A Special Kind of Family Medicine

Our work is varied depending on the situation. I remember a teenage daughter regretting that she upset her ill mother by not keeping her room tidy. This gave the mother the chance to explicitly forgive her daughter, to tell her how deeply loved she was and to share her hopes for her daughter's future. The sense of healing and connection in the room that day was palpable. And then there was the mother of a 2-year-old, who appreciated knowing that her son would likely keep looking for his late father for weeks, or even months after he died. "Thank you for telling me to expect that," she said. "He keeps lifting up the blankets on our bed asking where his daddy is. It isn't easy, but at least I know it's normal. I would have thought it was my fault for not explaining things properly."

Being a good parent is often at the core of a person's identity, and this becomes clear in the face of a life-threatening illness. When so much has been stripped away—physical health, job status, appearance—what's left are the relationships with those we love. For many, no loved one is more important than a child.

Our work at PACT isn't only sad—there is often laughter and heartfelt pride expressed in our meetings. Ask parents about their children and more often than not they will light up, and stories will follow. Children are fun and funny, and if we're doing our collaborative jobs well—the parents and our clinicians—the children continue to be themselves. And that is a wonderful, life-affirming thing.

We all live in the same uncertain world, and the parenting strategies we focus on in PACT turn out to be good advice for any parent, sick or well. Parents benefit from informed guidance, and children benefit from stable, loving homes and parents who talk to them about what matters in life. Being a parent is the most challenging and rewarding job I can imagine, and I feel fortunate for every day I get to be one.

© 2007