Let’s Talk About Sex

What if I've tried ED medication and the sex still hasn't been satisfying?
"A man can come home with [his pills] and be ready to move right to intercourse, but if the transition activities haven't happened, it might not be physically or emotionally comfortable for the woman. Women want to feel close to their partner before and during sex, so I say take the time you need to feel deeply aroused and connected to your partner first. Allow time to deepen the intimacy and the pleasure."

I'm nervous about dating again at my age.
"When people get divorced or become single again they go through a kind of adolescence. They're making the same kinds of sexual decisions they made as teenagers: when, where, with whom, and how far should I go? They're forming a new sexual identity. Some people think that you're supposed to get to sex right away because you're older and more experienced, but take some time to talk. Discuss what you like in sex, your concerns, your histories."

Should I talk about my performance worries with a prospective partner?
"Yes. When you talk about your concerns, it's creating intimacy. If you hold something back, then your attention is on your performance. A man might be very worried about getting an erection, but the woman might be worried about her physical responses too. So they should really try to get to know each other first. If you're both thinking too much about performance, then you haven't spent enough time together to be really connected."

(Of course long-term sexual problems can be an indication of other physical or emotional problems, so don't hesitate to ask your primary-care physician for advice.)

© 2007