Starr Gazing: Chicago's Legacy of Baseball Misery

Locker-Room Alliteration

Last week's search for a football equivalent of "cancer in the clubhouse" to describe Philadelphia Eagles malcontent Terrell Owens was not posited as a contest. Nevertheless, my mail offered up a lot of diseases that would pair in perfect alliteration with "locker room." The most popular suggestion was "leper in the locker room," but that struck me an insult to lepers everywhere.

The "winner" came from Laura Ritchie in Tallahassee, Fla. Ms. Ritchie agreed to let me use her name only if I noted that, despite working for the University of Florida, she still bleeds Florida State "garnet and gold." Her suggestion was "leech," which is perfect, particularly in one definition: "to drain the essence or exhaust the resources of." Doesn't "leech in the locker room" conjure up Owens' self-congratulatory mug just perfectly?

© 2005