A Long-Delayed Homecoming

Dr. Dennis Orthner, an expert military-family stress at the University of North Carolina School of Social Work, says that for many couples, the real impact of these long-term deployments won’t be felt right away. That may be why Army figures for recent years show only a small spike in divorce rates, no more than 2 to 3 percent. “Divorce is a process, not an event,” he says. “Typically, three years go by between the time a traumatic event occurs, like deployment or the stress of separation, and the actual divorce. Which means many of the divorces will occur after the soldier is discharged.”

For some couples whose marriages have been strained, however, the reunion will be an opportunity to make amends. Jodi and Brad Velotta’s relationship has gotten testier over the phone in recent months, but Jodi says she has been thinking a lot lately about what she has missed in Brad. “I'm so excited to just get in the car and go to dinner and put my arm over his,” she says. “There are all the things I’ve taken for granted like him opening the car door for me and pulling out my chair—all the things he never stopped doing. Now I appreciate it; I think in my mind I had become a meany—at some time I quit saying, ‘Thank you.’ Now I will appreciate it so much.”

For other family members, it will be enough just to have their loved ones back among them. Brad Velotta’s mother, Helen, is looking forward to having all three of her sons back home from Iraq. “I don't look at reports or read the newspaper or listen to the news because if I did, I couldn't function,” she says, her voice quivering. “You just want them.” Her younger sons, Blake and Tim, both did tours with the Louisiana National Guard in Baghdad and have been home long enough to get back into their lives at school and work. Brad will be the last one and each call brings him closer.

Last week Jodi called Helen to say he'd finished his last patrol. Brad did too, but it wasn't much of a call because of static on the line. “There is no way to describe my relief,” Helen says. “I'm very excited but I will more excited when I hear, ‘Mom, I'm in Alaska.’ That is when I can truly breathe a sign of relief.”

This is the latest in NEWSWEEK's series of Web-exclusive reports, "War Stories," about the daily lives of the soldiers and families of the 4-23 infantry battalion of the U.S. Army's 172nd Stryker Brigade. Informed in late July that their yearlong deployment in Iraq would be extended for another four months, the soldiers have been fighting on the front lines of the Battle of Baghdad.

With Dan Ephron

© 2006