Twenty Years Later

The article when it first came out, aside from the infamous comment, was slightly humorous to me, and not surprising. Although women have made great strides, it is still a man's world. Men still do the chosing. Hence, that is why there are no articles about men who can't find a woman to marry. That being said, I am 51, educated, good head on my shoulders, and still "hot". I would be a "catch" but men are turned off immediately when they realize my age. Now that I am ready for a long-term relationship, the tables have turned, and no man wants me for the long term because of my age...and these are men in my age group! Although it is disheartening, I will continue to have a wonderful life.

I am pleased to read this encouraging update, I too am sorry Newsweek and others chose such a poor analogy. I am a never married male, 51, and am looking forward to an Oct. wedding with my never married fiance, 45. I always wanted to be married but never seemed to find the right person who I could truly relate to mentally, emotionally and spirittually. It is sad that so many young people feel the need to hurry into marriage, I believe there would be fewer divorces if more mature minds would take time to find a partner that has similar interests and goals for the marriage.

Well, theoriginalmissz, I am right there with you. I am 39 years old, soon to be 40. I'm not too hard on the eyes either if I may say so. I am single with no children. For years I haven't been able to figure out what my true feelings are about marriage and all that jazz. I guess I sort of thought I would or should get married, but I just can't see it. I have been living alone for over fifteen years and I must say, I love it. I also like my freedom and can't imagine where a lifetime partner fits. I am usually single and when someone intriguing comes along, we may date for a while. I've never had a relationship longer than a year because I guess I don't ever see forever and don't want to waste someone else's time who is looking for that. I am well-educated and have had many diverse and rich experiences, but I also don't stay at the same job in the same position for very long (2 to 3 years). I'm not sure if this is a bad thing, but I love to experience life and I love to learn new things and it seems that staying in the same place very long becomes routine and wears itself out. I would rather have a relationship (or job, or whatever) that is great and ends when it's run its course than to wait until there are hard feelings and irreparable damage. I has been said that I don't give relationships enough of a chance but I don't see going through lots of hard times with someone I can't see a long future with. Children? I love children and all my work involves them and that feels good enough for me. I definitely would have had some if I had found myself in a relationship that I did see forever in. I have great people in my life, many of whom have been around for 15 or more years. We treat each other well and so have community and family within. I guess what I'm saying is, I can get married I suppose, but think I choose not to. I think getting married over 40 is a fabulous option and an absolute possibility for those who want it (to achieve anything you have to really want it). I'm here to say that we are so pressured to think that it is a status thing but to hell with what people think. You have to do what you think is right for you.

I'm very glad to see this encouraging update, it was a very unfortunate analogy and I'm sorry Newsweek and others focused on this. I'm a never married man, 51, and I am engaged to a never married woman, 45, and we are looking at a wedding date in Oct. We both feel we were unlikely candidates for marriage, though I always wanted to be married. I'm convinced there would be far fewer divorces if people would not get in such a hurry to wed and seek a partner who you can best relate to and have similar golas.

I am a very attractive 46yr old woman with a Masters, an estate management job that allows me to travel worldwide for my employer and affords a fabulous lifestyle. I constantly date wealthy men that are 10 - 20 years younger than me. When I was very young (19) I decided that I did not want to have children, so if a relationship was serious, we had the talk about not having kids and that usually caused the end of it. If I leave this position, I know my chances of meeting an upscale man who would feel my equal will diminish greatly. I am very happy with my life, have a lot of good friends and family, and think what would I do with a husband? I would have to share my decision making with him, I would have to give up a very satisfying life, and I am not sure that I could do that. Mr Right Now works well for me for a few months or a few years. But with my traveling all the time most men get jealous that there are "Others" in different cities, so I cherish the time I spend with each and know that it will end. But not in divorce, I think that many women have to prove they are superwoman, get married before 30, have the good marriage, the kids, the good job, until the man goes through midlife crisis and creates another life for himself, with someone more "exciting". If a man has been divorced more than twice or three times, I flirt but never consider a dating him because he needs the security of a wife, but wants the excitement of the other woman. Smart woman avoid relationships which need fixing --- he is who he is and he will never change, so accept him for that or move on. Keep your attitude friendly and mysterious when you meet a new man and he will be more inclined to pursue you. My five brothers educated me in the ways of men when I was a school girl, all guys are just "gross" like them and it has turned out to be true, and I have made a great life for myself despite being a spinster. My older sister (49) is unmarried without kids and the captain of a commercial ship. Perhaps it was the way we were raised, by the way we are all trom the same mother and father and they were married "Until Death Do You Part" over 50 yrs. My Father always quoted Shakespear, "TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE".

Speaking of getting married at an older age, don't forget the ones that are always being pushed away for being "imperfect" or handicapped. Yes, there is so much discrimination in USA and other countries where most people just feel perhaps ashamed to even bother marrying a handicapped person. I have been trying to find a wife in USA since I have been in my twenties, only to be ignored by most of the girls for having a mild case of Cerebral Palsy. I did not give up! I figured, well, if I can't find a "domestic wife" then let me "import" an foreign one. So as time went by, studied which coutries the girls are more flexible and do not look down at people who have some kind of physical imperfection. I found some pen-pal firms that sell names and addresses, so I read their catalogs and the girl descriptions, then purchased just a few addresses of the girls that interested me in writing to. All of the girls I wrote to responded to me right away. They were in the Philippines. One of the things that I wanted to be is that she had to be in my faith as well, that way there would be no conflict should we have later children, and then the religion comes up to which religion will the children be influenced to which partner. As the time went by, I wrote to a total of four Philippine girls, and then went down to three, and then to two, and then only one. That one, had the most interest in me, and she begged me to come and see her in person because she could not wait any longer. She is sixteen years younger than me. Philippinas really like marrying an older guy. Almost four years went by with us in writing long letters to each other, about 15 pages each letter. I finally went to the Philippines and we were engaged within just a few weeks. We were married on June 3rd, 1995 in Butuan, Philippines. We had our honeymoon later on in Baguio, Luzon island of Philippines. As I was departing Philippines, we both knew we will be seperated for a long time because I was then an US immigrant, and thanks to the laws, we had to wait for the immigrant visa for her for a period of 5 1/2 years. She finally arrived in November 2000 to USA and now we will have our 12th wedding anniversary on June 3, 2008. We have a beautiful 5 year old daugter without any handicap at all. We are now looking forward in having a second child, even that my wife is in her late 30's. We are happy, and since we have not rushed into any quick marriage, we built our relationship thru writing letters and really understanding each other as time flew. Consider other options when looking for a mate to marry, and don't discriminate just because the person has some kind of physical imperfection. Our relationship is getting stronger by the days and years that fly.

of course people over 40 marry. i am a 48 year old male and plan on marring real soon. it's never to late to try and you should never give up if thats what you want. by the way, so the terrorist comparison was wrong and a few months later a different set of statistics put a woman's odds at 23% vs. 2.6%. why did you do that newsweek? that kinda talk may get buzz but it can cause a lot of anxiety and panic for no reason.

I'm going to be 50 in the fall. I've been on my own since I was 34 when my marriage ended. I'm pretty, look at least 5 - 10 years younger than my choronological age, well-educated and, I'm told a lot of fun (and nice, etc). The problem is finding the men. I've only been asked out on 3 or 4 dates in the 16 years - and am still o nmy own. For a long time I was okay with that (running a busienss, raising my kids, etc.) But now I'd like to date and meet someone - but where do you meet men? Once you hit that mid-life point, the pool seems to have dried up. From my POV, the terrorist stats sounds about right!

My husband and I married in our early 50's. When we met, I was divorced with 3 grown daughters and grandchildren, and he had never been married. We have been married 3 blissful years and are still on our honeymoon. All I can say is that there IS something positive about later-life marriages, being more mature, more financially secure, and finding your true soul mate at 50+

Fact remains that there are far fewere men than women who want to committ and prefer much younger women.

Breakoutofthebox - yes, men are part of the pregnancy process but they are NOT the ones who get pregnant so ultimately the onus falls on the person who will be most impacted by unintended and/or unwanted consequences of an indiscreet one night stand or a failed longer relationship.

We live in a fear-based culture. Most (not all) information is designed to instill fear. For some great relationship truths grab a cup of coffee and google the following names: Amy Waterman, Christian Carter, Miralbelle Summers, and Paige Parker. They'll give you the correct statistics and information.

I too finally got married at age 40. Prior to that I had been engaged 3 times & turned down a 4th marriage proposal prior to dating & marrying my husband. We will be celebrating our 2nd anniversary this July. I used to work for a newspaper and I knew quite a few women who were over the age of 40 and they were on their first marriages. All but one of my friends who got married after age for are still married. What I have found as I've gotten older is that men are starting to appreciate older women, we don't play head games (most of us are), we are more stable (again, most of us are), and we know what we want out of life (or at least like to hope we do!).

Here is another good example of why readers must always be critical thinkers. Question everything. Who is behind the article and who paid for it? Why should I automatically believe it? If the article was meant to sell magazines, the scientific method for determining mathematical probabilities probably was not seen as important. Was the article written by some loser guy that was incapable of sustaining a relationship? I would bet yes. All that I can say is thank God that He hooked me up with a woman over 40 with her great kids and we were married. It is the best thing that has ever happened to me. And He also gave me the ability to discern and pick apart illogical bias in rubbish put forward by "journalists" and others. Who was it that said only believe half of what you read? That would be the truth.

I must have broken every norm. Overweight, past 50, female and yet I still married last year.
Does it count as anything positive that we are still happy and our children of various ages have adjusted well to our union?

I have to say, an artlicle which pushes women over the cliff in its admonition to get married now and get married to whomever is at your side really is so incredibly unthought out and downright idiotic. Why, imagine, I was just reading another article about how WOMEN are getting pregnatnt by not choosing to regularly use contraceptives. It was incredible that the article NOWHERE admitted that maybe, just possibly MEN could have used contraceptives? Or even that men were involved in the pregnancy process. The way the article was carefully crafted blamed women fully for all pregnancies. Because we're ALL the virgin Mary and it was ALL immaculate conception. Those darned angels are screwing up the contraceptive process! Again, does anyone, when adressing a women specific "problem" actually think through what they are encouraging/saying/blaming things on? Are there any studies on the incredible sexual biases that still exist when treating a subject that has to do wtih women? The incredible idiocy of so-called scientists who contribute to studies like how marriege prospect are dismal for an "old" woman? And the more recent article about it all being women's fault that they get pregnant? (It was on MSNBC's internet news. Gee, and that doesn't influence those poor young girls trying to figure out their lives in a hurry because news says NOW ladies NOW. Marry the first jerk you can, but if you get pregnant, well that's just all your fault. Hats off to science. Nah, there's no bias in science. It's all based on pure putre"fact"ion.

So in the 20 years since, what has changed in Newsweek's fact-checking? Kudos for "admitting" the error, but how about telling us how you prevent such egregious errors from happening now? Lest we think you're still up to your old tricks ...