Not Your Parents’ Third Base

How should parents respond if kids are accidentally exposed to sexually explicit material on the Internet?
Let them explain to you what they saw. Really get a sense first of how they felt about this, what their questions are. Inevitably their question is, "Why are people looking at this?" I do have this whole chapter on pornography and the Internet. You do have to explain that there are some people who like to look at naked people. But that doesn't mean you have to, it doesn't mean you'll ever want to. Because it interrupted your studies, what you were looking for, let's find a way to fix this so it doesn't happen again. That should hold them off until they start asking more sophisticated questions.

What should parents say when kids ask about the sometimes R-rated troubles of celebrities like Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan?
They're wonderful opportunities to talk to your kids, certainly to get a litmus test of their values, about what's acceptable to do. I would use this as an example of, "How are you feeling about what's going on? What are some of your friends talking about? When I was a teenager, we had this particular [popular public] figure, and they weren't doing these things." Through that kind of open dialogue, you can infuse what values you see fit. Let them talk to you.

So don't just say 'Bad Britney!'
You don't want that to be the first thing out of your mouth. 

The Centers for Disease Control's survey of high-school students says 14.3 percent said they had already had sex with four or more people. What should parents take from those alarming statistics?
Statistics are always tricky. But we have an incredible opportunity to start giving kids really positive, healthy messages about sexuality, which means saying sexuality is a wonderful and important part of our lives, and there are a lot of ways to be in touch with those feelings, but not necessarily to make poor decisions. [The statistics are] motivation for all us to be better parents, to be better educators. One of the reasons I wrote the book is, pardon the pun, to get parents to step up to the plate. We have to change our game and be candid. We shouldn't pretend that sex isn't wonderful and pleasurable.

What about the role alcohol plays in teens' lives? In the CDC survey, 25.6 percent of high-school students said they had drunk alcohol (not just taken sips) before they were 13.
Alcohol plays a huge role in why people make poor decisions about sex. One of the reasons people drink alcohol is to lose their inhibitions and give them permission to do things they want to do but can't do in their real life. People need an excuse to feel sexual so they can blame it on something else. [The message you want to convey is:] I don't need alcohol to make me feel good about who I am or those feelings.

So parents should talk to kids about alcohol and sex at same time?
Normalize sexuality. We all have sexual feelings, but we don't always have sex. Being a sexual person does not mean you're sexually active. It is absolutely acceptable and recommended for a large majority of teens to stay abstinent. But it's not the only option. They'll find other ways around it, for example, using alcohol to legitimize it. I don't have to own the decision if I was drunk.