Wall Street Blues
Jukebox on the wall play us the number one the hit song, ???The American Eagle has no brains it flies into walls.??? Sarah the most mysterious person he hardly knew except for her outrageously wacky hat said, ???this head automatically turns off any thing in bad taste.??? Then when she had nailed everyone???s rapt attention announced in that stentorious voice, ???you can tell people about witchcraft but you can???t lead them to it.??? That set everyone with stock & bonds back on their high heels. Jukebox on the wall play us a great tune or go to hell. A phone went off. ???Sarah here.??? The Jukebox blared that rap crap backing while she chanted, ???If you don???t possess a purple tiffany box you can???t expect to get a yellow ribbon.??? Oh Jukebox on the wall tell me why, why do American Eagles fly into walls and knock their brains out???? Sarah got off the phone jiggling like a peppermint teabag & shouted out to all in sundry, ???I need to have a pee desperately,??? & she left right left right left right left with Staggers and her cubs following in single file tails between their legs. Jukebox on the wall when will the American Eagles hit the wall?' With his last gasp & in extreme agony he wheezed, ???The American Eagle has no brains it has hit the wall.??? Unwanted, uncared for tortured by his tremendous success George was deflated. His crocodile skin boots are moudly in the repair shop but his lonesome lootbags dangle safely offshore. Remember his last wish & testament was to expire with perfect plastic teeth. Those shining eyes glowed like terminal fireballs as he fried in his own juices with extreme prejudice in the updraft. Jukebox on the wall play us all a heroic bugle call. The monster python swallowed a whole sheep & never spat out any shredded wool. Jukebox on the wall a song to aid digestion, if you please. After the farewell remarks Sarah kept pressing the END continuously but it did not END. Heaven does not kick in until you???re dead. Jukebox on the wall I am tired of poets. Give me history.
In Iraq, Nothing Succeeds Like Failure
Gen. Petraeus is a smart and capable leader. But he's not the savior Congress imagines him to be—and his strategy won't work.
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Watching Congress grovel, slobber and genuflect before the Surge-Master, you have to wonder who appointed David Petraeus God. If anyone expected this to be a roasting of our military and civilian leaders by our country's legislators, over a deeply unpopular and disastrous war, they were with few exceptions disappointed. Over and over, members of Congress made a point of telling us about their day or two of living dangerously when they had been whisked in high security in and out of Iraq and became instant experts after some Vulcan mind-melding with Gen. Petraeus. There were far more self-serving speeches and idolatrous praise-givings than tough cross-examinations. Senator Barbara Boxer even produced a poster-size picture of her with Petraeus in Iraq, but at least she upbraided the general for the rose-tinted glasses he had been wearing in early descriptions of the situation in Iraq. Most of the rest of the committee members were seated docilely in the choir pews, muttering amens. They seemed if anything more concerned with repudiating the attack ad on "General Betray-us" published the day the hearings opened than with doing any serious cross-examining of the commander of our mess in Mesopotamia.
David Petraeus is perfectly cast in that role. He rose to fame not by his achievements but by his success in selling them as achievements. He's first of all a great communicator. When he was the commander in Mosul, in northern Iraq, at a time when the city was relatively quiet compared to Baghdad and central Iraq, he managed to persuade a host of journalists that Mosul demonstrated that he knew how to do it—unlike the idiot generals down in Baghdad. (He never actually put it like that; he was far too careful a politician for any such indiscretions.) There was always a seat on his chopper for a visiting reporter, and Petraeus—with his self-confident, intelligent patter and apparent accessibility and openness—made friends of many of them.
In retrospect, though, Mosul was just a happy accident on Petraeus's path to divinity. He had an entire division, one of our best, the 101st Airborne, to police a place that was already quiet and never gave any more than token resistance during the invasion. After he left, the task fell to a mere brigade; Mosul heated up (it's now one of the worst places in Iraq), and many of Petraeus's much lauded counterinsurgency measures—the local television reality shows, the community outreach, the citizens' councils—all fell apart.
By then Petraeus had moved onward and upward and taken command of the training program for Iraqi security forces. About that time NEWSWEEK put him on our cover in a fawning report (which, full disclosure, I wrote) entitled "Can This Man Save Iraq?" with the clear implication that he could.
Training the Iraqi military and shifting responsibility to them was the mantra Petraeus sold to hundreds of credulous reporters and hundreds of even more credulous visiting CODELs (congressional delegations). We would "stand them up" and then sit back in our comfortably safe bases and support Iraqi security forces with rapidly declining numbers of our own troops. Petraeus didn't invent that strategy, but he was its most visible and ardent champion and the general in charge of setting up the training program. After a year he left Iraq to spend a tour stateside, during which he produced the Army's new counterinsurgency manual. By the time he left, the training program was clearly on its way to spectacular failure. By the end of last year that had become received wisdom; it became convenient for the brass to blame the fiasco on the politically less popular and media-friendless Gen. George Casey. Entire brigades of police had to be pulled off the street and retrained because they were evidently riddled with death squads and in some cases even with insurgents. The Iraqi Army was all but useless, a feeble patient kept on life support by the American military.
Re-enter Petraeus, anointed by President Bush to take over and breathe new life into the effort—proof, if any were needed, that in Iraq nothing succeeds so well as failure. Promoted to become one of the army's youngest four-star generals at the age of 54, Petraeus was put in charge of finding a new strategy to repudiate the train-them-up-and-turn-it-over strategy. Dwight D. Eisenhower got his fourth star at age 53, but Petraeus is no Ike, and Iraq is no World War II. Still, it's the only war we've got, and he's our only hero.
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