The Borowitz Report: Summers' Olive Branch

In a meeting with the protesters, Summers promised that he would recruit additional women to the Harvard faculty but refused to tell the protesters how many. "I don't want to fill your heads with a lot of big numbers you won't understand," he said.

Elsewhere, Attorney General nominee Alberto Gonzales continued to disavow torture today, but told reporters, "This is harder than quitting smoking."

Andy Borowitz is the author of The Borowitz Report, and the winner of the National Press Club's humor award. For more, go to borowitzreport.com

© 2005