HEALTH

What’s Chemo, Mommy?

There are no easy answers when parents with young kids become seriously ill. How new strategies help families cope.

By Mary Carmichael | NEWSWEEK

From the magazine issue dated Oct 22, 2007

« Return to Article

Discuss

Posted By: Joey B. @ 10/29/2007 11:12:41 PM

Comment: Living with cancer is like having a full time job. Having scans is like constantly dodging bullets. No one can comprehend the magnitude of life with cancer unless they are either living it or living with someone who has it. Raising children while trying to live a normal life under abnormal circumstances is challenging. Children are the life inspiring antidotes to the poisonous chemicals of the chemo. I would have a hard time getting through my cancer without having the unconditional love of my child.
Posted By: marciac100 @ 10/19/2007 2:12:24 PM

Comment: I think the point of the story is not just a quick question on what is chemo. Its about love and family and children and how to explain to them about cancer . Their little minds are thinking all kinds of things. Its horrible to watch people go through treatment and to have someone post a comment like that is just so wrong. I thought the article was informative and I'm sure it will help many people.
Posted By: marciac100 @ 10/19/2007 2:06:38 PM

Comment: Enter Your Comment
Posted By: lallain @ 10/18/2007 10:54:00 AM

Comment: Enter Your Comment
Posted By: lallain @ 10/18/2007 10:52:29 AM

Comment: I am a friend of Mary Lynne Wilson's. I will tell you Mary Lynne is one of the strongest and most optimistic people you will ever meet. If you were to ever meet her you would never know she is sick. She has a great family and friend support group. We are all routing for her recovery and will always help with her children whenever we can!!!
Posted By: annieq @ 10/17/2007 10:56:29 PM

Comment: I was so impressed with both Mary and Newsweek for their candid and accurate discussion of when a parent has cancer. I was 7 the first time my mom had breast cancer and 13 when she had a recurrence and eighteen when she died. My parents were age appropriately honest with us and it made all the difference when I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 37 with three young children. I had a recurrence a year later and throughout my treatment and surgeries, I talked to my kids. Nine years later, I am cancerfree and I still talk to my kids about my illness as they age, their questions and understanding has changed. I also talk to young parents when they are diagnosed about how to talk to their children. Often, people tell me they do not plan to tell their kids. I think this is a huge mistake because those children know there is something very wrong on different in their home. Their imagination can be far worse and inaccurate then the truth. Remember, we are the examples for our children. I am glad my parents taught me what to do. Thank you again for talking about this painful subject.
Posted By: Shari @ 10/15/2007 8:31:30 PM

Comment: I was 8 years old when my mother was diagnosed with Multiplemyloma and 11 when she passed away. I didn't mourn her until I was 13 because it hit me then and I have missed her ever since. Children are so self-centered that they don't really know death is so final here on earth and my mother let me know we are going to meet each other again in heaven. That gave and gives me great peace..SS
Posted By: judysmith @ 10/15/2007 2:55:39 PM

Comment: testing my comment registration
Posted By: judysmith @ 10/15/2007 2:54:57 PM

Comment: Enter Your Comment
Posted By: tluckey @ 10/15/2007 2:40:46 PM

Comment: Enter Your Comment
Posted By: vzeigler @ 10/15/2007 12:42:30 PM

Comment: To afy2528, I think you're missing the point. Sure, it would be easy to just say that Chemo is medicine, but there are many other implications of a seriously or terminally ill parent that must also be addressed with young children. If you don't like the sappy stories, then don't read them, but don't discount the information presented here that can be helpful to families dealing with the tragedy of potentially losing a parent of small children. Grow a heart!
Posted By: vzeigler @ 10/15/2007 12:39:19 PM

Comment: To afy2528, I think you're missing the point. Sure, it's easy to say that Chemo is medicine, but there are farther reaching questions and concerns that kids go through when their parents are seriously ill. If you don't like the "sappy" stories, then don't read them, but don't discount the information that is presented here that can help families deal with what is often a major tragedy. Grow a heart!
Posted By: gandwmom @ 10/15/2007 12:37:40 PM

Comment: afy2528
Apparently you don't have children, nor have you been ill.
You may be lucky, but, by the sounds of it, you are also heartless and arrogant.
Posted By: gandwmom @ 10/15/2007 12:36:09 PM

Comment: Enter Your Comment
Posted By: afy2528 @ 10/15/2007 11:52:50 AM

Comment: How hard is it to answer chemo is medicine. Quit with the sappy stories.
- Posted By: gandwmom @ 10/15/2007 12:39:32
  
  Comment: You obviously don't have children.
  You are heartless and arrogant.
Posted By: afy2528 @ 10/15/2007 11:51:30 AM

Comment: How hard is it to say chemo is medicine. Quit with the sappy stories.
- Posted By: andrewsla @ 10/15/2007 13:31:29
  
  Comment: Yes, because you want your children to think that all medicine is chemo...and with its side effects. The child or children in question will never want to take medicine again. And about the sappy stories, obviously you have never known anyone close to you with cancer...that's the way the stories go, has nothing to do with trying to gain sympathy or to be sappy.
Posted By: marybeth3 @ 10/15/2007 9:04:16 AM

Comment: Telling our children their father had a brain tumor was one of the worst moments in our life. This article was refreshing because we often wonder if we handled the situation right. We didn't know all of the answers, but we promised our 5 and 2 1/2 year old daughters we would always be honest.

During one of my husbands hospital stays our 5 year old asked me when she was going to get a new dad. I told her Dad was coming home from the hospital, but she wanted me to go out and find another Dad just in case. At the time I was upset, but I realize now that children have a different way of talking about their fears.

I hope that more cancer centers start to focus on the family and everything that is involved in a cancer diagnosis. We often say the initial surgery was the easiest past and the treatments and recovery is the hard part.
Posted By: marybeth3 @ 10/15/2007 8:58:15 AM

Comment: Enter Your Comment
- Posted By: ChrisE @ 10/25/2007 23:45:49
  
  Comment: The hardest thing my husband and I had to do was tell our three girls (ages 7-6-2) that their daddy's cancer came back. It was very hard trying to explain to them 11 months earlier that their dad was going to loose his arm. We told them this was the only way the doctors could help him and get rid of his cancer. So when we first got the report from his doctors at MGH I immediately called the Cancer Center. At such a desparate time in my life Dr. Paula Rauch made things a bit calmer . My husband and I feel so fortunate to be getting not only his complete medical care at MGH but our family got the guidance and support we needed through the PACT Program (Parenting at a Challenging Time). Dr. Rauch was a wonderful resource. She talked about what we should tell our daughters in a way that was developmentally appropriate for them. What I remember most was her telling me that young children need consistency. I truly feel that by having my daughters stay in their daily routine and be with friends and family they were always with kept them from becoming too anxious. Another bit of advice Dr. Rauch gave me was to talk with my daughter's classroom teachers. It was important for them to know what was going on with their dad's treatments so they could watch for any changes in their behaviors at school.
  I also hope that more cancer centers begin to focus on the family and provide the support that they need.
  
  Cancer is a horrific disease that does effects the entire family. In the eyes of a child it is very frightening to know that their parent is sick. At the same time I was frightened not knowing how I was going to care for my husband and also care for my three little girls. The PACT Program at MGH gave me the resources to be able to do both!