You and Your Quirky Kid

My son couldn't get along in middle school and asked too many questions, when they went unanswered he was termed "a problem" and other problems ensued; in high school he thought his classmates were stupid and only thought of having brand clothes and superficial things while he was into advanced IT projects, writing and got along more with adults, it was clear he was very intelligent but had social problems; when we moved to Mexico, he started and online high school and was able to devote more time to his computer stuff and seemed happier too, adults all around us enjoy his company and are impressed with his range of interests and vocabulary, he writes beautifully. He still has no interest in other kids and usually hangs out with adults. As a mother I worry he's missing his teen years, he's now 17, but then I think back on mine and I figure he will be ok. He is a wonderfully gifted person with a great heart and when we are able to travel, he does his homework and can explain the difference in technique of the great masters, has his favorites, loves museums, cooks well and is my Sous Chef (I am a Chef) and enjoys things most kids do not, yet alternative rock and the Beatles are there... His school didn't know what to do with him, kept him back, labeled him, gave him bad grades and made him feel inadequate. I am sure he will be a wonderful adult and will contribute positively to our world, how can you say these special kids are "not normal"? What is normal anyway? I don't think the measuring stick is way off, we must be open to all paths that lead to growth and human development and not shut out those that don't fit the "pattern", it's unfair, unkind and causes emotional scars that are unnecessary for all involved.

I was a quirky kid and I have quirky kids. For me it was that by the age of 11, both my mother and a step-mother had died and in 6th grade my beloved grandmother died. My household expanded to step brother and sisters that didn't want to be there and I didn't understand what was going on. I knew I was loved, was never abused nor neglected, but my father grieved not only for his wives, but for the odd childhood I was having to endure. My grief manifested itself in quirky behavior which my step-siblings and classmates were quick to point out.

For my own children, panicked trips to Children's Hospital with a baby blue and limp from eating rice cereal and ER docs scratching their heads, "Gosh, I've never seen anything like this before." lead us on a journey of specialists and occupational therapy. A diagnosis of Sensory Defensiveness and the subsequent 'brushing' therapy allowed our underweight little girl to begin eating normally. My boy was born hydrocephalic and his brain and his body don't talk well to each other. Each big skill like walking or toilet training was greatly delayed, but they did come in time. His peers are baffled why he can't pump a swing or ride a bike at nearly 7, but we know that he will gain these skills when his mind and body start talking about it. I'm just delighted he can spit toothpaste in the sink now! His gross motor is delayed, but oh, his mind! He is easily 2 years+ advanced of his peers cognitively and verbally. He can carry on conversations about science, history or politics. He is an advanced and quick reader and draws conclusions that are astounding while even listening to song lyrics.

For both kids our great answer has been to be enrolled in a schooled-at-home Virtual Academy. Both can work at their own pace and while still having a socially busy life, do not have to battle with the schoolyard issues. I am excited to see who they will be as adults! Quirky kids are awesome!

Thank you so much for this wonderful piece. I too have a son who falls in this category. I will definitely say that it has its challenging moments but the sum of all of it is that he is my heart and soul. I can not believe that I helped to create this little man.

I could have written this story myself about my son, a 3 1/2 year old who misses each milestone by a step and a half, then meets it the minute you think he won't, but adds a new "quirk" right about the same time. My article might have been longer, and included sections on parental issues such as guilt and financial stresses, but it would have had pretty much the same take -- my kid is different, but does that really have to be so dire? I mean, our school seems completely freaked out by him. As his exhausted mother, I certainly can empathize that he is a demanding child, but I also happen to teach at the school he goes to, and have for 12 years -- I've taught lots of demanding, exhausting children. I always thought it came with the territory. Some days are harder than others, and I eagerly seek a diagnosis with the admittedly naive hope that it will come with some help, guidance, solutions.... other days, like ones on which my boy meets some previously elusive milestone, I think, give me a break, he's a weird kid and I'm cool with that. Do I really need to spend every spare dollar, minute, vacation day, and bit of head space consulting every OT, PT, psychologist and developmental pediatrician in town just to confirm that, yep, he's a quirky boy alright? Aren't things tough enough already?

I have been trying to "peg" my son's quirky behaviors since toddler years. Bentley is 9 and when we go anywhere, he talks about architecture and details about building and when in Target, wants to go wee the coffee maker and washing machines before the Knex toys(the only toys he likes, besides legos) . He can draw in perspective and has sinne age 4. He struggles in Math, especially word problems. He is so sweet, sensitive and does not pick up on some social things, sarcasm, jokes and sometimes says things that cam be "rude" to the average person. His intentions are quite the oppposite. He loves family and food. He is a bit overweight, and i am sure he gets teased, but does not always see or pick up on the poiniting and laughing. He has 3 step siblings whom are great w/ him, they like all siblings don't always want him aroung, but they get him and always allow him to just be. My heart aches for him, and i wnat to build his confidence for this sometimes difficult and harsh world all kids learn to live life , I struggle w/ my "selfish" mother way of he needs friends and to get involved, when Benltey says to me " I don't want friends"....I want to start a meet group or discussion group for kids and parents w/ same lifestyes as my family...anyone can help or offer any wisdom I would love it. Rebecca Asheville NC regardner@hotmail.com

I have been trying to "peg" my son's quirky behaviors since toddler years. Bentley is 9 and when we go anywhere, he talks about architecture and details about building and when in Target, wants to go wee the coffee maker and washing machines before the Knex toys(the only toys he likes, besides legos) . He can draw in perspective and has sinne age 4. He struggles in Math, especially word problems. He is so sweet, sensitive and does not pick up on some social things, sarcasm, jokes and sometimes says things that cam be "rude" to the average person. His intentions are quite the oppposite. He loves family and food. He is a bit overweight, and i am sure he gets teased, but does not always see or pick up on the poiniting and laughing. He has 3 step siblings whom are great w/ him, they like all siblings don't always want him aroung, but they get him and always allow him to just be. My heart aches for him, and i wnat to build his confidence for this sometimes difficult and harsh world all kids learn to live life , I struggle w/ my "selfish" mother way of he needs friends and to get involved, when Benltey says to me " I don't want friends"....I want to start a meet group or discussion group for kids and parents w/ same lifestyes as my family...anyone can help or offer any wisdom I would love it. Rebecca Asheville NC regardner@hotmail.com