In an effort to "level the academic playing field," Harvard University President Lawrence Summers announced today that the university would introduce a home economics major designed specifically for its female students.
"Starting in the fall, Harvard will offer home economics for women who find economics too tricky," said Summers, who called the move "long overdue."
Summers said that the new courses would help women at Harvard improve their grade point averages, adding, "When it comes to getting busy in the kitchen, women are second to none."
The home ec major, which will consist of courses in cooking, sewing and what Summers called "the allied domestic arts and sciences," is believed to be the first of its kind ever to be offered by an Ivy League university.
Coming in the wake of Summers' recent controversial remarks about purported intellectual differences between the sexes, the Harvard president's decision to introduce a home economics major for women was widely seen as an olive branch of sorts.
But the move may have backfired, as an angry mob of female faculty members protested outside his office today, demanding his immediate ouster and burning Summers in effigy.
In a meeting with the protesters, Summers promised that he would recruit additional women to the Harvard faculty but refused to tell the protesters how many. "I don't want to fill your heads with a lot of big numbers you won't understand," he said.
Elsewhere, Attorney General nominee Alberto Gonzales continued to disavow torture today, but told reporters, "This is harder than quitting smoking."
Andy Borowitz is the author of The Borowitz Report, and the winner of the National Press Club's humor award. For more, go to borowitzreport.com