American Beat: Pyramid Schemes

But the eggheads at Harvard don't have much pull with the USDA. Last month, the batter-dipped French fry industry (motto: "Making French Fries Even Less Healthy Since 1940!") won a major victory when a judge ruled that batter-dipped fries actually qualified as "fresh vegetable" under USDA rules. Under the USDA's "Batter-Coating Rule," a box of chocolate-covered cherries would probably now qualify as fresh fruit, too (clearly Ronald Reagan's USDA was ahead of its time declaring ketchup and pickle relish vegetables). Nonetheless, U.S. District Judge Richard Schell ruled that batter-coated french fries are a fresh vegetable--so, according to the food pyramid, feel free to eat three to five portions per day!

The USDA is so beholden to American agricultural producers that a report it commissioned in 1999 didn't address the health needs of Americans, but merely the concerns of the agriculture industry. For example, if Americans cut their consumption of sweeteners to healthy levels, it would translate "into a 4.8-million-ton reduction in domestic sugar output" in Florida, Louisiana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Idaho, Michigan, and California. If Americans cut their world-leading consumption of fats and oils, the "reductions will have the largest impact on the soy bean sector...translating into 20 percent less acreage." If we were to cut our intake of meat, the shift "would have a measurable effect on the grain sector."

But if we were to eat more fruit, the report said, "imports would likely take up the slack, as land, labor and climatic constraints limit expansion of domestic fruit production." In other words, the USDA can't afford to encourage healthy eating. No wonder nutritionists think the USDA and the agri-industrial complex are part of the problem, not the solution.

"Commercial breakfast cereals have no place in the pyramid," said Christine Gerbstadt, a dietician and medical doctor in Pennsylvania. "They're processed grain, not whole grain, and they're high in sugar. But they're included because the cereal industry is so powerful. Fats and sweets shouldn't be on the pyramid at all? And what does that mean, 'Use Sparingly'? Why leave it to interpretation?"

When it comes to sweets and fats, my definition of "Use Sparingly" tends to be "Use Whenever I've Had a Bad Day That I Need to Forget or a Good Day That I Need to Celebrate." But, hey, that's just me. According to Gerbstadt, "Use Sparingly" is supposed to mean once or twice a month! And that includes alcohol. So that cupcake and beer I just had at that barbecue pretty much does it for me for the next 29 days? (Man, I need a drink!)