'What Seems Insurmountable is Not’

Your daughter is now 5. What advice do you have for other parents who find themselves in a similar situation? How do you explain to a young child what has happened to your family?
I haven't quite figured out that yet. She understands that we are separated. And like any child of separated or divorced parents, she certainly hopes that her parents will come together again. We explain we both love her very much, but we can't do that. The only other thing I can do is to make sure that she has a healthy relationship with her father. He is the only father she is every going to have. It's important that she have a healthy relationship with both parents. In terms of the rest, I'll give her information when it's age-appropriate with help from the right people.

You write that when the story broke, Jim McGreevey instructed you to say if a reporter asked you, that you were "sensitive" to the issue of gay marriage. For the record, do you have a position on same-sex marriage?
As a practicing Catholic, I believe marriage, the actual term "marriage," is between a man and a woman. I think it's important that partnerships between same-sex couples are protected. Working in health care, I've seen firsthand what some of the issue are. Four or five months before Jim came out, one of my co-workers who is gay; came to me and knew that Jim had passed a domestic-partnership law; and needed some information because his partner was facing a serious illness.  I hope all gays will have those [legal] rights so that gay people can live authentic lives like everyone else. It should be the norm, not the exception. Then what happened to me wouldn't be happening to other people.

Jim McGreevey has been accepted into an Episcopalian seminary to begin studying for the priesthood. Do you see him as someone qualified to provide spiritual counseling?
I think it's hypocritical. I have a lot of respect for the Episcopalian Church, we were married in the Episcopalian Church [because of McGreevey's first divorce.] Regardless of the religion though, one has a moral compass to lead. I don't think he has it. Frankly, I question why he's doing it and the timing of it.

Your former husband also has a new partner. Do you know him?
I've never met him.

At the time his book came out, they made the rounds of the various talk shows. What was it like to see them?
The person on TV was not the person I fell in love with and married. It was like watching a complete stranger.

What have you learned in all of this?
When I set out to write the book, I thought I was writing it for my own catharsis and so that my daughter would know 15 or 20 years from now why I did what I did and what happened. But it's become evident that I've done this for a number of people. I'd like to encourage people in similar circumstances, they can get past this. It's not an easy road, but what seems insurmountable is not. To other woman in the same circumstances, I want to say, "Don't be ashamed, you've done nothing to be ashamed of." I've had people say, "The day my husband came out of the closet was the day I went into the closet." I married my husband, because I fell in love with him and wanted to build a life together. I have nothing to be ashamed of. We shouldn't be going into the closet, because they came out.

© 2007