“I Can’t Believe I’m a Human Being”

Your dad became a rebel before you. Did he leave home, or was he forced to be a rebel?
There was a lot of insecurity, so a lot of his friends used to get killed at night. Some were tortured. So he managed to escape before [government troops] arrested him. And he joined the Sudan People's Liberation Army.

You were left on your own?
I was left with my mom, and we had to find a way to move south.

And you eventually got sucked into the SPLA.
Yes. When we went into Ethiopia we actually went to school. But most of us had bitterness, wanting revenge, wanting to know who destroyed our villages. That's why we all agreed to be trained as soldiers. Some of the Lost Boys [kids who eventually escaped the war by walking hundreds of miles in large groups to refugee camps across the border] managed to trek to Kenya, but some were left in Sudan to fight, like me.

You witnessed terrible things. You saw some of your friends killed.
That's the worst part. I've lost a lot of friends. Most of the friends I had kept dying, until I was scared to attach myself to a friend emotionally. Because your friend today, tomorrow he is dead. I couldn't carry that.

Can you make friends now?
I make friends now. But I'm really far from my family, and I want to get closer to my family.

Where is your family now?
Sudan, and my brother and sister are in Kenya.