Ms. Law used much more restraint than I would. I too have tried all the gimmicks to quit smoking and I've quit dozens of times. I just can't seem to stay quit. Like Ms. Law I work very hard at not imposing my smoke on others. I have stood in a lot of rain and snow to smoke. The incident she describes is truly indicative of the absurd license that the self-righteous afford themselves. Makes me wonder what the wimpy dude does behind closed doors - drink to excess, harbor bigoted thoughts, beat his partner or children. His reaction to Ms. Law's smoking was more about his own sense of entitlement and power than it was about her smoking, which couldn't reach him through a sealed window.
I had a similar experience a few years back. I was smoking outside - not in anyone's path and near no children. A woman walked off the sidewalk, across the lawn to where I was perched and began to dress me down quite rudely. I quickly decided hers was a power trip, not a health campaign. You see, she was about the size of a small SUV. Watching her move toward me in layers to upbraid me about my unhealthy habit would have been comical except for her total sense of righteous indignation.
I wasn't nice. I pointed out to her that she would likely die of the extra 200 pounds she was toting around long before my secondhand smoke had any impact on her health. The silly woman sought my smoke by waddling over to me to give me her scolding.
ONE POLITE SMOKER TAKES ON THE ZEALOTS
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He'd sucked up some saliva, his lips tightly puckered. Had he been formidable, I might have followed his order. But he was small and slope-shouldered, so I stood and looked down at him. With 20 minutes' lead time, I could have come up with a brilliant retort. The best I could do under immediate pressure was to ready my latte cup for a counterattack and say, "Don't you dare."
The standoff lasted a few tense seconds before he muttered "B----," and walked away.
Although this was an extreme incident, smokers are considered legitimate targets for crusading health goons. Some of them simply stare with contempt. Some walk past in wide, fearful swoops as if to avoid instant emphysema. I'm a rule-abiding smoker. In my experience, most of us are, and most nonsmokers are able to comfortably occupy the planet with us. Perhaps anti-smoking zealots--and, I suspect, zealots of any type--were bullied as children or lead boring lives or just have a mean streak. Whatever their reasons, I'd like for them to listen up because I intend to set their minds at ease. I promise I will never use smoke as a weapon to cut their lives short if they, in turn, swear to put their excess energy somewhere else. I respectfully suggest they collect discarded beer cans from the beach or rescue stray animals or gather blankets for the homeless or teach kids to read. Deal?
LAW LIVES ON VASHON ISLAND, WASH.
© 2005
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