A Guide for Caregivers

When someone is too sick to live on his own and requires round-the-clock care or is recovering from an illness or operation, a nursing home is generally the best choice. These facilities are state licensed, providing nursing and personal care and needed medical services. Like other facilities, nursing homes do offer social activities to residents.

Assisted-living facilities cost on average about $32,000 per year; a semiprivate room in a nursing home runs about $65,000 per year. While Medicare will pay for nursing-home services for a specified period of time for people recovering from surgery or in need of rehabilitation, it does not cover long-term-care expenses. Nor does Medicare pay for assisted living or any of the other senior housing options. "People will say to me, 'What do you mean, Medicare doesn't pay for assisted living or nursing homes?' " says Larry Minnix, AAHSA president. "People are in a world of hurt when they do the math." Your best bet, again, is to plan ahead.

Sometimes a move to an assisted-living facility can help elders socialize. "The decision to move from an existing home is really tough," says Minnix. "Within reason, the wishes of the parent should come first. If a parent wants to stay in the home, do all you can to help them stay there." Internet resources provide a wealth of information on how to choose the best facility or how to help parents make a decision to stay or leave their homes. To help assess your parents' needs, your first stop should be your local Area Agency on Aging.

Family Dynamics
Providing care for an aging parent can create friction among family members. Some siblings may be in denial about a parent's condition; others may not want to be involved in caregiving. "There is no easy way to straighten out years of problems among siblings," says the Family Caregiver Alliance's Schempp.

"Sometimes when a parent requires care it can bring out the best in people. Sometimes it can bring out the worst." If you're having trouble in the sibling-rivalry department, try a family meeting with an outside facilitator, such as a close family friend, attorney, social worker or clergy member. This mediator can make sure that all siblings get their say.

One of the most undervalued roles that siblings can play is providing respite care to the primary caregiver, helping with shopping, transportation, doctor's visits and other tasks. According to the Family Caregiver Alliance, baby boomers caring for aging parents while juggling work and their own family responsibilities are at increased risk for depression and chronic illness and an overall decline in quality of life. Ask for help from siblings or local resources, such as senior centers and the local Area Agency on Aging. Support groups can help, too.