The Birds, The Bees and Britney’s Undies | Newsweek Family

A new book helps adults talk to kids about the birds, the bees and Britney's underwear in an age when sexual innuendo and provocative images seem to be everywhere.

By Karen Springen | Newsweek Web Exclusive

Sep 20, 2007 | Updated: 11:01 a.m. ET Sep 27, 2007

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A generation ago, kids watched the wholesome "Brady Bunch" kids. These days, they're likely to be confronted with Britney Spears in costumes that could be confused with underwear and constant discussion of the pop star's chaotic love life. Sexual innuendo seems ever more prevalent in both ads and entertainment. A Kaiser Family Foundation study found that 70 percent of all television shows they surveyed on the major network and cable channels in 2005 included some sexual content, averaging about five sex scenes per hour. In 1998, that number was about three scenes per hour. And while teen pregnancy rates are down slightly, there are other alarming statistics. More than 6 percent of high-school students say they had sexual intercourse before they turned 13, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention National Youth Risk Behavior Survey of 2005.

What's a parent to do? Sex educator Logan Levkoff, author of the new book, "Third Base Ain't What It Used to Be" (New American Library), urges mothers and fathers not to put off discussing sexuality with their children. NEWSWEEK's Karen Springen talks with Levkoff about the best way to tackle the topic in the era of bad girls, the Internet and those explicitly worded TV ads for erectile-dysfunction drugs. Excerpts:

NEWSWEEK: Let's talk about the title of your book.
Logan Levkoff: The whole idea behind "Third Base Ain't What It Used to Be" is in the last 10 years or so that I've been working with teens, they always ask, "What was it like when you were our age? Were bases the same?" A generation ago, third base was kind of below-the-belt touching. And now third base is, or can be, oral sex. Intimacy has changed. The bases have changed. Because of that, we need to start talking.

What should parents do when their kids ask them about their own first-, second- and third-base experiences—like, "Mommy, how old were you when you first kissed a boy?" And "did you ever sleep with anyone besides Daddy?"
Depending upon the relationship you have with your child, and depending developmentally where your child is, it's OK to answer some of those questions. Especially as tweens become teens, it's important to share some of those experiences. I think we empower our teens by sharing some of those things with them. It means you care enough about them to show you trust them. It doesn't just have to be telling if and when you had sex with someone other than the other parent, but why did you decide to go out with someone or hold someone's hand.

Parents should decide if they feel comfortable talking about it?
Yes. And parents can say, "That's an important question. Tell me a little bit about why you want to know. Are you considering doing these things, or are your friends?"

What about the effects of exposure to sex in the media?
They're exposed to everything. I had a sixth-grade girl ask me what a dildo was. She heard it; she wanted to know what the word was. I think she heard it on [HBO's] "Sex and the City." You have to use them as opportunities to talk. Otherwise, you're doing them a tremendous disservice. I don't know if you know that networks will air ads during prime time for Viagra and birth-control pills and herpes medications, but the majority of them will not air condom ads [then], even if there's no mention of the word sex. Even our advertising, not just our entertainment media, is giving us lots of messages about sex, but we're not getting the protection message.

A girl raised her hand and said, "I was surprised you even spoke positively about sexuality. I thought you'd say, never have sex or you'll die."

That about says it all. My school and mom used scare tactics. I was really surprised about the negativity I was hearing. It was all 'disease and pregnancy oh my'! Nobody said a single word about pleasure or enjoyment or emotional connection or stress relief & relaxation. It was all doom and gloom and "choose abstinence'.

But parents and schools are known for falling prey to sensationalism and paranoia and being heavy handed in response. Problem is, they aren't helping, they're just making things worse.