Great Title for the article. Good article too. There's a blurb in the paper article written by a mother that I think is insightful (kind of a "yeah they're more involved, but men and women still seem to have different roles and definitions of 'involvement'"). I liked that blurb (which doesn't seem to be posted online) as much as the main article. I'd guess the whole article is all old news for every dad in his 20's and 30's right now, but it's important to explain our lives to past and future generations.
Can I make one observation? Why do older generations place the blame for every parenting mistake they'll own up to, to a family on TV? I'm speaking of Leave It To Beaver. Perhaps it's because they had as many episodes as Friends did (one less, actually) and aired 4 nights a week on a TV that MAYBE had 2 other channels if you lived in a metropolis? Then again, aside from reruns, it only ran for 5 years. Surely the show isn't bad enough to be guilty of all the parenting ills of the past generation. If so then can I blame all the mistakes I'm making now on The Simpsons? Can I be a brain-dead dad just because the funny man on TV all the time is that way? Most Gen-X'ers have never seen a Leave It To Beaver episode including myself. We only know about it because those who lived in the days of modernity constantly use it as a punchline. Or worse: An excuse.
amrwillgofar: Let me encourage you as you continue to get these Mr Mom "compliments". We've all gotten them before and thanks to stereotypes handed down to us from past generations we will continue to get them for now. They just don't understand that while they mean well they are equivilently saying, "You are doing so well! You've almost reached the state or womanhood!". It's a two-way street, of course, as I'm reminded of the flipside to that 2-faced "compliment" that Secret deoderant used for their old ad slogan which read, "Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman." (Now it's rightfully been changed to simply, "Strong enough for a woman"; as to whether it, in fact, is I cannot comment).
I can only encourage you to smile back very kindly and sincerely and say, "I appreciate your kindness but if it's okay I would much prefer to just be called 'Mr Dad'. That would make my day".
Just Don’t Call Me Mr. Mom
Email To A Friend
Please fill in the following information and we'll email this link.
While I was on leave, I fell into a predictable, if occasionally dull, routine. We spent a lot of time at playgrounds or on playdates (stay-at-home-dad perk: a glass of wine at the end of the day with bored young moms). I did the shopping and the cooking, the diaper changing and bathing. I became fluent in sleep schedules and stubborn dietary whims (I'd die happily without enduring another all-macaroni Monday). It was the most rewarding time of my life—and a bonding experience I wouldn't trade for anything. But when Freya turned 1 it was time for me to get back to work, as much for my sanity as my bank balance. All this is not to tell you what an awesome dad I am (although, if pressed, I will admit to being a little awesome). But I like to think that I will get something out of parenting that, maybe, my dad didn't. Clearly I'm not alone: in 1965 men spent just 2.6 hours a week with their kids—today that number is up to 6.5 hours. An impressive leap, but still shockingly low—that's less than an hour a day. What did Average '60s Dad do with his free time if it wasn't hanging out with his spawn?
In the last decade, the number of stay-at-home dads has tripled. "There's been a fascinating cultural shift," says Glen Palm, professor of family studies at Minnesota's St. Cloud State University. "Fathers today put much more focus on nurturing and caring for their kids than on the traditional breadwinner role." And they're willing to fight for it: since the mid-1990s, the number of men and women suing their employers for family leave has soared 300 percent. Men make up a growing segment of that group—11 percent, compared with 5 percent a decade ago. Why take such a risk? A survey released earlier this year by Minnesota's Department for Families and Children's Services shows that men consider child care to be far more important than a handsome paycheck. Out of 600 dads surveyed, a majority said their most important role was to "show love and affection" to kids. "Safety and protection" came next, "moral guidance," "tak[ing] time to play" and "teaching and encouraging." "Financial care" finished last.
These are the precise reasons I took time off to be with Freya. Some dads, and quite a few moms, jokingly questioned my sanity. For me, it's a no-brainer: beyond a sense of obligation, there is also the simple desire to get to know her. Also, she's ridiculously fun. Mind you, I'm not trying to be her friend. Rather, I want her to know that in me she'll always have a place to turn to feel safe, to calibrate her values, to seek counsel, to receive encouragement. For many dads, it's about reclaiming our share of nurturing from moms. (I have no doubt there are several states where saying that last sentence out loud could get me beaten up.)
Still, the stereotypes persist. Martha Stewart Living recently hosted a "Mr. Mom Show" in honor of "National Men Make Dinner Day." This was annoying on about 642 levels. First of all, "Mr. Mom"? That 1983 Michael Keaton movie relied on tired gender stereotypes for its equally tired gags about dads' getting peed on while changing diapers. Second of all, who gets away with cooking dinner only one night a year anymore? Then there's Parenting magazine. Look above its cover logo: you'll see a slogan that reads WHAT MATTERS TO MOMS. Oh, really? This would be like NEWSWEEK's suggesting that on its pages you'll find "Stuff that concerns menfolk."
Don't get me wrong. I'm no saint. Ask me when my kid's next appointment with her pediatrician is. No clue. Want to know her shoe size? You'd be better off asking Mom. I've been known to leave the house without a sippy cup. Or snacks. Or extra diapers. Once I locked my napping child along with my keys inside our apartment for an agonizing hour.
Still, the bottom line is that today's guys are procreating, parenting and pleased with ourselves. Sure, you'll have to endure the occasional hipster dad who slaps a Sex Pistols decal on his $800 Bugaboo stroller. Some of us will give our kids offbeat names like Freya and diligently document our every self-important, profanity-laced insight on our blogs. And it will be another generation who will tell us if this grand experiment has worked. But one thing is clear: we tend to have a different outlook than our fathers did. Maybe we take a little more active delight in our children. Maybe not.
Discuss