Narcissists in Neverland

Gen-Yers say they are willing to make financial sacrifices to make the world a better place. But how long can they really expect to work less, volunteer more--and count on their aging parents to push back retirement?

By Emily Flynn Vencat | Newsweek Web Exclusive
Oct 16, 2007 | Updated: 5:01  p.m. ET Oct 16, 2007

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  • Posted By: SophiasMercy @ 05/03/2009 10:24:24 PM

    Is this a joke? Generations can be cyclical. Our parents wanted to pursue their dreams, to volunteer, to help the world, to take the time to live the life they wanted before having to join the work force. They raised us to live THEIR dreams (as most parents do) and they worked hard to provide money for us to accomplish those dreams they were never capable of doing. Now they are mad at us? Well, we have a whole lot of mess on our plate from a generation that was only interested in making money and material things... we have a lot that we have to change and from an ealry age our teachers were letting us know that it was going to be nearly impossible, and no matter how much we worked... we were never going to retire in the cushy environments that our parents would like in their futures. We will be sacrificing my childrens lives and our own retirement so I can take care of our folks who's retirement incomes are gone and can no longer live within their means. So their taking care of us now... I think that fair since we are living their dreams.... :)

  • Posted By: MSIMagus25 @ 10/24/2007 9:18:58 AM

    Rather one sided and unfair article. Yes our generation has been told you can do anything and essentially babied but who did that to us? Thats right your generation. Putting that obvious problem aside though lets look at the fact that the baby boom generation made their money on the back of the enviorment the undeveloped world and even off of our own poor. Its easy to sit and call our generation lazy, but your generation was coddled just in a different way. Nowe we face having to buckle down and not just work, but sacrafice like people havnt in years because your generation dropped the ball. Now our generation must face the fact that in a time when accourding to your own magazine people are making less then they did since anytime till the 1920s. Our generation will be the one to pay the taxes on your generationsSSI retriment. And our generation will be the one that has to pay the taxes for your global warming. So before you sit and point fingers and say its sad that we take jobs for fun in our early 20s why dont you think about the legacy your generation is leaving us and jst how much work we have to do in the coming years. And why dont you think about how many people from your generation were hippies, people that didnt work and enjoyed their 20s ALOT more then we did.

    • Posted By: Luvseaturtles @ 10/25/2007 10:08:54 AM

      As a baby boomer who took my education, career and a lifetime of environmental activism very seriously, I do look very closely at who will continue the legacy I leave behind. While I have seen some impressively thoughtful and insightful letters from young folks in these comments, your letter frightens me. You seem very angry, and you don't even possess basic grammer and spelling skills that should have been mastered in Middle School. These are the skills that will enable you to survive and compete in today's world. I know you don't serve as a perfect example of others your age, but yes, it does frighten me to leave the legacy of everything I have accomplished in my life to the likes of you.

      • Posted By: SophiasMercy @ 05/03/2009 10:06:51 PM

        So what exactly, sir are you leaving behind for us? You're an environmental activist... well, I'd like to introduce you to the generation that will actually get it done, and actually cares about the environment on a global level... WE are the ones that are pushing for green cars, renewable energy, and so much more... where was your generation when there was the discovery of a hole in the O-zone??? Making excuses and theories. We have lived our 30 years with it, and I certainly think we are pushing for more than just excuses... thank you. Our generation was the key to electing this president, the first black president, breaking racial boundaries, supporting gay marriage, pushing for renewable energy, pushing for organic foods, begging for a solution to social security... and if you're concerned about how literate we are... maybe you should have been an activist for better education, because if we had proper education... most of us wouldn't have been taken by this ARM thing 5 years ago when we were too naive and uneducated to know what that meant for our futures... foreclosures, bankruptcy, and moving back in with our parents... who were too busy working to make money then teaching us the way of the world. Yes, we are learning the long and hard way, but who's fault is that? A generation that was too concerned about making money than teaching their own children. That's who.

      • Posted By: SophiasMercy @ 05/03/2009 10:05:32 PM

        Have you really CONSIDERED the legacy that your generation is leaving behind for us? Take a good hard look at what is really resting on our shoulders as we are working into adulthood. Why shouldn't we take a little more time to be happy and really find out what we love? Volunteer so we can feel like we are contributing to the good of our country instead of just buckling down behind a desk and ignoring the world's problems. We are part of a global generation unlike any you've ever seen or heard of before. We are VERY AWARE of what our responsibilities are and what the media and corporations have done to Xers and ourselves to exploit us. We are VERY aware of what the values of these corporations are and what we are looking for in a company that changes the face of business in this country. We KNOW and were taught in HIGH SCHOOL that we would be footing the SSI bill for far more people than we'd ever be able to handle and get nothing in return... that we'd have to take care of our parents beyond what they had saved in their retirement because they want to keep their cushy lifestyles (even now when their retirement is gone they still expect this)... that we'd have to be flexible enough to work at least 10 different CAREERS in our lifetime... and that sooner or later this money bubble would burst... we have known from an early age that we have quite a bit to undertake. We aren't afraid to take on these responsibilities... my friends and I talk about them everyday even if our parents are still trying to protect us from it... we are wanting to do it OUR way, not the way that has gotten us into this horrible mess in the first place.

  • Posted By: gggp @ 04/17/2008 4:15:26 PM

    I don't think I've ever read an article that I disagreed with so much. It even seems to suggest that trying to find a career that you love is somehow "childish". On the contrary, it is the ONLY way to go, the way to leave your competition in the dust. If you "settle in", "make sacrifices" and worry about your job every waking day, you're making yourself a more stressed and less productive. I just can't believe the cluelessness of quotes like: "They've been raised on bad advice, like "believe in yourself and you can do anything," leaving many with deeply unrealistic expectations about their lives". The people who actually acomplish things in life were not only raised on this "bad advice", they also live by it. This faith is every bit as necessary as hard work.

  • Posted By: gggp @ 04/17/2008 4:15:18 PM

    I don't think I've ever read an article that I disagreed with so much. It even seems to suggest that trying to find a career that you love is somehow "childish". On the contrary, it is the ONLY way to go, the way to leave your competition in the dust. If you "settle in", "make sacrifices" and worry about your job every waking day, you're making yourself a more stressed and less productive. I just can't believe the cluelessness of quotes like: "They've been raised on bad advice, like "believe in yourself and you can do anything," leaving many with deeply unrealistic expectations about their lives". The people who actually acomplish things in life were not only raised on this "bad advice", they also live by it. This faith is every bit as necessary as hard work.

  • Posted By: gggp @ 04/17/2008 4:15:02 PM

    I don't think I've ever read an article that I disagreed with so much. It even seems to suggest that trying to find a career that you love is somehow "childish". On the contrary, it is the ONLY way to go, the way to leave your competition in the dust. If you "settle in", "make sacrifices" and worry about your job every waking day, you're making yourself a more stressed and less productive. I just can't believe the cluelessness of quotes like: "They've been raised on bad advice, like "believe in yourself and you can do anything," leaving many with deeply unrealistic expectations about their lives". The people who actually acomplish things in life were not only raised on this "bad advice", they also live by it. This faith is every bit as necessary as hard work.

  • Posted By: Karina Ioffee @ 11/30/2007 3:39:15 PM

    This article completely ignores all of the positive and innovative things Gen Xers are doing in their communities and the world. My friends and I regularly volunteer in our community--whether it's with seniors or in the soup kitchen-- and it does not stand in the way of us working hard to pursue our career goals. So what if we won't settle for a job just to pay the bills, that we aspire to accomplish great things and do jobs that have meaning? It's not necessarily unrealistic and selfish, but admirable and should be celebrated as a new awareness that happiness does not necessarily mean making a lot of money, buying a house and retiring comfortably, but rather working on improving the state of our towns, cities, countries and the world.

  • Posted By: seker2k @ 11/11/2007 2:26:12 PM

    Of course this article does not mention how corporations and politicians have destroyed America's jobs and economy. The day of reckoning is at hand as more Americans learn the truth that neoliberalism is destroying their lives.

  • Posted By: BabyBoomer @ 10/24/2007 12:54:17 PM

    One problem with this article is that it is such a tiny slice of the population. Twenge discusses Americans as well as those from other countries but there is a great spectrum of individuals across the developed world and within America ??? and now there is a widening disparity between the rich and the poor.

    Since I was born in 1939 and have seen a lot of change, what I think is missing is an analysis of what a Twentysomething faced in the 1940's, 50's, 60's, 70's, 80's vs what they are facing now and in the 90's. It is a different world. In the 40's, 50's, and even the 60's, Middle-Americans could enter the American workforce and with hard work, keep the same job just about for life, earn a salary that would enable you to buy a home, support a family of four, get health insurance as part of your job, send your kids to college without taking a huge loan, and still manage to save for your retirement. Everything changed in the 70's and beyond and those who started working in the 70's at age 25 or so, have been finding themselves in their mid to late 50's and losing all the job-related benefits as they lose their jobs and also becoming too old to be attractive to any employer. The same future faces their counterparts who are now in their 30's and 40's as the world changes even faster. The boomers and pre-boomers are the ones who lived through the age of opportunity and they will probably have the last good years of retirement of any generation to come. Each of the succeeding generations will be finding it more and more difficult to enjoy what we had access to and I would not want to be an 18 year old today, facing the world as it evolves, without having had the good fortune of being raised by parents who understood that a good education and a work ethic would be the two most valuable tools with which to navigate successfully through this coming maze of life with its only consistent pattern being "change" - coming at you at warp speed.

    One can find fault with all past generations but that solves nothing. Until Americans decide that they want more from their government and decide to vote into office those who believe that both education and health care should be our highest priorities, nothing will change. You cannot successfully fight any challenge, whether it is terrorism or illness or environmental change unless you have an educated and healthy population. The true terrorism comes from our ignorance, our egocentric belief of American superiority and narrow view of the world, our unhealthy lifestyle, our damaging acts to the environment with wasteful practices of energy use and pollution of our water supply, our dismissal of climate change, and most of all, our belief that we should tell any other country how they should run their government or which is the one true religion. When you spend $700+ billion on defense and less than a 10th of that on education, energy, science/technology, and the environment, something is wrong.

  • Posted By: rphilbin @ 10/23/2007 3:48:29 PM

    The REAL solution this article calls for is generational warfare. I'm all for it. As a GenXer I know damn well my generation will get trounced by the sheer numbers. I welcome this and consider it the greatest sacrifice we could make. So who's with me? Let's gather up arms and let the killing begin! The earth's human population needs a good pruning anyways.

  • Posted By: rphilbin @ 10/23/2007 3:48:17 PM

    The REAL solution this article calls for is generational warfare. I'm all for it. As a GenXer I know damn well my generation will get trounced by the sheer numbers. I welcome this and consider it the greatest sacrifice we could make. So who's with me? Let's gather up arms and let the killing begin! The earth's human population needs a good pruning anyways.

  • Posted By: Tammy Erickson @ 10/23/2007 9:46:38 AM

    I am toubled by the tone of this article and others that reflect the conclusions of Dr. Twenge's book. Empathy for generational diversity is a great challenge for corporate leaders today -- and is not helped by work that is critical of one generation based, I'd suggest, on the standards and expectations of another -- with little attempt to understand the logic behind this new generation's actions. Based on our research, I am confident that Gen Y will make a tremendous contribution to business. They grew up in a very different world than did the Boomers or Gen X 'ers-- it would be unrealistic to expect them to behave in similar ways as a result. Let's see what we can learn from them.
    Tammy Erickson (blog: "Acoss the Ages" http://discussionleader.hbsp.com/erickson/)

  • Posted By: diezel0880 @ 10/17/2007 12:56:32 PM

    Good lord...whats wrong with pursuing your dreams and HELPING PEOPLE in the world ?? The last I checked this kind of stuff is what kept people genuinely happy and karma steadily moving. And if the parents are willing to put up their children for a bit longer as long as they are pursuing SOMETHING, isnt that their own business? I'm tired of listening to you money grubbing older folk who forgot what it was like to be satisfied regardless of your paychecks. You have no sense of community or selflessness which is what the world (particularly the US) needs more so now than ever. I'm sure most of these kids are not intentionally sponging or taking their parents for what their worth, they're absolutely entitled to pursuing dreams no matter how fruitless the pay is! Thats what being young is all about isnt it? Unrealistic dreams and exploring new paths no matter how low the pay. What better time to try and do some humanitarian poor paying work when you dont have a family to support?!? Would you rather see them bouncing from low paying job to low paying job while trying to support children? I highly doubt it since that would mean money out of your own pockets for welfare. Sounds like this author needs a trip to Never Never Land since she's obviously lost touch with her own inner passions and forgot what it was like to be young and full of dreams. If she had it her way we'd all be carrying briefcases and paying morgages at the age of 23...UNREALISTIC. What were YOU doing at that age??

    • Posted By: rdaffron @ 10/18/2007 11:36:51 PM

      And btwa, at 23, I had graduated from college, left home and got a job, low paying, but a JOB and started to support myself, without my parents' help, thank you very much. I got laid off from my first job, was 300+ miles away from home, but found temp jobs until I got a full time one. My parents said to come home. I said NO, because to go home was to admit defeat and I was NOT raised that way. And I only went home to visit. At 23, you're an adult....maybe you should try acting like one.

    • Posted By: rdaffron @ 10/18/2007 11:31:50 PM

      "Good lord...whats wrong with pursuing your dreams and HELPING PEOPLE in the world ?? The last I checked this kind of stuff is what kept people genuinely happy and karma steadily moving. "

      Nothing's wrong with it as long as you don't expect for somebody else to foot the bill because you're not paying yours. Nothing is wrong with it as long as YOU and others like you don't become a parasite to your parents and to society. If you want to help people, fine...but on YOUR TIME AND YOUR DIME, not mine, and not your parents. You do NOT have that right - not now, not ever. Plenty of hard working people volunteer every day and every weekend after having put in their time at work. Do NOT expect others to pay your bills while you're out "finding yourself."

  • Posted By: Just watching @ 10/18/2007 5:59:32 PM

    Same issue of the magazine:

  • Posted By: Just watching @ 10/18/2007 5:58:21 PM

    Two articles in the same issue:
    "Dream House or Nightmare?" and "Narcissists in Neverland"
    Neither have a grip on reality.

  • Posted By: bpphil @ 10/18/2007 9:08:07 AM

    landgraf1021, do you say the same thing about all black people contribute substandard work, you would be shunned. It is nice for you that it is still acceptable to discriminate based on age. ***.

    • Posted By: rdaffron @ 10/18/2007 5:49:41 PM

      Unfortunately, his statements are somewhat valid, particularly if they've NEVER been taught the right attitude in the first place. You reap what you sow, the old saying goes. And those who think a job is owed or they're going to waltz in and get $$$$$$$$$$ for little or no work have a very rude awaking coming. Yes, a lot of parents are partly to blame for their attitude and it most definitely shows in the Gen Y work ethic (or lack thereof). As I told my then 14 year old (who obvously knew everything in the world and parents were stupid), you will fall very far and very fast with the attitude displayed. At 17, working 20+ hr/week and school on top of it, she's finding that just maybe her parents weren't as stupid as she thought. When she graduates college (no "if", only "when"), it is expected and understood that she will move out to be on her own. If her career decision leads her to have to change cities, then so be it. That's the way it is and it HAS to be for you to stand on your own 2 feet and learn to be a responsible, productive ADULT.

  • Posted By: Debiw @ 10/18/2007 1:28:35 PM

    My husband and I are boomers. We have a 28 year old daughter, a GEN ME. She is again, living at home. Has a law degree, worked for a major hotel in the legal department. Decided that was not what she wanted to do with her life. Law was too stressful. She choose that, not us. She is now back in school to be a physician's assistant. She has a part time job , which does not begin to cover her life style. All the
    education and expenses in the past have been covered by us. We are so disappointed with her attitude.
    We want a life after her. We beleive we have created this monster adult. Everything has to be fun. Life is not always fun. We have worked very hard to be were we are. Why do these kids not see that.? When will the wake up call come?

    • Posted By: rdaffron @ 10/18/2007 3:25:20 PM

      Excuse me, but if SHE decided that her chosen career wasn't to her liking, then it is HER responsiblity to find something that she wants and NOT yours. It is HER responsibility to figure out how to do this and NOT yours, nor is it yours to enable her. You ask when will the wake up call come? It comes when you kick her behind out and tell her to figure things out on her own. For God's sake, SHE'S 28!!!! , not 18. You have created yoiur own problem by allowing her to take advantage of you and use YOU as a DOORMAT.

    • Posted By: mallieo @ 10/18/2007 3:17:56 PM

      Maybe you DID create this "monster adult" but you put a stop to the entitlement now. I'm a 23 year old college graduate who discovered that I didn't like my career choice, either. When I asked my parents if I could have the option of moving back in with them while I worked and figured out what I wanted to do with my life, their answer was quite simply, "No." It's not that they don't love me--they live in a small town with few opportunities and felt that moving back was not in my best interests. They also believed that I should support myself. Was I mad? No. I happen to think they were right. It forced me to get in gear and take a job in the city, get an apartment away from campus and live in the real world. I pay all my own bills, and yes, it's hard. In fact, it sucks. Entry-level jobs pay next to nothing and it's all I can do to make rent/gas/groceries/insurance every month.

      The point is--if your kid has a job "that does not begin to cover her lifestyle" maybe she should scale it back. It's called a cheap apartment, a roommate, ramen noodles and used cars. I'm doing it, my friends are doing it--sometimes you don't have a choice. If you want "the wake up call" to come then YOU need to make it. Give your daughter 30 days to get a place. If she's got a law degree and is in school to be a physicians assistant then she's got a big jump on the rest of us. The medical field is one of the easiest industries to work in these days. This article is ridiculous but it describes your daughter to a "t". I wonder how she got that way--and why you're allowing her to mooch off you--and then why you're blaming this generation??? Maybe YOU need the wake up call--it's your kid that makes the rest of us look bad.

  • Posted By: Eric.Murray @ 10/18/2007 2:27:52 PM

    I have read the comments below and can understand that as an individual it is hard to be luimped into a group like Gen Y or Gen X, etc. However, the sad thing is I know half a dozen Gen Y'ers and they all fall into this category. Once, a few years ago, during a conversation with some of my friends, I asked them what their 10 year goals were. None responded with any words but rather blank stares met my question. Then, one of my friends piped up and said," Well, you are 30, when I am 30 I will have a good job, savings, a house and all that you have also." I tried to explain that I have worked since I was 12 years old as a paperboy first, then fast food, and finally now have a good career making decent money. I put myself through college; it took 10 years to complete my Bachelors degree. It was my hard work when I was younger that allowed me to work my way up.....yes kids...work your way up. No one, unless you own the company, gets to start with a glamorous, high-paying job. Heck, even movie stars, sports heroes, etc have put in a lifetime of work to achieve their accomplishments. I am getting into my upper 30's now and my friends are all fast approaching their 30th birthday. I wonder what great career they will get handed when the time comes? I will just have to wait and see. LOL!

  • Posted By: Eric.Murray @ 10/18/2007 2:13:38 PM

    I am a 36 year old male living in California with many younger friends that fit this category to a "T." I find it humiliating for them to still live at home when they are in their mid to late 20's. I moved out of my parents home at 19 and have held a full-time job while completing my Bachelor degree. It took me 10 years to finish school, but the work and life experience I garnered during this time was invaluable. My friends, just a few years ago, used to tell me that when they were 30 or over their lives would be like mine, i.e. careers with decent pay, living on their own, and stable. I tried to explain that it was my hard work in my 20's that have allowed me the opportunity to hold my current job and home. It is funny....almost like they expect upon their 30th birthday that someone will tell them, "Oh the line for good jobs starts here." A frriend recently turning 30 has finally admitted he knows he is going nowhere and has begun to listen to my diatribes about education and self-accountability. If it is not obvious, I am conservative fiscally and do not believe in hand-outs for anyone...not even from your parents. I have a good start on my retirement and plan on retiring young and travelling with my parents. We are friends now. Friends that can only be due to our mutual respect for each other. Kick 'em out! The real world is so much more challenging and interesting.

  • Posted By: rdaffron @ 10/18/2007 2:12:02 PM

    Your mistake was letting her move back in. It is time she grew up and you put her out. Period.

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