Sex & Love: The New World

The longer they're single, the harder it is for boomer women to settle down. Cecilia Mowatt, 45, a lawyer turned consultant, always thought she would be married, but time passed quickly. "I was busy leading my life, doing my corporate career, all the Junior League stuff and philanthropic stuff to give back, and I kind of forgot about what I wanted to do for me in terms of a personal life," she says. But she admits she has become accustomed to her freedom and has come to cherish it. "Marriage is no easy thing," she says. "That partnership requires work every single day, and a commitment that's incredible."

For boomer men, the new rules can be bewildering at first but ultimately liberating. Lawyer Alan Kopit, 53, re-entered the dating scene in 2003 after a marriage that lasted nearly 18 years. "It used to be that a guy called the girl and set up the date," says Kopit, who lives in a Cleveland suburb. "Now a woman can just as easily call me and ask if I want to get together." This shift makes dating a lot more balanced, he says. A generation ago, it was the women who sacrificed a postdivorce social life to care for the children. But Kopit, like many divorced dads, is always thinking about the effect dating has on his daughters, ages 16 and 12, who live with him four nights a week. "I have to fit dating around my parental responsibilities," he says.

Even though he knew things weren't going well, Joe Germana tried to revive the relationship with his former classmate. He calls this effort "simpleton thinking with the brain between my legs." But they both had full lives and lived hundreds of miles apart. The situation was impossible. Eventually, they stopped communicating. "It was horrible," he says. Heartbreak in your 40s is a much slower-healing wound. But he still wanted love in his life, so a few months later he signed up on eHarmony.com, figuring that having to pay a fee might "weed out" women who weren't serious. After weeks of e-mails, he finally found a woman with potential. She liked classical music, bike rides and walks in the park, and had two kids close in age to his own. She worked in an office, as he did, and was recently divorced.

Only one hitch. She was 10 years younger.

In past generations, the age game always worked in favor of men. The assumption was that they could readily date down the calendar while women couldn't. But as Germana was about to find out, those rules have changed. Germana and the younger woman hit it off on their first date, and things moved "slowly, very slowly" until her 40th birthday. He bought her 40 long-stemmed roses and says he was "rewarded" for his patience. And so it began—lots of passion and lots of late nights. Paradise? Not exactly. "The lifestyle was killing me," Germana says. "I'm not used to all those late nights." He began to long for his quieter and more sedentary lifestyle. The younger woman took off on her annual camping trip with her kids. By the time she came back, the relationship had fizzled. "She needed someone younger and more exciting," he says, "and I needed a break since I was half dead."

Women in their 40s and 50s fantasize about younger men for the same reasons older men have always chased hot young babes—pure and simple lust. But reversing the sexes adds some interesting quirks. Think of the groundbreaking affair between Samantha Jones, the aggressive publicist on "Sex and the City," and her gentle boy toy, Smith Jerrod. She guided his career, gave him the benefit of her experience and expertise, and he gave her compassion and loyalty when she battled cancer. And he was one amazing lover.