Narcissists in Neverland

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  • Posted By: anrblack @ 10/17/2007 10:05:22 AM

    I'm a gen-x'er, and I know every generation has gripes about the next, but I see a lot of what this article is stating in those 5-10 years younger than me. For some reason, my age group was pretty much left to fend for ourselves, while our younger siblings have to be helped to do everything. My brother in law is 24, still lives at home, gets an allowance from my in-laws, and works a job in social service because it's "fun." At his age, I was married, working two jobs, and struggling like everyone else. You guys don't think I'd rather work a "fun," "interesting," or "fulfilling" job? Um, we didn't get that choice! No one was paying my bills or letting me crash for free! The statement about not being able to make decisions is also true, from what I see. I work with people of this age group, and they have their parents on speed dial. I love my parents, but they're not my friends or assistants. I don't run every decision of my life by them first, and they would tell me to grow up if I did.
    And by the way, for those you stating that you NEED so much, remember that we older ones can actually distinguish a NEED from a WANT...In my early 20's, I didn't have cable, a car, new clothes, or money to go out. You can live without those things. We all have.

    • Posted By: gcarp2006 @ 10/17/2007 10:21:37 AM

      I really don't want to hear your complaints. You had the choice to not get married, and to use birth control. You made your decisions, so you did what you had to do to make them work. Don't force your family values on others.

      • Posted By: rdaffron @ 10/17/2007 10:39:32 AM

        Yes, he made his choice. He chose to grow up and take responsiblity. As he said, parents are NOT there to be friends or assistants. They are there to raise you to the best of their ability so that you become a productive member of society. I totally applaude his attitude and his preservernce. We'd all love to have a "fun" job, some are lucky to do that. We'd all love to have no reponsiblities and live somewhere while others pay the bills - that's called being a leech. A parent who has thoroughly done their job will see their child through college and then OUT on their own, not still living at home.

  • Posted By: wanderer-girl@hotmail.com @ 10/17/2007 10:37:15 AM

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  • Posted By: buddw @ 10/17/2007 10:35:17 AM

    Apparently, Emily Flynn Vencat believes it wrong to instill the belief in children that one can be whoever one chooses in life...how pitiful. I am grateful to not be her offspring. More so, I'm glad my mother and grandparents raised me to believe that if money, prestige, and/or power are one's goal in this life, then your life will have been a waste. To strive to own two or three cars, two or three homes, all the toys that go along with these, timeshares, overseas vacations, etc., and to concentrate one's lifetime energy on one's financial betterment rather than wasting time "volunteering" is not admirable as Ms. Flynn Vencat believes, rather it is gluttonous, selfish, repulsive, and dangerous,. She quotes ???Generation Me" author Twenge ??? Twenge, Ms. Flynn Vencat's, and other like minded money/item seekers, apparently believe that volunteering for social, environmental, working towards the betterment ALL mankind is lazy and wasteful, and that sacrificing one???s own personal advancement of wealth for the benefit of OTHERS is foolish and arrogant. If this is true, then Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Theresa, Susan B. Anthony, Mother Jones, and many many others would also fit into this category. It seems to me that Twenge, Ms. Flynn Vencat, and likeminded Babyboomers (all, by the way, are not likeminded), are the ones who should be called ???Generation Me??? as the accumulation of their personal wealth, amassment of property, and advancement in their money oriented careers and in all things that benefit themselves, is what trumps all. Ms. Flynn Vencat's and, according to her, the Baby-boomer Generation's apparent belief in this, is exactly what she accuses Gen-Yers of...Narcissistic.

  • Posted By: MichaelX @ 10/17/2007 10:35:02 AM

    Yes, the slacker generation is coming to break point in their assesment of advancing their lives.
    True, there are the ones who did not have a silver spoon, and are succeeding in their endeavors.
    However, failure to adequately define their selves in society is why they are disdained.
    I, am an Aquarian generation. this is an example of who, what, and why we are. Our beliefs, and desires have been realized more than we thought, and continue to have a bearing on social, and ethical behaviour.
    Gen X,Y,Z er's are habitual whiners, and need to get a rude awakening. "Real" life awaits you, take it on.

  • Posted By: afn317 @ 10/17/2007 10:21:09 AM

    Wow... Where do I start? First of all, I'm a Gen-Y'er, just a few months short of 25. I lived with my parents (except freshman year in the dorms) until I graduated at the age of 23 while working part time making basically only enough to cover my gas, insurance, and a few other things. I got a job, moved away, and now I'm working full time (usually over 40 hours) and going to school in the evenings to further my education. I'm barely making enough to support myself (although that does include a 401K that I put money into with matching funds from my employer) and I haven't even started paying my college loans yet. I hope to be able to start paying my parents back soon for money they've lent me over the years and a car that they sold to me for a very small dollar amount. Anyways, back to the point of all of this... Children should move out of their parents house when possible, I love my parents and I am very close to them but I have grown so much personally since I've been out on my own. That being said, there are times in this world/economy that that just isn't the best idea. It also really depends on the family; I'm an only child and my mother is probably my best friend in the world, we weren't really ready to let go, I couldn't afford to live on my own, and I did my best to help out around the house and pay for as much of my own expenses as possible. It worked pretty well for us. I know that they are always there for me if I need it, but in a way they were glad to see me go so that they could be just a couple again, not so-and-so's parents. I think it's great when young adults feel the need to give back to society, but there needs to be a balance, i.e. don't bankrupt your own family just to help everyone else in the world. As far as this article goes, it was a biased attack against a generation. There really isn't much of a difference between generations, only differences in society and economy that forces people into certain cubbyholes. Every generation has had there slackers and there hard workers. This generation has grown up seeing our parents work too hard to support us and we are really just searching for that perfect balance of "work hard, play hard." There isn't anything wrong with instilling hope in children by telling them they can "be what they want to be" but we do need to teach them reality too and show them that sometimes things just don't work out how we would like them too. And as far as the narcississm, that is a society-wide problem. I deal with this problem everyday from people of all ages. Either from idiots who're arrogant enough to think they're king of the road and refuse to pick a lane, or from coworkers who want it went they want it and no later, or store clerks who feel that I'm bothering them just by asking them to do they're job and let me check out. On the other hand, I wouldn't expect anything better from Newsweek...

  • Posted By: gcarp2006 @ 10/17/2007 10:18:31 AM

    The juxtaposition of it all. The Gen-Yers are "selfish" because the choose to volunteer? I think that statement may need to be evaluated a little more closely. I am a mid 20's Human Resources Generalist who still lives at home. I don't like to be living there, and I really want to move out. How can we possibly take on a morgage when we have $50,000 in student loans, we are taxed at an excessive rate because we are not married and don't have kids yet. I am not saying that a great portion of my generation are not slackers. Clearly, some of them are. Every generation feels that the preceeding one will not be able to handle the responsibility; Yes yours did to. Remember you crazy kids, with your crazy rock and roll? Or maybe all of your drug use and free love? By the way, thank for that whole AIDS epidemic thing, you guys clearly were more responsible and civic minded.

  • Posted By: gcarp2006 @ 10/17/2007 10:17:19 AM

    The juxtaposition of it all. The Gen-Yers are "selfish" because the choose to volunteer? I think that statement may need to be evaluated a little more closely. I am a mid 20's Human Resources Generalist who still lives at home. I don't like to be living there, and I really want to move out. How can we possibly take on a morgage when we have $50,000 in student loans, we are taxed at an excessive rate because we are not married and don't have kids yet. I am not saying that a great portion of my generation are not slackers. Clearly, some of them are. Every generation feels that the preceeding one will not be able to handle the responsibility; Yes yours did to. Remember you crazy kids, with your crazy rock and roll? Or maybe all of your drug use and free love? By the way, thank for that whole AIDS epidemic thing, you guys clearly were more responsible and civic minded.

  • Posted By: rg_2323 @ 10/16/2007 11:25:12 PM

    If one is 21 or older and still mooching off their parents, ( college or not) they should be embarrased. Get off your lazy asses and work. I joined the military at 18 and have been on my own for 10 years. I have no respect for 20 somethings that are'nt doing the same.

    • Posted By: j_morales @ 10/17/2007 12:08:42 AM

      If you READ the article, it wasn't so much that Gen-Yers aren't working...its that they are not pursuing lofty positions any more but being more choosey. You made your choice. Let them make theirs. And I bet you came from an upbringing where as you call "mooching" wasn't even an option.

      The point is, their parents are contributing to their behavior and are ultimately the ones responsible for raising them and giving them their values. So let them be parents and stop judging...

      • Posted By: qnetter @ 10/17/2007 10:11:12 AM

        It's not that they're not pursuing LOFTY positions -- it's that they're not pursuing SELF-SUPPORTING positions.

  • Posted By: rdaffron @ 10/16/2007 11:28:03 PM

    Any person who has graduated and working has absolutely NO BUSINESS still living under their parents' roof. And no parent should even allow it. I finished college at 22 and left home to find a job and get my own place. No way in hell would I have considered leeching off my parents. Where is your self-esteem, for crying out loud???!!!! My daughter may live in my home while she's in college, BUT once she graduates, she's been told that's the end of it. She may come home to visit, BUT she will be expected to find a job AND a place to live. I love her, I gave her life, but I also love her enough to make her leave to learn to live on her own. And she knows it. Apparently others don't have the common sense that God gave a flea to understand that this is the way it's supposed to work.

    • Posted By: nadine07 @ 10/17/2007 1:34:05 AM

      In most cultures, kids do stay at home until they're married, often well into their 30s, so maybe that's "the way it's supposed to work." If you love your daughter and she's able to work and not be in debt, why would you force her out of the house? Chances are, she'd want to leave at a certain age anyway, but wouldn't you want to give her the comfort of knowing she can fall back on something if things go wrong?

      • Posted By: qnetter @ 10/17/2007 10:10:11 AM

        In most cultures where kids stay at home until they're married, they marry by 18. And, oh, yes, they also pay toward the family's support -- they don't live off their parents' income.

    • Posted By: berat1234 @ 10/17/2007 9:44:34 AM

      "Any person who has graduated and working has absolutely NO BUSINESS still living under their parents' roof."

      Are you retarded? There isn't that kind of money in the workplace for us! I'm pulling down $30,000 per year, and I've been out of school for about 18 months. When you factor in paying off college loans, needing a car (if I didn't have one, I wouldn't be able to get to work, PERIOD), and paying rent TO ONE'S FOLKS (something that obviously is a foreign concept to you), there is no money left AT ALL. I haven't been able to invest my money or save for the future because I can't afford the present! This is not for lack of trying. Frankly, it is because of people like you that these United States are going to hell in a handbasket -- because you want to blame your children for problems YOU have created.

  • Posted By: Mayvoc @ 10/17/2007 10:09:00 AM

    People have been complaining for years that kids are growing up too fast, and now that they're stopping to smell the roses - they are perceived as narcissistic.
    I think it is very healthy for Gen-Yrs to take their time exploring and experiencing the world........as long as they can pay their own way. The parents need to stop enabling their kids and encourage them to work for what they want. I hope my kids will wait to get married and start a family until after they have had some adventures. I've always thought that we should enjoy our retirement early in life - while we're young and vibrant and don't mind eating spaghettios and peanut butter for dinner! I enjoyed this article very much.

  • Posted By: no0ne_007 @ 10/17/2007 9:43:28 AM

    In my mid thirties now and live a semi-good life (not rich by no means). It wasn't handed to me and I surely didn't inherit it. I grew up in the ghettos of Suffolk (On the other side of the tracks), my mom, a single parent, had to share a tiny house with two other families just to make it. Through working seven days a week and school loans, which have just been paid off, I earned everything I have today. Today's generation is not only lazy, but whiners who need to put down the xbox controllers and realize life just isn't handed to them.

    • Posted By: berat1234 @ 10/17/2007 9:51:30 AM

      I find it ridiculously ironic that so many are whining about this current generation, this generation of whiners.

      • Posted By: no0ne_007 @ 10/17/2007 10:08:31 AM

        When you have kids of your own that you have to support, you'll earn that right too. pft...

  • Posted By: qnetter @ 10/17/2007 10:05:58 AM

    Apparently, some things don't change: Gen-Yers, like those who came before them, retreat to grammar and spelling flames when they lack anything of substance to say.

  • Posted By: deezave @ 10/16/2007 9:32:26 PM

    This article is garbage. Baby boomers and Gen-Y'ers grew up in an entirely different society than that of the Gen-X'ers today. You cannot seriously attempt to compare these generalized age ranges in the same light. How many Gen-X'ers and Baby Boomers went to college? How many needed to go to college? Those that did go to college were not paying nearly as much as students today. Were they paying $900 a semester for books? NO! This is a generation that is much smarter and balancing much more than the people who have been lucky enough to position themselves to collect a social security check once they decide to retire. We all know who is paying for that, our youth. Are they ever going to see a dime? No. It takes a lot more to get by today than it did in the 60's, 70's, and 80's. This is a problem that is much larger than the simple conclusion of selfishness our genius sociologist Jean Twenge worked so very hard to come up with. And yes, that is sarcasm. Today, there is much more competition for fewer jobs, that pay less. With the weak effort made to produce this point of view, I would suspect that it is coming from someone who obviously did not have to deal with the same difficulties that exist today. The effort put into this article obviously shows that this is the product of a dinosaur that knows nothing about what it takes to "cope" today. My advice, Ms. Twenge and Ms. Vencat is to retire now, because you and your opinions are obsolete. Today's grade - F.

    • Posted By: Bogatyrka88 @ 10/17/2007 9:52:42 AM

      As a "Gen X-er" I suppose I should be insulted by your post, but according to the stereotype, "whatever".
      I went to college, got my undergrad, and then entered the workforce at a job that didn't pay enough, to help take care of my grandparents (the "greatest generation") who were dying, or lost without their spouse. It took me 10 years after I got my BA to get my MA (thanks to travelling for work, etc.) but I did it.
      I went to college, and needed to go to get an education, and yes, I was paying 100's of dollars a quarter for books.
      I apologize to Gen Y for being stupider than them, and for also wanting to retire around oh...2040 and not being able to. My bad.

  • Posted By: eskielill @ 10/17/2007 9:51:10 AM

    The comments from dnagirl are spoken like a true Generation Yer. Especially "I REFUSE to believe that Generation Y is any different." That's the point! All I know is as I read the article I was a little paranoid...were you writing about my life? We love our 25-yr-old daughter who lives 3000 miles away but the questions are "When do we cut her off? What if she gets evicted and is put in an unsafe position? What if she breaks down on a busy freeway and gets kidnapped?"

  • Posted By: citrusbuddha @ 10/17/2007 9:49:27 AM

    I greatly resent articles like this. I'm 22, work an 11hr/day job in NYC, and pay all my own expenses - rent, school loans, credit cards, etc. While I would love to have a job I am passionate about, and plan to return to grad school soon (and pay for it myself), I realize that I have to be pragmatic and save dilligently for a few years before taking any big steps. I know many people like myself. We're not taking handouts from anyone, and we're struggling to make it by ourselves, and to make a difference, in the face of rising inflation, global competition, and an administration that doesn't care. Nasty, self-righteous articles like this make me question why I should even bother trying.

  • Posted By: Cidney @ 10/17/2007 9:43:01 AM

    If I were in my mid twenties or later and I met a guy in that age range still mooching/living at home with his parents, the first thing that would come to mind is LOOSER! I have seen so many parents enable their adult children to the point of making both the parent and the adult child look ridiculos.

    • Posted By: berat1234 @ 10/17/2007 9:48:24 AM

      Ma'am, I AM in my mid-20s, and knowing that there are still people out there who spell and use grammar as abhorrently as you do makes me wonder why elder generations have such a problem with text and instant messaging.

  • Posted By: T.A. Jones @ 10/17/2007 9:45:23 AM

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