his pals would sleep over at his birthday party. That, in the mind of the 42-year-old mother of two, was the best way to keep the underage revelers from drinking and driving. And, she says, none of the kids who came to her Earlysville, Va., home got hurt. But someone is indeed paying the price—Kelly herself went to jail this week to serve a 27-month sentence for providing alcohol to minors.

Her conviction raises some uncomfortable questions for parents as another season of alcohol-fueled graduation parties gets under way. Many communities around the country are imposing new or tougher “social host” laws that make parents legally responsible if underage guests drink at their homes. In some cases, the adults can be charged even if they weren't aware of the illegal imbibing on their property. Penalties range from probation to jail time and fines up to $5,000 depending on the circumstances and prevailing laws that determine if the offense is a misdemeanor, felony or violation of civil laws. (Check out your state's criminal social host laws at the Alcohol Policy Information's Web site.)

Oklahoma and Connecticut are the latest states to enact legislation forcing parents and other adults to take responsibility, essentially, for what gets consumed under their roofs. Previously in Connecticut, anyone could hold a drinking party on private property, and minors could drink at home regardless of whether their parents were present. The new law specifies that those under 21 can drink at home only if a parent or guardian is around. In Oklahoma, if someone tolerates underage drinking that later results in a fatality, they can be sent to prison for up to five years.

In New York's Nassau County, legislators are now considering a bill that would punish adults whose homes are the site of underage drinking whether they knew of the partying or not. (Exceptions in 31 states allow parents to give their own kids alcoholic beverages, though the conditions and locations vary. There's no truth to the rumor that parents can legally pass out beers to their kids' friends if their parents sign a waiver.)

Legal considerations aside, some parents argue that it’s safer to let kids drink at home under supervision rather than away from adult eyes. Many experts, however, disagree.
"In many cases parents do this under the false assumption that they are protecting their kids. They make the assumption that they won't drink elsewhere and that's not true," says Robert Lindsey, director of the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence.

In addition to drunken-driving accidents that too often end tragically, teen-drinking parties can spawn sexual assaults, stabbings, brawling and neighborhood vandalism.  "We all know we're fooling ourselves if we think underage drinking is fine," says Stacy Saetta, a legal policy researcher at the Center for the Study of Law and Enforcement Policy in Felton, Calif.  "Simply to say it's a rite of passage isn't good enough." Even when parents think they are doing the right thing by gathering car keys of partiers, "kids still get away and still drive drunk," she said. "These parties are very, very dangerous."