Marriage by the Numbers

The old wisdom was that the more successful a woman was professionally, the harder it would be to find an equally accomplished mate. But that's changed, too. For some women, financial security creates an expanded pool of men from which to choose, whether they marry a starving artist or simply another professional whose earnings or status isn't as high as their own. Those role reversals represent a shifting power balance in marriage, which often results in more-egalitarian relationships in which who does the housework, cares for children or mows the lawn are open to negotiation. "We've never constructed marriages with this much legal and economic equality before," says Stephanie Coontz, author of "Marriage: A History" and a professor at Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash.

Sociologists call women's historical tendency to marry more-accomplished men "hypergamy," and in a 2004 study, University of Washington economist Elaina Rose found it's declined over the years. And though both men and women are more likely to marry someone closer in age than they were in the 1980s, there are also plenty of women willing to consider younger men, which is no longer the taboo it once was. A few weeks ago Terey Allen, a 39-year-old mental-health professional, married Joshua DeLisle, 27, who's finishing his undergrad degree. "The age difference was a huge deal at first," she says. But after three years of dating, "we decided we couldn't live without each other." While she wonders if people may be giggling behind her back, to her face they offer a different message: You go, girl!

By most accounts, men's attitudes about marriage have evolved, too. "Generationally, I think Gen-Xers [of both genders] have a real commitment to marriage," says John Wise, 35, a finance manager in Baltimore. That's true, he says, because many watched their parents divorce. Wise figured he'd marry by 27, and after a couple of relationships in which neither he nor his partner was ready to commit, he's still on the hunt. When it comes to age, he's flexible: his last girlfriend was 37, and his current Ms. Maybe is 29. And despite the cultural notion that it's women who fixate on bridal magazines and window-shop for engagement rings, Wise admits he's spent time imagining the big, blowout wedding he'll share with his bride, whoever she may be.

Beyond all the research studies and forecasts, the trend-spotting and fearmongering that are too often the stock in trade of both journalists and academics, the real story of this anniversary is the unexpected happily-ever-afters. In the 1986 story, Boston public-relations executive Sally Jackson was happily single. She could find a man if she wanted, she figured, but she liked living alone. At 47, she married a man she'd known for years. Today she revels in having a travel companion, someone to talk to when they both awaken at 3 a.m., someone to love unconditionally who'll love her back. "I married a fabulous man and I'm crazy about him, and being blissfully married is better than being blissfully single, but not by that much," she said a few weeks ago. Several days later she called back. That part about marriage being only a little bit better? She'd lied. "Being married is really a lot better," she says. That may not be what single men or women want to hear. But for people of all ages who hope to offer their hands in marriage someday, the odds look far better today than a long-ago magazine article may have led you to believe.

With Andrew Murr, Karen Springen, Joan Raymond, Marc Bain, Alice-Azania Jarvis and Sam Register

© 2006