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By Jessica Bennett
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It's the oldest trick in the book: threaten the kids with a lump of coal, and they'll behave in the name of Santa Claus. That may have worked years ago, but today's youngsters are smarter, savvier and more high-tech. Threaten them with a charcoal brick, and they'll retort with questions about how it's possible for Santa to get down every chimney in the world in just one night. Today, studies show that only 25 percent of 8-year-olds still believe in Santa Claus, and those who do could easily run a Google search to find the nonbelievers. Robert Butterworth, a Los Angeles-based child psychologist, spoke with NEWSWEEK's Jessica Bennett about the tricky dance that parents do when asked about jolly old St. Nick. Excerpts:
NEWSWEEK: Some people say that parents are purposely deceiving their kids by lying to them about Santa.
Robert Butterworth: Is it purposely deceiving or playing along with the fantasy? There are always those stories in the paper about the kindergarten teacher or parent who would show up and tell the kids there's no Santa Claus, and they'd all start crying because they're disillusioned. But if another teacher goes into a third-grade class and says there is a Santa Claus, they'll all laugh at her. So really, you're not deceiving, you're playing along. What I say is that if they're at the age where they're still believing, why bust their bubble?
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How long should parents pretend?
[Studies indicate that] after 8, 75 percent of kids don't believe. That's the first "S" word that parents have to deal with--it's not sex, it's Santa. So the parent has to sit down and say, "Listen, this is how the Santa thing works. Santa did exist, he was a person who gave to others. And now that you're older, you can give to others and be Santa, too." And you do it in a gentle way. Do you think if a kid who believes in Santa walks into a third- or fourth-grade class his friends are going to tell him in a gentle way? No. They're going to make fun of him, and the kid's going to run home crying, saying you lied to him. We all remember how the news is broken to us, so if we all remember, then there's some significance or we would have forgotten it. And it's better to have a memory of someone doing it nicely than some kids teasing you.
Why does Santa work as a tool for good behavior?
Santa is used as an instrument of guilt. Because Santa knows everything. So even if the kids were sneaky and got away with [doing bad] stuff, Santa knew. Still, Santa alone is not a good behavioral tool. You can't, in, say, January, use Santa as a reinforcer--because [Christmas] is too far away. But around the holidays parents do use Santa, and sometimes will go as far as to postpone Christmas because the kids don't deserve it. But usually [Santa] is used as a way to influence behavior over the last couple of months.
But most kids don't believe in Santa forever. What happens when they no longer believe that Santa knows who's naughty or nice?
The research shows that by around 8 years old, most of the kids don't believe. But that doesn't necessarily matter, because somebody's getting the presents. And kids, whether or not they believe in Santa, believe that somebody's going to the store and getting them presents.
Is there any way to prolong that idea of presents as reinforcement, without having to constantly reward?
One way is to break down a reward for being good into small increments, so Santa's helper comes every month--or every two weeks. Say the average parent spends $200 on a [Christmas] gift, and the kids have been terrible all year. What would work better is that instead of spending this $200 on a gift, I would buy a $25 gift for Christmas and take the rest of the money, divide it by 12, and at the end of every month get them a present if their behavior is good. So if Santa comes every month, it's closer to their memory and it would probably be more effective.
What about seasonal equivalents to Christmas?
There are three fantasy figures for most kids: the Easter bunny, the tooth fairy and Santa. These figures are less used as persuasion tools, but they could be. More commonly, the seasonal equivalents are report-card season, birthdays and allowance.
Courtesy crateandbarrel.com
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