American Beat: Just Cloning Around

Genetic Savings and Clone's vice president Ben Carlson also fielded questions, but every time he opened his mouth, it sounded like one of those cheesy sci-fi movies that feature a flash of lighting and a thunderclap every time someone says something scary.

Someone asked him about the long-term health effects of cloning. Carlson answered, "We need more time to gather more data" (THUNDERCLAP!).

Someone else asked if Genetic Savings and Clone was merely profiting from people who will do anything to revive a dead pet, people like Jeanne Shelby. "Critics say we're exploiting the bereaved and certainly a company in our position would be in a position to do that" (THUNDERCLAP!).

Someone else asked what's next for the company. "We're trying to clone dogs," he said. "But they've proven to be more, er, complicated" (THUNDERCLAP!). The presentation over, I requested face time with the clones, explaining that a reporter of such importance can't do his job from behind a security perimeter (and when I said a "reporter of such importance," I clearly fooled Carlson into thinking I was talking about myself). After intense negotiations, it was determined that I could look at Baba Ganoush, but not hold her. And Tabouli was simply out of the question--she was resting.

Darn diva! Even Martha Stewart once answered a question that I yelled out from behind the rope line at federal court!

Gersh Kuntzman is also a reporter for The New York Post. Check out his rudimentary website at http://www.gersh.tv

© 2004