What I Learned

No one is going to invite you to the table; you have to take the initiative. That means you have to have a thick skin. Ninety-nine percent of the time it isn't personal. People aren't sitting around thinking how they can exclude you.

Do your homework. Know your issues. Know them better than anyone else. Study. Listen. Show up on time—preferably early. Don't think you know everything. No one knows everything. Don't act like you know everything. Don't be afraid to ask questions and to be comfortable with what you don't know. Get experts to brief you and guide you on what you don't know. Your ability to get things done in any organization is all about relationships. Never burn a bridge if you can avoid it. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Our reputations follow us throughout our lives, so how you treat others will be remembered.

Erskine Bowles, who was my boss at the White House when he was deputy chief of staff, told me two things that helped shape my ideas about leadership. The first is that it's important to know what you're good at, but it's more important to know what you're not good at. Surround yourself with people who know more than you. The second thing is, don't think you need to be in every meeting. People make the mistake of thinking that if they're not in a meeting, they're not important or they're going to miss something. But if you go to every meeting, you don't get any work done.

There are two types of people in the world: people who create chaos and unnecessary work, and people who eliminate chaos and get the job done. Every organization has people who will attempt to waste your time—and take you off your focus—with the downward-spiral conversation about the negative aspects of the organization, a co-worker or new project. It's energy-draining to talk about all the things that aren't working.

Don't talk in a meeting unless you have something to add. A lot of people think that if they sit in a meeting and say nothing, people will think they don't know anything. And then they say something that's not relevant just to participate.

Don't send long, flowery e-mails. To be taken seriously as a woman, you have to understand how men's brains work. Be very succinct in your response and very clear about what you are asking in the e-mail.