THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TRUMP

Like the gold-encrusted doors to his Fifth Avenue apartment, everything Donald Trump says is over the top, outrageous and in desperate need of being toned down by 20 percent. Like when he claims that "The Apprentice," the reality-TV show that features him as the oracle of business wisdom, is "the No. 1 show on television," when it's really No. 8. Or when he brags that the show is "the biggest hit for NBC since 'Friends'," despite a little program called "ER." That's Trump--always the salesman, the master of what he's called "truthful hyperbole." The funny thing is, people are buying every morsel he has to sell. "The Apprentice" is the most addictive new show on television, with more than 18 million viewers tuning in every week to watch Trump conduct his own master class in megasuccess. And he's hooked some big fish. "I knew it was going to be a good show when Suzy and I were watching it in bed with her two kids and they started shouting, 'You're fired! You're fired!' " says one retired CEO. "I was stunned. It's a home run." This "Apprentice" admirer is named Jack Welch.

What a difference a decade makes. Not long ago, Trump, 57, was a bloviating real- estate developer with a taste for young women and the spotlight. Today he's--exactly the same. Not even his hairdo has changed. So how has Trump gone from something of a joke--a "short-fingered vulgarian" in one infamous epithet--to a man so cool, even "The Donald" doesn't sound mocking anymore? Certainly Trump's comeback from near bankruptcy helped. He's got his name on more New York City buildings than Rockefeller. But more importantly, he arrives at a moment custom-tailored for him and his show. On the one hand, the economy and stock market are heating up to the point where we're getting nostalgic for the Trump era of excess. At the same time, we're all feeling anxious about our jobs and the future. What better way to take the edge off than with a bit of gallows humor--"You're fired!" delivered by The Boss with a cobralike flick of his wrist at whichever contestant he decides doesn't make the grade?

It's also a sign that "The Apprentice" is perhaps the first reality program that's close to real. The show is patterned on "Survivor"--they're both created by Mark Burnett--with two teams conducting tasks every week and the losers suffering the indignity of having one member booted by Trump. But unlike programs where people starve themselves on a tropical island or date 25 potential wives simultaneously, "The Apprentice" takes us to territory we all know--the office. Everyone can relate to co-workers who are lousy team players, assignments with unrealistic deadlines and, most of all, those terrifying moments when the boss calls you on the carpet. This is still television, so "The Apprentice" isn't always as real as it seems. The boardroom on the show is actually a set built in the basement of Trump Tower. In fact, he almost never sacks anyone himself, and when he does, says George Ross, one of Trump's real-life lieutenants who also advises him on the show, "I doubt he'd say the words 'You're fired.' He's much more tactful than that." But if the business of America is business, "The Apprentice" is its first video diary. Even the grand prize seems like an attainable plum: a one-year apprenticeship as head of one of the companies in the Trump empire with a $250,000 salary. No wonder more than 200,000 applied for the show's 16 slots. "The promise of what's being won here is not just some one-time reward of $1 million," says Robert Thompson, a professor of television and pop culture at Syracuse University. "The promise is that you can skip 50 rungs on the corporate ladder. It's the brass ring that so temptingly hangs in front of everyone who dreams the American Dream."

Which explains why people are taking the show so seriously. "I can tell you that at various business schools, like Harvard and Wharton, it's mandatory watching," says Trump. Wait--that's more Trump hyperbole. But the truth is, not since Regis started asking "Is that your final answer?" has a catchphrase caught on like Trump's. He claims "You're fired!" just occurred to him during the first show. "The first boardroom was supposed to be about a minute. I was supposed to just say, 'David, it doesn't look like you have it. I really don't want you.' It was supposed to be much softer. And then I just said, hey, f--- it. And you know, the words came out," Trump says. "There is something very succinct and very beautiful about the words 'You're fired.' It's so definite and final." Fans yell "You're fired" at Trump about 100 times a day--and that's no exaggeration--including when he and his girlfriend, Melania Knauss, 33, are having lunch at the tony Le Cirque restaurant.

Trump's tough talk doesn't thrill everyone. Cathy Gurny of Scarsdale, N.Y., watches the show with her 9-year-old son, Harris, but she's worried Trump is corrupting him. For one thing, Harris now wants to be a real-estate mogul just like Trump. "I tell him you don't have to be tough and aggressive like that," says Gurny. She's also had to stop Harris from shouting "You're fired!" at the nanny. "He was scaring her," she says. Others say the problem is more serious, that CEOs have had enough trouble with their reputations, and "The Apprentice" isn't helping the rehab. "It's pretty vulgar," says Jeffrey Sonnenfeld, associate dean of the Yale School of Management. "It's deception, trickery and sex peddling. The lesson is that leadership selection is developed in a process akin to musical chairs at a Hooter's restaurant."

Vulgar? What did people expect? This is a man whose mistress, Marla Maples, once bragged to a New York tabloid: THE BEST SEX I'VE EVER HAD. But people who make those kinds of complaints aren't watching carefully enough. One of the most stunning moments of "The Apprentice" came when the women's team had won several competitions largely by hiking up their skirts and shaking their booties. Trump did the unthinkable. He chewed them out. "You're almost over the line," he said, which, coming from the man who owns the "Miss Universe Pageant," is practically a papal edict. The fact is, the Trump on "The Apprentice" isn't the same nasty, petty guy who picked fights with New York Mayor Ed Koch back in the '80s. There's something almost nurturing about him on the show. He listens during the boardroom meetings where the contestants plead their cases. He gives constructive advice and support. Last week, after Heidi found out that her mother has colon cancer, Trump pulled her aside and asked if she was OK. "Until this show, I was known as a flamethrower, a wild man who was ruthless. And I'm not," he says.