Narcissists in Neverland

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  • Posted By: StephS @ 10/18/2007 2:00:33 PM

    I am a Gen Y, as is my husband (both of us in our mid-twenties). I see articles like this one, and cannot relate, and nor can my husband. I really think the reason why is our upbringings and the "stuff" that our parents did not allow us to take for granted. My parents expected me and my siblings to work on our family farm each summer growing up, and sometimes on the weekends during school. It wasn't a choice. We knew what was expected of us and didn't question it. We did receive pay for our work, and our parents allowed us to manage our own money. We were expected to pay for our own college educations, and they made us firm believers at a young age that college would be a given. Because of that, my siblings and I all learned how to manage our lives before we moved off to college at 18. Our parents had very high expectations of us, and raised us to be very independent, which is contrary to the way most in my generation were raised. In a way, I think some parents aren't quite ready for their children to grow up, so they don't teach their children how to be an adult when it is imperative (while they're teens). Also, parents tend to pay for everything -- clothes, cars, phones, etc. -- and kids, in turn, do not learn the importance of a dollar, and how hard it is to earn that dollar. So I hate to say it, parents Gen Yers, but I think a lot of the blame falls back on you.

  • Posted By: rdaffron @ 10/18/2007 1:09:53 PM

    My husband and I are Boomers. We have a 17 year old daughter, who qualifies as a Gen ME. My hubby is a retail manager at a national electronics retailer and has several Gen Y people who work for him, as well as a couple of Gen X and a couple of Boomers. That said, the problems he has, as have other managers, is with the younger crowd thinking that they can show up whenever they please, take off whenver they please and not do the work they're assigned to do. He had one gal who put in a letter (mailed it) that gave her 3-week notice, then never showed up again for work. He tried to call her on her cell and home #s and she would NEVER return the call. I guess she figured that giving notice meant never having to come back to work. WRONG!!! What she did in not answering sat herself up to be FIRED. Manager after manager has had experiences with younger workers doing shoddy work and not caring. Now, granted, it's retail and the hours are lousy BUT it's a very bad reflection on you as a person if you act this way. Yes, there's been older workers whom show characteristics of not caring, but they, by and large, are few and far between. And what is even worse, is the attitude of "I don't care."

    Every generation has its problems - mine grew up with hippies, free love, communes, etc. But we had to grow up and realize that the real world isn't the ideal place we wanted it to be, just as Gen Y will have to do. There's no doubt that a lot of things will HAVE to change because of the way the world has become. Undoubtabley some boomer parents, as well as Gen X parents have allowed their offspring to become lazy and privelaged, that the world OWES them. They themselves have created the monsters of Gen Y and ME. So, in that respect, they have no one else to blame but themselves. However, Gen Y and ME will HAVE to grow up and realize that this world does NOT owe them a job or anything else. They will have to WORK for what they get and stop whinning about it. Best advice - get off your butts, out of your parents house, and start supporting yourself and stop whining as who is to blame. Words won't fix the problems, actions do.

  • Posted By: StepMo @ 10/18/2007 10:06:12 AM

    I am not a member of gen Y. The largerst obsticle to indepentant living is the cost of living. I live in denver where the cost of living is high. It is difficult for a person to be able to afford to live alone in a nice part of town and a pay all the bills and still have money to enjoy being single. People have decided to live with family to have the opertunity to enjoy life in america instead of being burdened with the difficulties of living in a society that is increasinly more hostile to workers that are not in the upper management. The gen Y problem is bigger than young people with a lack of ambition. The problem is america is greedy. The everyone wants more and everyone wants to do less. We want companies with high profits so your 401k will grow. So companies minimize saliries (non top management) , cut and outsource jobs to increase profites. While retailers, houseing industry, and oil companies maximize the prices of there goods. The result is America is cuting it's own throat and killing the middle class. Members of generation Y do not want to be the first generation that will live a lower lifestyle that there parents but that is exactly what is going to happen unless there is major change is how american corporation view the american people and how american poeple view there jobs.

  • Posted By: epim @ 10/17/2007 11:30:44 PM

    I think the "narcissism" of Gen-Y, of which I am a part of, is just a response to having watched our parents live unhappy and unfulfilled lives doing it their way. So now we're trying to do it differently and see if it turns out better for us in the end. Parents always hope you do it better than they did, and this generation of parents is no different. That's why they let us hang around for so long, they want to see us do better, too.

  • Posted By: epim @ 10/17/2007 11:05:38 PM

    As a gen-y'er, I found myself at times affronted by this article, and at times agreeing - a lot of the time it was being affronted initally and then realizing the statement might be true, might even apply to me. But this article simplifies it way too much. I think my generation's "narcissism" is a response to having watched our parents live unfulfilled and unhappy lives - we don't want to repeat that. In a lot of cases, our own parents don't want us to repeat that either, afterall, they are the ones allowing us to live at home, willing to pay some of our bills while we take our time to discover what will really make us happy. We're idealistic and sometimes that can translate to "naive" but for the most part I think our intentions are good and we're taking longer to settle down now so that we can be happier later. I wish my parents would have done the same.

  • Posted By: EmilyRose79 @ 10/17/2007 1:02:37 PM

    I am a 27 year old, unmarried woman living on my own in Chicago. I moved out of my parents' home when I was 18 and have only returned for holidays. I graduated college early, found a full time job in the "real world" right away, and have been working (very hard) and supporting myself since the day after I completed my college classes. The reason? I was raised by parents who told me that the world doesn't offer a "free ride" and that I had to learn to take care of myself. Your article makes some decent points about many of the people in my generation. I know a lot of irresponsible people whose parents pay their bills, rent, send them to Europe, buy them cars, and bail them out of any trouble they manage to get themselves into. I also know many more people my age who are focused, career-driven, and have their futures in the forefront of their minds. The difference between the two groups can be found not only in the Gen-Yers, but also in their parents. Your article seems to victimize the "aging parents" as you call them who are putting off retirement to help their deadbeat kids. Those parents are choosing to do that for their children. Both of my parents worked hard for themselves and their children and retired in their 50's. I do not expect to inherit a large sum of money, nor should I. I wasn't raised that way. If I found myself in a financial bind tomorrow, I would go to the bank for loan, not to my parents. Then again, I am not a spoiled child. If these Gen-Yers are not prepared for the "real world," the parents are partially to blame for that. After all, children cannot spoil themselves. Another point you bring up that I found a little irriatating is the consistent mention of marriage and children. No, not all of us got married at 23 and I think that is something that should be applauded, not immediately labeled as "narcissim." You question whether this generation will be able to handle having children. Once again, it is not a bad thing that people in their twenties are putting off having children and getting married until they are ready to handle it. Think of how many children in the DCFS program are children of mothers in their twenties. You should also remember that our generation has more divorced parents than any generation before us. Perhaps we are not rushing into marriage before the age of 25 because we want to make sure we are getting married for the right reasons and because we want to avoid painful divorces that many of our parents endured.
    I am not saying that the examples you have provided do not illustrate a certain degree of narcissism, but I do think your agrument appears one-sided throughout most of your article. If you pick up any number of business magazines in a given month, you will find an article entitled "The Top 40 Under 40." I realize people in their 30's and 40's are not part of Gen Y, but there are many of us out there putting in the work that earns the right to be on the cover of those magazines. The statistics yo

    • Posted By: Spadesp78 @ 10/17/2007 1:09:40 PM

      I have to admit, when I hear King Rod propose that "kids" up to age 29 should be allowed to be on their parents' health insurance policies (a practice in New Jersey that drove up premiums for ALL people responsible enough to provide their own insurance) I wonder just what the heck is wrong with some people in our generation. If you're that old and still on your parents' insurance, it's safe to assume that person still lives at home (thus does not have the expenses associated with rent/owning a place to live), and is either a freeloader living off their parents (and other people paying health insurance) or just a total loser who doesn't have a real job and apparently has no marketable skills to make that person employable. We should NOT reward total irresponsibility.

      • Posted By: nadine07 @ 10/17/2007 10:54:55 PM

        They could be a graduate student! Since I've been working a technically non-permanent job and going to graduate school, I have exactly ONE choice of health plan. It's overpriced, and I literally have not been able to afford the medical care I need (e.g. basic annual checkups). My mom, on the other hand, works at a hospital where they have a very good, cheap medical plan. My life would be so much better if I could get on it, not for being a freeloader, but just for wanting regular health care without going into debt.

    • Posted By: CivilServantBradley @ 10/17/2007 2:46:16 PM

      Well spoken. I think placing the blame here in this article is also pointless. The article overlooked the very heart of the issue: the "American dream" is abstract and dynamic. Who are we to criticize Gen Y-ers who choose to live at home to pursue purported selfish interests, just the same as we try and fault the boomer generation who pushed so hard to gain wealth and homes. Granted, there will always be some people who piddle their lives away and are drains on society, their families, etc...but this article seems to imply that this is not the exception, but rather the rule.

  • Posted By: landgraf1021 @ 10/17/2007 8:48:12 PM

    I find it humorous that all the Gen Y-ers responding to this article are outraged. As a Gen X-er, I am tired of being lumped in with them by the baby boomers. I am hard working and put MYSELF through college and have never expected anything handed to me. I don't consider a college degree a right to anything. It irks me to no end that these Gen-Ys contribute substandard work, and then act like they made this HUGE contribution. The baby boomers are still very much in control in corporate America.

  • Posted By: KingCthulu @ 10/17/2007 6:36:18 PM

    Enter Your Comment

  • Posted By: ToBeAnAmerican @ 10/17/2007 6:30:20 PM

    So many problems, so little time. Many people in all generations do not have stable jobs because the way the economy works today. Generation X who runs the show has created a system where you need a college degree to get a decent paying job and to advance in your career path you need a graduate degree. The fact that 50% of high school students think they will get a graduate degree at some point has NOTHING to do with false ideas, but actually shows that high school students understand that harsh nature of today's society!!! Today, a college degree means as much as a high school degree did 25 years ago and the same goes for a graduate degree. If you don't like what the kids are thinking today, you created the system, we are just trying to follow the rules!

    Today's economy has also taken many jobs out of America and put them into other countries. Who's idea was this? Generation X of course! Jobs come and go as companies decide to shift headquarters and branches to meet tight profit margins. Do I blame Generation X for doing something that makes economic sense? No, the world is changing but I do blame certain members of Generation X for not considering since everything is changing, perhaps life goals in people's twenties should be changing too!

    As for changing Generation Y to Generation ME, which generation refuses to raise the age of social security benefits despite the fact that people 65 years and older are more capable of working today than 65 years old 25, 50 years ago? GENERATION X!

    Which generation came up with all of the small products that make life eaiser but wreck havoc on the envoirnment which Generation Y will have to clean up?!

    Which generation elected candidate after candidate to office on a platform of LOW TAXES and TAX BREAKS to those who built their dream homes out in unsustainable communities that are stretching the economic infrastructure of this country?

    Which generation snubbed public transportation in favor of cars and created the leading problem in air quality?

    Which generation creates and markets the 'selfish toys' as must have items like the IPOD, Wii, etc.?

    Is Generation X the entire reason for our society's problems? No, but they aren't giving any solutions either. They refuse to vote away the nice little tax breaks and government handouts they get while complaining about young people needing their parents to help them out when their companies don't provide health insurance because the economy has changed from when they were 25 years old.

    It's hard to finish writing this because the author has it all wrong and I can't stop going after the holes, but whatever people, there you have it.

  • Posted By: mscarr1 @ 10/17/2007 6:18:10 PM

    I think it's a mixed bag. There is a vast number of Narcissistic young people who are afraid to grow up and be responsible - check out reality tv - the Hills, Laguna Beach blah blah blah, there are also a good number who are responsible contributing members of the society - be it in traditional work or volunteerism.

    The fear is that the Peter Pans will never grow up - leaving the rest in the generation to support them in their fastasy pursuits.

    The blame belongs on the backs of the boomer parents who mis-managed having a balanced life. They were either too lenient (no rules/no discipline) or too greedy (work work/money money). So balanced living did not exist - leaving insecure children who just want to have fun.

    I plan to kick my Gen-Yer's out in a couple of years...right after they finish graduate school.

  • Posted By: Steveo @ 10/17/2007 5:18:34 PM

    You know it occurred to me that this article is statistically invalid. You would need a representative population to make this claim and be taken seriously. I see one incidence, Felicite, and you have made a conclusion around it with anecdotal evidence from one survey to support it (that study could also be interpreted to say that today's young workers are parasitically underpaid by their employers). Also, the "regional studies" you cite aren't cited. I bet I can find someone who is 50 that will say that he is made of cheese if I look hard enough. Bam! All 50 year olds are made of cheese! To quote the great Ron Burgundy, "it's science."

  • Posted By: gigiperforma @ 10/17/2007 4:09:46 PM

    I disagree. As a 20something who is both working at a meaningful job AND living on my own, I think my generation is responding to the equal parts of selfishness and apathy I see in the gerneration above me. So maybe we want to change the world. And maybe we realize that we'd rather live with our parents (not easy) and make some financial sacrifices (which ultimatley we WILL pay for) in order to do it. I, for one, wish we had more examples in ANY generation of people making socially responsible and thoughtful choices, even at the cost of (gasp) the great American buck.

  • Posted By: gigiperforma @ 10/17/2007 4:04:18 PM

    Enter Your Comment

  • Posted By: SmallPenguin @ 10/16/2007 11:38:48 PM

    Wait a second: I'm a Gen-Yer who has consciously made the decision to stay at my parents house following college graduation because I want to be able to have the ability and cause to save money for a nest-egg in the future. That I want to ensure that I am able to own both a great house and a great car comfortably is my reasoning for choosing not to "go out into the real world." As it is, I do work a "real" job on top of my academic and university-related extracurricular activities - and, yes, I simultaneously understand the value of money and volunteer-ism in today's world. But I'm also able to prioritize.

    Give me a break, people. We don't all have our head in the clouds.

    • Posted By: CivilServantBradley @ 10/17/2007 2:41:29 PM

      I agree! Some of these comments are absurd. I think a good deal of people who go back to live at home or travel the world are in search of that lofty ideal we call "The American Dream". Who said it had to be some cookie-cutter idea of a house and 2.5 children? Some people might want to save for homes, some feel a yearning for self discovery through volunteerism and career satisfaction. I think a parent has a respoinsibility to their child tyo promote that sort of growth through young adulthood.

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