Top Story
Fareed Zakaria: Wanted—A New Global Strategy
My Journey to the Top
 
 
Latest News
Sending spam in Israel could mean a big fine
 
 
expand
PSYCHOLOGY

Inside Karen’s Crowded Mind

In a new book, a psychiatrist details his most challenging case, a woman with 17 personalities.

By Anne Underwood | NEWSWEEK
From the magazine issue dated Oct 29, 2007

« Return to Article

 
Discuss
 
Member Comments
  • Posted By: dataonabuse @ 09/08/2008 9:02:49 PM

    Comment: rBasic Information on Dissociative Identity Disorder with sections on Basic Information on DID from the DSM-IV-TR, The History of DID/MPD, Diagnosing DID, Responses to those that state that DID is iatrogenic or a social construct, MPD/DID connection to severe abuse, Recent infomation and DID resources
    http://members.aol.com/smartnews/Dissociative-Identity-Disorder.htm

    Recovered Memory Data with information on recovered memory corroboration, theories on recovered memory, legal information, physiological evidencefor memory suppression, replies to skeptics and books and articles onmemory. http://members.aol.com/smartnews/recovered_memory_data.htm

    Satanic Ritual Abuse evidence with information on McMartin Preschool case
    http://members.aol.com/smartnews/SRA_references_list.htm

    The McMartin Preschool Case - What Really Happened and the Coverup
    http://members.aol.com/smartnews/McMartin_Preschool_Case.htm

    The Etymological Antecedents of and Scientific Evidence for the Existence of Dissociative Identity Disorder
    http://members.aol.com/smartnews/did_proof.html

    The Diagnosis and Assessment of Dissociative Identity Disorder
    http://members.aol.com/smartnews/did_diagnosis.html


  • Posted By: lifehurtz @ 08/25/2008 2:06:31 PM

    Comment: where can i find out about this book? The Grandmother said her granddaughter knows when her other personality is coming, exspecially the angryone with noname, n that this g.daughter named them all.we think she is lieing big time,cuz we told are hostess Dr. who we were, he introduced us to her....so like do yas,ore any1 have a onest answer??????'s

  • Posted By: lifehurtz @ 08/25/2008 1:54:24 PM

    Comment: ???????????,s I was diagnosed in 1991, to this day they never have intergraded. n I as me feels like my dr. just doesn't know how too tell any of us,he has no ideas on how too help any one of us, in cluding myself.I am so sick n tired of going too bed, n waking up some where else,or waking up with cuts, n bruises all over. My head hurtz, n LIfehurtz a lot....

  • Posted By: lifehurtz @ 08/25/2008 1:44:37 PM

    Comment: dor wold you know who is the youngest child ever dianosed with M.P.D.I was just wondering as a friends Grandaughter age 11, was soppositlly diagnosed with three personallities at the age of four....I just find that a little too young too know weather this little girl has M.P.D. or something else.The Grandmother said she was diagnosed when in sickKids at the age of four...Oh I do believe in M/P/D/, as I am in therapy now, nn was diagnosed in 1991.12 have intergraded, n theres quite a few more. the thearapist said mine might not all intergrade, but he is teaching them to get along with each other including my self.

  • Posted By: blink17 @ 08/04/2008 10:58:01 PM

    Comment: Dear Emilylonelygirl and Madrisa and to all,

    Thank you, for your comments. I've justed started answering questions on my own "Ask Karen" blog on our website, www.switchingtime.com. Would love to hear from you!

    Karen Overhill
    "Switching Time"

  • Posted By: Madrisa @ 07/29/2008 3:10:19 PM

    Comment: I'm married to a multiple and she's made a lot of progress after 3 years of therapy (which unfortunately ended badly when the therapist crossed boundaries). I loved the book and it gave me some new insights into the integration process -- my partner has integrated 2 out of about 70 so far. I'm so glad that Karen wanted her story told and Dr. Baer wanted to tell it. Thank you very much.
    Madrisa

  • Posted By: Emilylonelygirl @ 07/20/2008 7:17:56 AM

    Comment: Karen and all,
    I was saddened when I learned how intense this therapy would become, but I think I can see that it will all be worth it. I too have done a ton of research for myself because I didn't find a lot of information beyond the typical diagnostic criteria and journals online. But few other than personal blogs with first-person information. Since I am a researcher in "real life", I tried to present the more technical and medical information in easier-to-understand terms. Since then, I started sharing it online for people who also might be interested and have gotten a good response - which helps me in my own therapy.

    I am also considering writing a book about all this when I get further along in the therapy, or perhaps when/if I integrate. And I think I will integrate. If you are interested in the information I have shared with others, visit me here:

    http://emilyfirstgirl.wordpress.com/

    Good luck on your journeys!

    Emily
    .

  • Posted By: blink17 @ 02/27/2008 12:35:32 PM

    Comment: I'm glad to hear you're reading "Switching Time" slowly. My journey to heal took over eighteen years, and continues on. Each day brings on a new challenge. I continue to have a difficult day now and then, but it's less in duration. When I decided to share my story, I felt it would help those who've been through similar trauma to know that it is possible to heal. Being abused two to three times a week over a thirteen plus year period of time was more than anyone could endure. For me, there was no other way to survive without dissociation. I lost time, for days, months and even a few years at one time. We all cope in our own way. Yet, we all experience similarities that make us unique as individuals. MPD/DID is a coping mechanism without a blueprint. No two cases are unlike.

    I never thought of my journey as systematic. It never appeared to be? However, integrating the alters, to me, was more of a need to survive in a disciplined way. My alters were not perfect and it took many, many years to get them all on the same page in order to integrate. A tedious process that worked for my alters, my pyschiatrist and I.

    I am interested in your process, too. We all take risks when dealing with DID. And it's about time some of us can come to understand what it's like to try to survive in this world, through our eyes. I appreciate your sharing with me. Never a day goes by that we can all learn something new...

    Take time in reading, you have all the time in the world. I wish you well. K

  • Posted By: blink17 @ 02/20/2008 10:19:46 AM

    Comment: Dear Erlaia.

    I understand. It's important to read "Switching Time" at slower pace, especially if your experiences run parallel in some ways. Skimming past the details of the abuse may help. But it's important to finish in order to find a sense of calm and closure. It's a difficult story to tell. And had to written in this way in hope for MPD/DID to be understood. I'm sorry for your own pain.

    Wishing you well. Take special care to your own alters. No need for alter chaos. And if you have any thoughts... please share. Maybe others can learn something from the both of us.

    K

    • Posted By: erlaia @ 02/25/2008 2:31:55 PM

      Comment: I am continuing to read carefully and slowly. In doing so, I continue to be profoundly impressed by your willingness to heal, to assert forward, to risk. You took such major risks to heal and with such evident clarity and resolution as you move through your life.

      I have been reading slowly enough when it comes to the narrative concerning abuse so that I am not activated. Unusual for me, since I tend to "push through" just to establish that I can......

      Yours was a very different process than mine; my journey has been much less systematic. I also note that , with the exception of one or two alters, most of mine were coconscious; I lost little time. I think that may be because the abuse I sustained was not quite so consistent over time as yours.

  • Posted By: blink17 @ 02/11/2008 11:36:39 AM

    Comment: Thank you, Erlaia, for all your kind words. I knew there is a writer within you and am amazed to hear that you and your wife are writing a book together about her experience. I wish you great luck. And if this helps...there is a book that worked, almost to a "T" for us; "The Shortest Distance Between You and a Published Book" written by Susan Page? (not sure?) This book is out of print but you can still order it through Amazon.com. It's an amazing book that proved to be a great help.

    Have a safe trip! Looking forward to hearing from you again...

    • Posted By: erlaia @ 02/18/2008 4:14:57 PM

      Comment: I have not fully read the book, but have read enough to know that it is a powerful and elegant document, one that reveals an intuitively effective process based on mutual trust between Karen and the the therapist. I am reading portions of it slowly, as some of the abuse information is intense, and runs parallel to my own experiences in some broadscope ways.

      I am inpressed with the selfcare that was taken in the integration of each part. Caring, respectful and loving. Powerful to read about....

  • Posted By: blink17 @ 02/08/2008 9:32:07 PM

    Comment: Dear Erlaia,

    I, too, think it's interesting to find someone else who has experienced physical changes. I appreciate your sharing. My entire healing journey lasted nearly eighteen years. I spent the first ten years of therapy with my alters. And after integration of all my alters I spent another eight years on "myself". My psychiatrist and I worked well together. Our relationship was built on trust and respect . Learning to live without my alters was somewhat of a challenge; emotionally, physically and spiritually. My own healing journey continues on...

    Erlaia, Have you ever considered writing your own book? or, Have you already written your own book? I find your written words very informative. I believe the research you've done for yourself would help many others. And I find the knowledge you've shared an assest to all those who have MPD/DID. Thank you.

    I'd be interested in reading your thoughts on Baer's book, my story. I am Karen.

    • Posted By: erlaia @ 02/11/2008 11:02:41 AM

      Comment: just a sidebar comment; I will be going out of town for about a week. I will be taking Baer's book with me, but I already know that I will find your story of healing to be wonderful and thought-provoking!

    • Posted By: erlaia @ 02/11/2008 9:34:34 AM

      Comment: It must have been an amazing level of trust to allow your therapist to write so openly about your therapeutic journey, and it also is a profound expression of your desire to reach out to others. I will read Baer's book with an informed sense, now, as I feel I know you via your thoughtful posts. Your being willing to allow Baer to write about you is an AMAZING gift!!!

    • Posted By: erlaia @ 02/11/2008 9:31:45 AM

      Comment: Thanks for the commentary. I am glad my comments help, and confirm some of your intuitively correct processes. And I am sure that you and your therapist have a trusting relationship, it would not be possible to do the profound work that you have done without that level of trust.

      I have thougth about writing a book, but my wife and I are in the process of writing a a book on the blend of traditional and complimentary tools and techniques that she has used for her healing from he ruptured brain aneurysm. That comes first. And, as we have discovered, writing the text is the easy part.. editing, outlineing, and sending off material to editors is a whole other challenge!

  • Posted By: blink17 @ 02/06/2008 9:25:58 PM

    Comment: I am very interested in your healing therapy. I've been seeing a chiropractor, well trained for these very same reasons. As each alter integrated, my physical body needed adjusting just as much as my emotional well being. I couldn't believe how often I had to correct my body posture. I am feeling great physically. except for a minor shoulder that freezes from time to time. However, it was an effort to become whole.

    Integrating all of my alters took quite awhile, over eighteen months and seventeen years of therapy. I was a mess. My child alters were each very unique and served an very important purpose in my healing. If anything, they brought life to me. And sometimes, even were entertaining in their childlike way. Isn't it amazing that you were able to be just who you needed to be when your wife needed you. I know this feeling. It happened to me quite often. It was how I managed to raise two wonderful children, one who served for our country in Iraq and another who is a full-time college student. People like us adapt quite well when confronted with any situation that warrants our need to be helpful. I believe MPD/DID is a complex coping mechanism.

    Regarding telling your story... I find your journey to be amazing. I've journaled and written my story eveyday for over twenty years, every word is documented. And all my memories have been consistant over the years. I can't change what happened, even though I wish I could. There was a time I needed to know for sure and asked many questions in a round about way to confirm what happened to me. I heard much more. And this stressed me. I accept my memories as true. Because my memories are all that I know. My memories are true to me. To this date my story never changed. Not once.

    Have you read "Switching Time"? by Richard Baer, author.

    • Posted By: erlaia @ 02/08/2008 4:06:36 PM

      Comment: Interesting that we both intuitively sought out the dynamics of physical interventionists as well as skilled talk therapists... I think it may be essential, perhaps, for that true blending together of personality components.

      my own healing journey with this therapist has been about twelve or thirteen years, and I have done my best work with her. Before that, I saw a rather traditional psychiatrist who really did not believe in the less dramatic forms of DID, even though he studied under Kluft at Pennsylvania! Before that, when I was in my early twenties, it was recommended that I undergo classic Freudian therapy, and I tried that for five years... Trauma therapy really had not yet been well defined as a sub-speciality within behavioral health care. That therapeutic journey probably kept me from being persistently suicidal, but really did not touch the core of my repressed memories.

      So, my own journey has been measured in decades....

      And you are right, DID is a brilliant coping mechanism that is designed to save the psyche from a certain kind of massive destruction due to trauma. I am glad I split when i was a child..... while pulling myself together in my adult life has not been easy, at least, I have my adult life with a sense of self.

      I haven't read Baer's book yet, but will be shortly.

  • Posted By: blink17 @ 02/05/2008 10:58:06 PM

    Comment: Thank you for sharing. I understand all that you've experienced. I can identify the differences that once separated myself from my ex-alters. I retained all their wonderful talents and unique qualities that made each alter who they were. I hadn't spoke of this to anyone. And I thank you for sharing this part of your journey. Although I feel the urge to do something like an alter once did, I seem to hold back. This has been somewhat frustrating to me because I'd like to experience certain things for myself. I have many memories that were "born" to me upon integration. Memories that I can claim as a "part" of me but never personally experienced.

    Erlaia, Have you integrated all of your alters? If not, how many alters are present at this time? I've been totally integrated for nearly ten years. I continue to grow spiritually. For me, telling my story was the ultimate healing experience. Through my writings and haven been written about, I've come to understand myself more than I ever imagined. My life continues to face new challenges every day. I still make mistakes but am doing my best and learning from them. I, too, look forward to a life I never thought possible. Emotionally I am stronger than ever.

    • Posted By: erlaia @ 02/06/2008 2:48:42 PM

      Comment: telling your story is critically important, although I have found that the story varies over time as I mature and reflect. There is even a shool of therapy called "narrative therapy" that uses writing as a core therapeutic tool!

    • Posted By: erlaia @ 02/06/2008 2:47:37 PM

      Comment: you are welcome; I think we all learn by sharing this unique coping process that we used to survive.

      I still have "kidparts", alters or parts who continue to hold memory and affect about some of my abuse history. As to how many, I don't really know. One surfaced recently, one I call "the Shy One", and he has thoughts and feelings about some of the abuse that he has kept silent about for decades. It is only recently that he felt confident enough of the "big guy" to release his feelings to me. we are working with EMDR and my therapist to delve deeply into the feelings; as we do so, my memory becomes clarified, and the emotions get processed.

      Most of the time I find that as I truly process a kidpart and his needs, that he "comes home"; his need for safety by separaton wanes, and he merges. So, the number shifts. At the moment, while I write this, there are about three or four kidparts that still carry some unresolved wounds.

      As for my adult alters, there were about 9 that played major roles, and another four or five that had ancillary roles. About five years ago, we had a major challenge in that my wife sustained a massive health reversal... and I needed to act in a swift and cogent way to support her. That led to the "adult alliance", an alliance of my adult alters that worked together closely. Over time, they simply became more and more close until "we" became "I".

      Part of my healing process has been to work with a somatic healer, a trained psychologist who does bodywork. With him, I have learned to "move back into my body" and enjoy living in it, and also learned about my ability to dissociate physically from parts or all of my body. Working in twqo-hour sessions with deep muscle work, I have learned to no longer reflect maladapted body postures that were evolved from my abuse.... and thus, my posture, stance, stride ---- all are improved, to the point that someone who had not seen me for a year wondered if I had gone to some kind of health spa! With this therapist, I have actively processed body memories and some flashbacks... and have, at times, entered his session with a kidpart in the forefront of my concerns... and with that, the work focuses on the embodiment of that alter, healing his physical pain and anxiety. This was a very dynamic process, one that I could not have embarked upon in my early years at all to say the least! But it has becme a fundamental part of my healing journey.

      My somatic worker consults with my trauma therapist about once a quarter, so that they are part of a team, not two independent therapists connected purely by my appointment book.

  • Posted By: blink17 @ 02/05/2008 12:56:16 AM

    Comment: Dear Erlaia
    I had no idea that there were other like-minded folks to share experiences with. I'm glad that you are able to share with them. I can understand the peer support would be strong....

    Do you miss the alters who integrated within you? Does the silence in your head sometimes feel as if you lost someone very important to you? There are times in which I wish I didn't integrate. I don't mean that integration was wrong, just that I miss the "idea" of having them back every now and then. Sometimes, when I'm feeling lonely, the silence in my head stresses me. And I have a hard time figuring out how to live my own life. Yet, my life is so much fuller than before. No more alter chaos. No more headaches. No more second guessing as to what I've been up to... Nevertheless, I do feel an unexplainable void every now and then. And this saddens me. It may take a lifetime for me to understand? The integration of all my alters was solid. Not
    one alter has returned. I am grateful for all they've done to help me survive. I "miss" them. However, I don't want them back.

    • Posted By: erlaia @ 02/05/2008 8:34:24 AM

      Comment: The feelngs that I felt when I realized that i had integrated my adult alters was simultaneously one of great sadness and great serenity,. The serenity is an emotion I can revisit, the sadness is beginning to fade. In truth, the rich characteristics of each of my alters is now present in the consolidated me. Perhaps not so easily defined, at times, but still there, and i can draw down on those skills that I used to identify as belonging to an alter.

      It is amazing to shift out of a coping tool that worked for decades for self-protection, and that change is, at times, challenging for me to adjust to. But, my shift was also permanent, and with that, I look forward to the doors that are now open for me.. emotionally speaking. I can think faster, there is far less internal dissention, I can configure decisions faster, and i can access my creativity and my wit faster. Before, I had to becon an alter to bring forth specific skillsets, and that was, at times, cumbersome.

  • Posted By: blink17 @ 01/24/2008 8:49:26 PM

    Comment: Yes, my journey was effective for me. I'm glad to hear you've created your own bonding relationships with others who are DID and/or suffered from some form of abuse. My therapeutic years were spent in "survivor" mode. Sometimes I think back and wonder what it would've been like to share with others like me. I'll never know. However, I am interested in communicating with others now.

    I'd like to hear more about how you felt when you realized you "blended" your alters? How did you know? What was different? I'm curuious because my alters operated out of my awareness. My '"feelings" od sadness came after each alter integrated and then again after all were integrated. There was a time a few alters shared time together but again, out of my awareness. I knew because their sharing time was causing me fatigue, stress and many depressed thoughts. At times I even felt suicidal. This is how I knew my alters were in chaos, recovering from this took a joint effort between, myself, my alters and my psychiatrist to re-gain control of my inner system. After a few times of the alters "sharing" time, the alters themself stopped the process. I felt better, the alters felt better and we regained a sense of calm.

    I'm curious about twelve-step programs... Do you have any difficulties maintaining this process? During the years my alters were active I couldn't focus on any one particular program and felt it was too ovewhelming to commit to a twelve-step program. How do your alters handle being a part of this?

    • Posted By: erlaia @ 02/04/2008 9:13:52 AM

      Comment: In the twelve-step progra that I attended, there were many likeminded folks, so I had the opportunity to share experiences. That helped me immeasurably. More important than the language of the steps was the peer support, which I found to be extremely useful.

      My alters merged of their own accord, and i became aware of it only after I became aware of the silence in my head. I began to experiment with trying to draw down one or another alter,a nd was unable to... so the blend was solid, by agreement, and consensual, after years of work on internal conflict management and internal self respect. I belive those were key in my process, frankly.

  • Posted By: blink17 @ 01/20/2008 10:37:26 PM

    Comment: You're right about each of our experiences being different. I never attended any MPD/DID support groups because I couldn't conceive many people sharing their stories about their lives and alternate personalities at the same time. The whole idea overwhelmed me. I feared that too much interference would cause alter distress. I believe, for me, less was more. My own system was complex enough. So, I ask? How does anyone share with many of the same? I tried to attend a few groups but quit out of fear of being misunderstood. I didn't know which group would best suit my needs and am glad my psychiatrist and I worked together and without any outside influence. My way may not be anyone else's choice but it worked well for me.

    Now, after integration, I can share my thoughts, feelings and experiences with others. My decision to heal in this way was my own personal choice, along with my alters. A very personal journey. I shared with very few trusted friends who accepted me unconditionally. My multiplicity was never an issue with them.

    I am curious though, how does one find the right support group? And does anyone know of any support groups for those of us who have been fully integrated? I would like to know more from those of you who've coped with integrating some and/or all of your alters.... How did integration feel to you? Were you afraid? Did you mourn afterwards? and for how long? Are you happy with your decision? And how are you functioning now?

    Please share.... Thank you!

    • Posted By: erlaia @ 01/23/2008 3:05:58 PM

      Comment: It sounds as if your healing journey is effective, which, after all, is the most critical issue.

      I don't think that it is easy to find a support group. To some extent, I have created my own, bonding with others who are DID, and who were abused in some extreme ways in our respective youths. My venue for that was Survivors of Incest Anonymous, a twelve-step program that focuses on healing from the effects of childhood sexual abuse.

      When I realised that I had "blended" my adult alters, I had a simultaneous set of feelings - one of profound serenity, and the other of deep sadness. A coping tool that had been an amazing survival tool had "gone away", and that felt sad. Still does, from time to time. The other feeling, one of serenity, has become a day to day feeling for me, one that creates a platform for my adult interactions and my adult sense of self.

  • Posted By: erlaia @ 01/16/2008 2:17:12 PM

    Comment: I would want to suggest that there is a model, called the Internal Family Systems model, that suggests that dissociation and "pats" are inherent to the human condition. With that understanding, I have let go of some of my complex feelings about being multiple.

    I have recently integrated many of the adult alters, but it was not a conscious decision as much as it was the byproduct of years of "conflict management" and internal self-care/self-respect. It is the internal self-respect and self-awareness that created the foundation for the kind of internal synergy of thought and feeling that led to a spontaneous form of, to quote my wife 'an economy of being'. I STILL have kidparts, some with memory yet to be processed, but even that feels different now.

    It was useful for me to share the process with other DID folks, (my wife included). Our experiences are always different, but rich and rewarding to talk about. Instrumental for me was a closed group that spun out of Survivors of Incest Anonymous, a group focused on survivors of torture and ritual abuse. It was in the freedom of those room where I could speak the unspeakable with peers, and just that alone was profoundly releasing........

  • Posted By: blink17 @ 01/15/2008 5:51:13 AM

    Comment: Hi to all,

    Integration, for me, was a necessity. My alters were in chaos, each alter wanted more and more time
    out. I was exhausted all the time, rarely sleeping, and not really "living" a life. I knew something needed to be
    done but had no idea as to what? And since I never read any stories of MPD/DID before, I was at a lost. It
    was one of my alters, an adult male, that came up with a plan to integrate. I believed at the time that if the desire to merge came from within myself, out of my awareness, then it was meant to be. No influence came from my psychiatrist. My alters made this decision as a group effort to heal me, after each one decided their
    reason for being separate was no longer helping me. After years of therapy my alters started to respect each
    other. It was at this time "we" started the processof becoming "whole".

    I've been integrated for nearly ten years now. I admit it was the hardest challenge of my life, merging all my alters into one. After each alter integrated I felt as though I had major surgery. I grieved, was in pain, both
    physically and emotionally. Then, after a few days I started to gain strength. My fragmented thoughts and memories started to make a picture. Almost like putting a puzzle together, each piece is needed to complete
    one picture. I never "lost" any of my alters through integration. I needed them all. I gained each alters memories, thoughts and an amazing peace of mind. Sure, sometimes I miss the individuality each one
    brought to my life but I continue to "feel" their presense in all I do. "We" became "One", nothing was lost. However, a life was gained.

    Integration may not be for everyone, it's an individual choice. My life improved. I admit, to still having difficult days and it's hard not to be "resued" from myself at times. Yet, all in all, my life is richer. Integration isn't a quick fix. It's a choice. My therapy didn't end after integration was complete. My therapy continued on for a few
    more years because I needed to deal with issues that came from becoming "one".and synthesizing the wealth of information I gained from each alter.

  • Posted By: AD21 @ 01/14/2008 6:55:29 PM

    Comment: Hi erelia, (and anyone else who wants to comment)

    Hope you had good holidays.

    I'm curious about what it's like to be integrated. How did it happen? Did you actively work on it ? What does that feel like? Did it feel like anyone disappeared, or was lost? Why did you do it? What was gained? What was lost?

    We might be strange here, but there's a lot of things about being multiple that we like. Each other, for one. We love each other. I think we take better care of each other than we might take care of ourself, if we were singleton. We like the richness of consciousness that comes from having so many 'beings,' female and male, kids, teens and adults- ascetic and focused, pleasure loving, soft and compassionate, strong and fierce, funny, silly, excitable, calm. We're afraid we might move toward some kind of "mediocre muddle" if we became one. We also really respect each other as beings, seperate consciousnesses, and can't imagine forcing anyone to integrate or disappear.

    At the same time, we just love sharing hearts with each other, knitting ourselves together, learning each other's perspectives being close. Sometimes we make composits (several of us joined), and sometimes we don't even know who is out, though we are co- and know what's going on. So maybe we are becoming (that evil word!) integrated???

    In therapy, we've been working on learning to live well together, on helping each other heal from the trauma, and on just "growing", emotionally and in personal effectiveness. We've decided that if integration happens naturally, and everybody's comfortable with it, that's great, but we're not going to force it. Luckily, our therapist has the same perspective.
    You're thoughts?

    -AD21

  • Posted By: AD21 @ 01/14/2008 6:30:18 PM

    Comment: Hi cindilin-

    Please keep looking- there is help and support out there. There are a number of Web message boards for multiple and/or dissociative people including Coping With Dissociative Identity Disorder at ezboard, and Dissociative Disorders, Living Multiple, and Amongst Ourselves, three sites at Yahoo Groups. Search for "Coping" by its name,. and the others at "Yahoo Groups."

    There are real-life support groups, like (Incest Survivors Anonymous, a 12-Step group) and support groups run by therapists. Keep your eyes open. Since I/we realized we're multiple, two and a half years ago, we've met six other multiple people! In person and over the phone, through support groups, therapy, and the Web. Four have become friends, of varying degrees of closeness. One, I swear is the best friend we've ever had. We help each other through a lot, and just as important, we enjoy each other's company.

    Disclosure of DID to other people is a very tricky question- because of the stereotypes and stigmas. People might be scared of you, or use it against you. I don't know if I'd ever reccommend 'coming out' at work. But careful,limited coming out has been very helpful to us, though sometimes quite painful, when we don't get the reactions we'd like. We have good co-consciousness, good internal love, support and co-operation, good 'people judgement', and are pretty independent-minded. All of which, we think, are important when "coming out.'

    Sorry if we got way off-track here. Our main point is, there are other multiple people you can talk to- especially on the message boards, where you can be anonymous.

    Good luck, and we're glad you have such a caring attitude toward your "other selves".

    -AD21

  • Posted By: blink17 @ 01/12/2008 9:02:51 PM

    Comment: During my therapeutic years I never knew anyone who suffered with MPD/DID. I never read any info nor reached out for outside help. I tried to hide my condition from everyone and this stressed me. My children were cared for by a few of my alters and my husband knew enough to aggravate my condition. He couldn't comprehend and this eventually led to our divorce. My ex-alters were amazing. Each alter was needed for me to survive. And each alter served an important purpose in my life. It was my alters choice to integrate within me, one at a time, and took over a year. Sometimes I miss the them but realize that they are all within me. I may be "whole" now but I still suffer from the affects that caused me to dissociate in the first place. I believe my system functioned well because all of my alters came to be, in order to help me. MPD/DID is a coping mechanism like no other. While being abused nearly every day as a child, my alters kept most of the trauma fragmented, out of my awareness, so that I could function as if nothing had happened. Sometimes, I question: If I hadn't dissociated would the abuse have stopped? Did having MPD/DID prolong an abusive life? I may never know yet think not. I believe my alters helped me to survive until I was able to deal with the reality of what happened to me. My abusers would've abused me no matter what. They were sick. And I survived in the best way my mind knew how, dissociation. Be patient. It takes a lifetime to heal. I may have integrated all seventeen of my alternate personalities but my journey continues on. For me, the pain never really went away completely, it just has less of an impact than it once did. I wish you well. I wish all of you well. Do the best you can each day and one day you'll start to feel the weight lift off your shoulders as I did. Just believe in yourself and remember how creative your mind is to develop MPD/DID. It takes intelligence to survive and cope with being abused in this way. At least, this is what I believe.

  • Posted By: cindilin @ 01/12/2008 12:40:48 PM

    Comment: Many thanks to Newsweek fof having the insight to adress MPD/DID. This is a subject that needs to be in the public eye so there can be more understanding on the subject. Thank you for your very public piece. I know there has to be so much more to your pain and your story. I am so sorry you had to endure all you did. That never should have happened to you. If you hadn't been abused there would be NO multiples! I am speaking as a survivor in the thick of recovery. I've uncovered 47 alters to date and there are more crying out, we just can't reach them yet . We will we have to, for they to deserve a place, a voice to be heard even if it is only but one time and by me. I feel a desperation to conect with someone like me who really understands and yet there is noone... I grasp at all the printed info that is out there. Currently there is very little so I thank you so very much from one survivor to another. I wish there were a way to connect. It's a very lonely road to travel even with all the voices inside. I am so very happy for you and your success! Sincerly, Cindilin

  • Posted By: blink17 @ 01/03/2008 11:18:25 PM

    Comment: Thanks, Erlaia! I am overwhelmed by the wealth of information you just posted. Although I've intefgrated all of my seventeen alternate personalities, my journey was difficult and lacked information on other cases. I never read any information on DID/MPD during my therapeutic years. All I could do was get through each day, one day at a time. I always felt "alone" with my "alters" and my psychiatrist. I've always wondered if there were other people who have suffered as I did. Now, after eighteen years I am finally interested in learning
    more... thank you for sparking an interest.

    • Posted By: erlaia @ 01/06/2008 1:13:53 AM

      Comment: You are most welcome! And congratulations to you for your profound work!

      Yep, you are not alone. There are many of us..... more, I suspect, than many think, given the gradiations of DID that are out there. I hope, as you read new material on this subject, that you will find validation for the very rich and powerful work you have done in your own healing journey.

      I do think that each of us walks a slightly different healing pathway, partially because of the unique aspects of this mental circumstance, and partly because of the lack of clinical knowledge, and even awareness, of DID and its aspects. I have also been lucky to work with a skilled trauma therapist, who helped me accept the nature of the diagnosis - then the real work began! By now, my adult persona is fairly well integrated, which allows the adult me to continue to reparent childparts that still retain memory and feeling about events in my past. It's a different position, and one that I live in knowing that I can be a good parent to myself... that by now, I have learned to respect and care for myself.

  • Posted By: blink17 @ 12/31/2007 7:55:33 AM

    Comment: Have you read the book this discussion originally started with? "Switching Time" by author, Richard Baer M.D.? If so, what did you think of "Karen's" story? Her story and therapy has been documented for a period of over sixteen years. Although there will always be skeptics, I found her story to be the closest, complete and only therapeutic journey written between doctor and patient. If you haven't read this book I encourage you to do so and give it to your colleague when finished. Is it really necessary for you to prove that this condition is real in order to believe those family members of yours who suffer from this? Accept them for who they are, this condition is real and will continue to affect many people. Maybe more research needs to be done? But for now, "Karen's" story, "Switching Time" is by far the closest book written to explain the life of a woman who was determined to survive MPD/DID in the best way she knew how, and with proper professionl help. If any story should be listed in the APA, DSM, it should be this one. According to the author's note there are over five thousands pages of documentation. Wouldn't it be great to understand this condition rather than find fault in the doctors who give this diagnosis and to those who truly suffer and are in need of help?
    Wishing you peace and understanding with your family members.

  • Posted By: patrickmc1 @ 12/28/2007 4:38:57 PM

    Comment: I have a colleague who informed me recently that there is no evidence that has ever proved anybody to have MPD/DID, that all cases have been debunked and nothing is listed by the APA, or in the DSM. I have had family members suffer from this and have a hard time accepting her Psych 101 answer. It is clear that this affects people and those around them. Is anybody aware of any medical journals, or cases that may be accessed to prove to her this is a real disorder that people have suffered?

    • Posted By: erlaia @ 01/03/2008 5:39:30 PM

      Comment: As for your colleague, unless she is interested in a real dialogue, why bother to convince her? The real focus is on developing your own understanding and awareness, to the degree that you wish to. I would suggest that folks with that level of black/white thinking will choose to remain functionally illiterate on the subject which they prolaim the most specific "awareness". The debate about DID rages long and deep, as the posting on this site amply demonstrates. However, for those of us whose lives have borne improvement by embracing the dianosis and working with the implications of it.

    • Posted By: erlaia @ 01/03/2008 5:36:21 PM

      Comment: I would elaborate and indiate that your colleague's summation is simplistic and naive, betraying, at best, an unwillingness to explore the issue. If you have dealt with it within the context of your family, you might find the Sidran Foundation's site to be of particular value, as it creates a bibliography of books that reference first hand experiences, as well as provides commentary on the role of the family and the value of family understanding.

      I confess that I was reluctant to accept my own diagnosis at first. It is simply that, by understanding the accuracy of the diagnosis, years of behavioral patterns became clear, and I began to be able to do the real, and fundamental work of therapy. The challenge of embracing the diagnosis is that by doing so, one acknowledges the nature and depth of the abuse that initiated DID as a skillful defensive mechanism.

    • Posted By: erlaia @ 01/03/2008 5:32:03 PM

      Comment: in addition to the reference to the article on "Karen's Story", I would note that the ISSD is a bibliographic resource. The Sidran Foundation provides ready access to the clinical literature on the subject, as it provides an easy sort mechanism to triage the books on the topic. Of particular interest may be the work of Putnam, Kluft and Courteois, all respected clinicians with a body of both theoretical and clinical experience. If you or your colleague wishes to explore the material, it is out there, and in today's age, it is rather easily accessible.

  • Posted By: blink17 @ 12/16/2007 12:54:46 PM

    Comment: Wishing all of you a Happy Holiday season.... I've been really amazed at all your comments and wanted all of you to know how much I've learned, through all of you, about survival. Since MPD/DID is the condition that I once suffered and have healed from, I've been living a life I never thought possible. After integrating all of my seventeen alternate personalities my life has changed. I continue to have some bad days but I am alive and well. And I am very grateful that my therapist never once gave up on me even when I constantly wanted to let go and give up on myself. Each and every one of us travels our own path to healing. My journey, although intense, came from having the support of very few who understood me. And I was fortunate to have a caring
    therapist who treated me with respect.

  • Posted By: AD21 @ 12/10/2007 7:37:32 PM

    Comment: Hi concerned,

    We're really happy we could be helpful- it made us cry a little bit reading your response! :-)

    I/we hope you have a great Christmas with your mom.

    If you're really interested in talking with your mom's therapist, and it's ok with everybody, you could try a phone conference (by speaker phone).

    Just a thought.

    Merry Christmas!

    -AD21

  • Posted By: concern @ 12/09/2007 4:30:25 PM

    Comment: Thank you all for your help. I may also refer my mother to this site. She is very open to me about it. At least it seems so by the amount of things she has told me in the last year or two. It has all became very real to me in the last few months. I thought before that she was just depressed and trying to work through the things of her childhood but now I see that its more complex. Thank you AD21 for your comments and advice. I am seeing more of them lately so I am thankful that you said that this is a sign of healing. I have yet had the chance to see or talk to Claire. My father has and my mother thinks she knows some of the things Claire has done like shopping for items for organizing and cleaning. But my mother is comming to visit for Christmas so maybe I will meet Claire. I guess it will take some getting used to for me. It would be hard for me to meet with her therapist because I live on the opposite coast as she does. I am nervous to meet Claire, not that she is scary in any way but because of my own insecurities I guess. I am so happy I happened to find this site. All of you were very helpful. My mother has told me alot of things that you have noted here. Its just a boost to hear it from others. Well, once again thank you. I will also check out the sites/info your have given me.

    • Posted By: erlaia @ 12/12/2007 2:25:49 PM

      Comment: I know any of us who have posted are willing do do so because you want to understand, and to help. I think you are doing some remarkable things, and I am not surprised that - as you approach your Mom with balance and clarity, that she is willing to be quite open with you.

      You may find that as you understand her DID better, and how it works, that things may actually be and feel more simple for you. Clarity and knowledge always help in that regard.

      Your mom is a remarkable woman to look into the memories and process that pain so that she can live a better and more comfortable life. many do not, preferring to continue lives in denial and dissociation in preference. You are remarkable for being willing to understand, to reach out, and to care. Best to you both.

      DID is mysterious at first, but the core concepts are actually very simple. Once you understand, I am sure your sense of comfort will increase markedly.

  • Posted By: blink17 @ 12/09/2007 11:34:10 AM

    Comment: This condition is real. I am real.

  • Posted By: suzy&crew @ 12/08/2007 12:35:41 AM

    Comment: HI AD21..there are many ways those of us with DId work..we have all gone through trauma that caused DID...the therapy seems to go along the same..but we are each different from some ways to other DID. I lose timer, while other people who are DID do not..some seem to find therapy goes smother then it does for others...studys show that anywhere from 1 %-7% of the population are DID..once again each one individual withDID are the same in many ways as we are all different in many ways..and at different points in therapy thus..different reactions etc..my psychatrist had a pscho educational grtoup for those of us with DID.there were 6 of us..alll at verying points in out healing journey..it was a great support system because one person may be struygling with something and another person have dealrt with that before could let those know hat worked for them etc...the fact that we wernt the only one helped us feel not so crazy.....a good site to look at is www.I.S.S.T.D.....they have info and other usefull loinks...the DID soursce book is also a good resource..I have it and got a copy for my family physician....some people are co-conscious with there alters,,others have no idea abut them..but people see them...hope this helps..just want you to know you are not alone and hang in there...

    • Posted By: erlaia @ 12/12/2007 2:28:55 PM

      Comment: I am part of a twelve step group that supports survivors of sexual abuse, and there I find any number of folks with DID, which does for me what your therapy group did for you - normalizes the experience, and allows one to look at it objectively and compassionately aat the same time. Another source is the Sidran Foundation website, which has an excellent bibliography on DID if you enter the right names into their site search engine.

  • Posted By: suzy&crew @ 12/08/2007 12:34:55 AM

    Comment: HI AD21..there are many ways those of us with DId work..we have all gone through trauma that caused DID...the therapy seems to go along the same..but we are each different from some ways to other DID. I lose timer, while other people who are DID do not..some seem to find therapy goes smother then it does for others...studys show that anywhere from 1 %-7% of the population are DID..once again each one individual withDID are the same in many ways as we are all different in many ways..and at different points in therapy thus..different reactions etc..my psychatrist had a pscho educational grtoup for those of us with DID.there were 6 of us..alll at verying points in out healing journey..it was a great support system because one person may be struygling with something and another person have dealrt with that before could let those know hat worked for them etc...the fact that we wernt the only one helped us feel not so crazy.....a good site to look at is www.I.S.S.T.D.....they have info and other usefull loinks...the DID soursce book is also a good resource..I have it and got a copy for my family physician....some people are co-conscious with there alters,,others have no idea abut them..but people see them...hope this helps..just want you to know you are not alone and hang in there...

  • Posted By: AD21 @ 12/06/2007 5:56:15 PM

    Comment: Hi erlaia-

    Despite what I/we said about labels, we are curious- is there a recognized form of DID that involves being very co-conscious? Our therapist calls us DID and we're clearly multiple, but we lose very little time- I mean like 30 minutes a month, maybe.

    Until almost 2 1/2 years ago, I thought I was a singleton. Then the others started showing up It seems that we "lost time" as a child, while the abuse was happening. Then everybody but me went underground- were essentially asleep for many years. When each woke up they immediately entered the circle of co-conscious alters (I include myself as an alter- we're all alters- and we're all each other). We kept thinking we knew everybody, but more kept showing up- obviously there were (quite possible still are) non-co alters, but it seems they were inactive.

    We also seem to be "DID lite." Meaning there's no question the journey is hard, but much easier than other multiple people I know. The explanation could be as simple as this- the abuse we're remembering is horrific enough, but not as bad as others'- and our abusers weren't family members.

    Just curious about what you think and know about this. How much of an anomaly are we? Are there others like us? (We're mostly not finding them.) Also if you could direct us to scientific research about DID- we've found a lot of good and useful "popular-level" information, but are curious about the science.

    Thanks. And hey, it's nice finally talking to you!

    -AD21

    • Posted By: erlaia @ 12/12/2007 2:21:54 PM

      Comment: Yes, I am diagnosed as DID by a skilled trauma therapist who doesn't sling the diagnosis around freely. I am coconscious, meaning I don't loose time (well, once, in college, when EVERYONE left and I was totally amnesiac for about six hours). Still, I have voices, dissention, internal conversations and conflict. For me, my therapeutic journey has been about conflict management and internal self respect as various parts became more comfortable in identifying htemselves and releasing memory content to me. By now, my adult persona is pretty tightly woven, with little distinction between what formerly were distinct adult alters. That frees me up to be more caring with the remaining kidparts who are still surfacing with pain about our abuse history...by now, I cand be a focused and caring adult with these wounded parts, which helps them release their memories and associated affect.

  • Posted By: erlaia @ 12/06/2007 8:12:17 AM

    Comment: And indeed, AD21 and I agree a lot. your mom is the same mom she always was. The difference is that her behavior, a brilliant response to childhood trauma, now has a label, and she is working diligently in therapy to resolve how to best handle herself in her adult life. And, AD21 is right that as your mother walks along her therapeutic journey, more alters are likely to emerge, and be identified. This is becase your mother's adult life is becoming increasingly more safe for her to reveal herself .

    AD21's description of what happens in therapy is very parallel to my own experience of internal discovery. And yep, therapy has a lot of ups and downs because, when it works, it creates a path to re-explore and process the memories and the emotions attached to those memories of abuse. Not easy, and not a task that many folks who were traumatized take on. Your mother is quite courageous to be willing to look at herself with honesty and candor.

    SAo, you have two folks who have walked the same path as your mother who share some very parallel thoughts. I hope this helps.

  • Posted By: AD21 @ 12/05/2007 11:54:04 PM

    Comment: Hi concerned-

    A few things come to mind in reading your posts. First is that your mom is still the same person(s) she was before her diagnosis- the same person you have known all your life. How many of your fears are about the diagnosis itself? That label is just so therapists have something to write on insurance forms! Seriously thought, the diagnosis is just a way of understanding and communication- a useful metaphor, a framework for scientific research, a tool for developing therapies. It doesn't change your mom. But therapy can be intense, involving a lot of ups and downs.

    Now that your mom is working in therapy, you may meet alters you haven't met before. At least, that's the way it worked with us- as we developed mutual understanding and co-operation, the "others" started coming to the surface and interacting with people- (and I swear most people don't even notice -they just think we're in a different mood, or goofing around.) Their being more present is part of our developing co-operation, skills sharing (they have given me a lot), an easy give-and -take. So if you start seeing more of your mom, it could be a very good sign.

    continued...

    • Posted By: concern @ 12/09/2007 4:32:52 PM

      Comment: I just wanted to give you a personal thank you. I appreciate your honestly and helpfulness. You even made me cry a little just to get it out of my system. Now I feel like I can move on. Much Thanks. God Bless.
      Concern

  • Posted By: AD21 @ 12/05/2007 11:53:02 PM

    Comment: Continued...

    Our second thought is that love and acceptance are vital- both inside and outside. We work best when we accept and love each other -all of each other. Now that's an internal job for your mom to do. But we love having friends who know we're multiple, and who talk to any and all of us. It makes a huge difference in our life -and you can help make that difference for your mom, which is really cool.

    I agree with erlaia- talking to Claire, and to your mom could be a great thing. But I/we agree- your job isn't to be her therapist, or (awful as this might sound) to try to make things turn out any particular way. Of course I don't mean just stand aside if your mom's in trouble, I mean that things like who is out, and whether integration of co-operation is the final goal, is up to them.

    Your mom might really appreciate your willingness to learn about her- people who "get it," or even are just accepting, can be hard to find. Unfortunately your mom might have to face disbelief or even bad treatment from other people if they find out she is multiple. That question of "coming out" -who to tell, why, what kind of reactions one might get- is something I think every multiple person has to face. (as do many other people who are "different" in some way)

    Talking to your mom's therapist could be a good idea. The only cautions I/we would make are not to pressure her about it, be totally willing to take "no" for an answer. And let her know that personal details of her therapy are totally private- you are only interested in learning how to be a better support person.

    Another agreement with erlia (we had a lot- :-) )- please take care of yourself. Dealing with DID can be hard! We're glad to see how much you care about your mom, and I'm sure she's glad too, but please don't burn yourself out over it.

    Thanks! (it makes us happy to see you care) And again, best of luck!

  • Posted By: erlaia @ 12/05/2007 1:39:14 PM

    Comment: Your mother's DID was a creative response to unremitting childhood trauma - her mind sheared off memories and the feelings attached to the memories in an effort to continue to live in her childhood setting. That dissociation undoubtedly saved her life and quite possibly her sanity when she was young. The challenge with DID is that the kind of non-coconscious dissociation that your mother evidences becomes something of a challenge in daily life as an adult. So, your mother is working with a therapist to proces sthe avffect associated with the original traumas, which then allows for increased communication between parts and then sets the stage for assimilation of those parts into her core persona. It sounds as if your mother is working hard and with some considerable success.

    I really would suggest, if you have the openness with your mother, to tell her that you want to learn more about how her mind works, a nd can she help you in that regard. If you ask it respectfullyy, she may wel lsurprise you with her candor. And to that end, a shared session with her therapist might be of real value for you in helping you to relax about the nature of the way her brain works.

    I really think you are remarkable for asking questions.... so give yourself some credit for your honesty and creativity!

  • Posted By: erlaia @ 12/05/2007 1:34:50 PM

    Comment: it sounds as if part of the challenge is your own acceptance of your mother's response to compelling childhood trauma. For that, you can go to the website that AD noted, and can also, via the Sidran Foundation, find books for family members that will help to demistify your mother's circumstance. In truth, each of the personality expressions that your mother has ARE normal, they don't appear normal - they are. In your mother, however, the shear lines between her personality facets are far, far more sharply drawn than in most.

    It also sounds as if your mother taking enormous strides towards healing with her therapist. the merging or assimilating of an alter is an indicator of increased internal communication and internal self-care.

    Your choice of who to tell and who not to tell is up to you and, of course, to your mother. However, most folks do freak at the concept, and their knowledge does not become helpful.

    And, I reiterate that, if your mother has established a successful liason with a therapist, it would not hurt for you to visit that therapist, with your mother's permission, of course. Perhaps one session could be spent with the three of you discussing what it means for her to have voices inside her head.... and it may help both you and your mother to normalize the circumstance. Posed right, your mother might welcome the opportunity to remove some of your fears.

    As for her creative persona, that is not surprising - many folks with DID are very creative and intensely bright, the very act of splitting being a creative one.

    Your feelings about your mother's DID are your feelings, and some of them are based in fear. That feeling of fearfulness is one that you are striving to address by asking questions on this site. Bravo! Continue to explore what it is that frightens you so about your mother's DID - look into the fear, rather than trying to dance around it.

    As for the strong alter that wants to be independently identified - I might suggest that you look closely at what scares you about Claire, even in a conversation with Claire. That might help you tremendously and it may make Claire a bit less self-conscious when she comes out. Another thought is, if you share a session with her therapist with your mother, to ask the therapist and your mother how to handle your feelings about Claire.

    As for trying to deal, I think you are very brave for asking questions, for seeking knowledge and understanding. You must be a wonderful daughter! Keep up the questions, keep up the exploration. If your mother is willing, much of that exploration may well be done with her as a participant.

  • Posted By: concern @ 12/05/2007 11:02:03 AM

    Comment: I don't want other people to treat her different. Another thing that is making me believe she is trully DID is that she has an artistic personality that is MUCH better than her. So the art therapy would probably just bring her out, I guess. She has always loved to paint and things but this personality can draw. She was never that good at that. I am battling with it I think maybe more than her. It scares me, and worries me. I'm not embarrased about it for her but am afraid of what some people may think of her and how she'll react. Mom's always been a little strong/sensitive. So I am always the peacemaker when she gets upset at one of my other siblings. They don't understand or except the disorder. I don't want to accept it but I do because to me its real. I want it to be fake but its not. Faking could just go away. This is going to take time. I don't think she nor my dad talk to them about it anymore. It just upsets her. I don't just focus on her but she's on my mind ALOT. I have a husband and son to take care of too. I have yet told my hub about this diagnosis. He knows she sensitive and everything but I don't want anyone to label her. She can seem normal even when she's in a personality. Except with Claire. I know this sounds bad but I don't want her to be Claire when she visits. I even told my mother how Claire bothers me. I think its because she wants to called Claire, and also my mother doesn't remember what Claire does. I even told my mother if I do talk to Claire I'll ask her to let me talk to mom. Mom doesn't of course know if thats possible. I may be doing it wrong because I sometimes ask in a joking way to not hurt her feelings. Tell me how to handle this. Am I wrong for feeling this way. Should I just embrace it all or what. I may ask for contact info for her therapist. Thank you for all your help. Please don't take anything I say to offense because its all new to me and I'm just trying to understand and deal with it the best I know how.

  • Posted By: concern @ 12/05/2007 11:01:22 AM

    Comment: WOW... Thank you all. I feel this DID was not induced by a therapist. She has had "odd" behavior, as I called it in the past, for a long time. She has always hated to be the center of attention even with a birthday party. She is seeing a therapist and I believe it may be her best one yet because she has delt with DID before. She is trying to merge the personalities and has made a couple disappear. The old lady in her has not come back and she new of this one and says she feels she has gone. Mom has kept it a secret for many years of hearing voices and being lost. Its like she talks to herself in her head. The way all this came to me believing is that my father came back from a 7month deployement. Before that I begged her in a non-begging way to come stay with me because she has had suicidal thoughts in the past and they are living currently around no family. She and I talk regularly almost everyday... maybe 3 days lapse at the most. She wanted to stay there with the help of her therapist. When he came back, the personality came out wanting to be called by her name. Claire is the only one that is concerned about being called Claire. The others could care less if you call them by Mom, her name, or their name. Claire seems to want to be herself and not my mom. She wants short hair so she puts on a wig.. My mother has always liked changing her styles and such but Claire only wears a short wig. Since the diagnosis she seems to be happier, she feels she's not "crazy" afterall. She just has coping skills that others do not. As a daughter and friend to her I want her to feel comfortable but to be honest I'd rather the personalities merge sooner than later.

  • Posted By: erlaia @ 12/04/2007 11:44:56 PM

    Comment: Obviously, I would be inclined to agree with AD21. I note that, although iatrogenic memories are possible, they are not the norm. Concern, does your mother have a therapist that she is actively working with? If so, it may be time to schedule an appointment with that therapist to discuss the complex changes that may occur when your father deploys and her world destabilizes a bit. That may also give you an opportunity to discuss your concerns and fears. The therapist may well, without breaking client/therapist privilege, be able to provide you with cogent support and commentary that will help you formulate a dir4ection.

    I too suggest speaking with your mother, talking with her about how she perceives her needs. Sometimes significant change galvanizes an internal community into greater coalesced activity and internal communication with less conflict and tension.

    I note the shift of diagnosis from MPD to DID is insignificant, but simply reflects the change of medical nomenclature. From the information you provide, it would seem that your mother is a non-coconscious multiple, meaning that at least some of her alters are unaware of thoughts and feelings sustained by other alters.

    Important in all of this is to set your own boundaries. You cannot afford to focus completely on your mother's needs; this is not healthy for you or, frankly, for her. As you develop an understanding of her behaviors, be clear about what you can handle and what you cannot, always being mindful of gentle language. However, it is possible to convey, in a caring fashion, your need for personal time and interpersonal boundaries.

    If your mother is not in active therapy with a skilled trauma therapist, your best commitment to her will be to seek to get her to establish such a liaison. A trauma therapist, skilled in understanding dissociative competencies can support her in ways that you, as a layperson, cannot and should not. In addition, if you can support your mother in developing internal communication skills, such as journaling or art therapy, this may help to extend and amplify the work of a skilled therapist.

    AD21 cites some excellent resources that may provide you with more information and, thus, understanding.

  • Posted By: AD21 @ 12/04/2007 10:05:01 PM

    Comment: Oops! Sorry concerned, in our post (below) we thought you were suggesting your mom move with your dad -assuming he was deployed someplace where she could. If you live in or near the same town, maybe she would want to move in with you. Or maybe (if possible) you could move in with her, letting her stay in her own house. Certainly, more support while he's gone sounds like a good thing, even if it's just calling often, dropping by to visit, etc.

    Again, best of luck to you and yours,

    -AD21

  • Posted By: AD21 @ 12/04/2007 9:16:25 PM

    Comment: Please, concerned, don't make decisions about your mother's mental health care based on the biased opinions of someone like induced, who has never met her. In my biased opinion, she could well have genuine DID. ;-)

    Meeting a new-to-you alter, (Claire) isn't in itself a reason for worry -if your mother doesn't have a pattern of hurting herself, I think she's unlikely to start now.

    How much do you talk to your mom? I'm asking this because a decision of whether to move or not sounds like something to discuss with her- I'm sure she has thoughts, feelings and ideas about it. Seems like there would be a lot of factors to think about, including how long is your dad going to be gone, and where is he going, how does your mom do in his absence, and what kind of social support system does she have in your home town. If she's got a good support system, and/or a good relationship with her therapist, moving could be a major disruption.

    There are lots of misconceptions and fears about DID, but also lots of sources of education. The web site "Coping with Dissociative Identity Disorder" has a links section, which connects with information for people who have loved ones with DID. There are also plenty of books out there (check your library), including one I've heard recommended- the Dissociative Identity Disorder Sourcebook. I haven't read it, so I can't make any personal comments on it- just heard it was worthwhile.

    There's also lots of reasons for hope. I/we (yeah, we're multiple) see DID therapy as a journey of healing . We think your mom has a great opportunity to heal and to learn new, happier and more effective ways to get along. For all of her to get along, because -they're all her. If your mom is multiple, all the alters (including ones you don't think of as "mom") make up the person who is her.

    We're glad you're supporting your mom- thanks! It could be of great value to her. Just a couple more things we thought of - DID can be an emotional roller-coaster, as strong emotions are held be different alters. Things can look worse than they are- so don't despair, or think any state of mind is final- "the way it's going to be." Also, due to severe trauma, people with DID can be very sensitive to rejection and emotional hurt. You can think of it as having "an emotional sunburn" -things that wouldn't hurt somebody else, can be extremely painful for someone recovering from trauma. So be gentle- and at the same time respect her as a whole adult person, not a "mental patient." Tall order, but quite possible!

    We're glad you care, and best of luck to you and your family.

    -AD21

  • Posted By: induced1 @ 12/04/2007 6:52:52 PM

    Comment: Just my opinion - you're in a bad situation that requires professional, non-biased review of your mother's mental health, diagnosis and previous treatment - including her history of therapies utilized and drugs prescribed. Iatrogenic, or therapy-induced DID/MPD is very likely. It's not an easy thing to come to terms with or 'walk away from'. If you do not intervene by seeking professional help to understand the situation, things can get far worse. (Note: Even induced DID becomes "real" - I don't doubt you have witnessed some very odd behaviors.) You will need help to understand how best to deal with your mom too.

  • Posted By: concern @ 12/04/2007 10:15:36 AM

    Comment: Ok... I sense some tense conversation in here but I'm going to try to comment. I need some info/advice if possible. My mother was diagnosed about 2 or 3 yrs ago with MPD and then changed to DID. I was unsure if I believed it or not until recently. I am a sceptic of lots of things and this was one. So for the past yrs of her depressions, and other things that were going on, memory loss, no knowledge of how she got places, waking up in her car and not knowing how she got there, getting lost while driving in her hometown where she grew up. All these things did not convince me of DID or MPD. I thought maybe she had some brain issues due to abuse in her past and it was now comming to. But now I have to say I am starting to believe she does have DID because of 1 particular situation. She came down with Shingles. Very painful. She couldn't even wear clothing. The pain was so bad she just wanted to lay in a bath all day. Impossible but she tried. She then one morning woke up, fully clothed, walking around picking up things, cleaning moving like there was no pain at all. My father asked her what she was doing out of concern and if the pain was gone. She asked what pain as if she had never had any. He asked her by her name "what about the Shingles?" and she lifted her shirt to look at her belly as he asked her and she hit and rubbed it showing no pain and asked my father to call her Claire. This was a 20 something year old Personality that felt no pain as far and my mother went. She went out to dinner and came home and slept when she woke, 15 minutes later she was my mother again and in pain worse than before. This concerns me. I am afraid she will hurt herself. She doesn't recall a bit of what happened. She knows of some of the personalities but not them all. Not Claire. Claire doesn't seem like she wants to hurt her but just wanted to prove that it didn't hurt. She is also a young boy 11 yrs old. My mother is 50. And when she is the boy she will forget to wear bras and wears a ball cap and wants to play basketball all the time. She ate a snickers for breakfast, very 11yr boy like. Should I be afraid? When my father deploys should I have her move with me instead of staying alone? Thanks for your help.

  • Posted By: katzz @ 12/03/2007 5:55:06 PM

    Comment: yes- I find this alarming, that does not however mean that D.I.D. does not exist...I hope you dont , mind me asking but what do you mean by... "Dialog is only enjoyed if it pertains to how complex 'their system' is or if 'they' have an opponent 'they' can textually conquer / out-bash, while avoiding the true substance behind this controversy."....Im not trieng to be ignorany here, just trying to clearly understand what you mean..
    thanks

  • Posted By: induced1 @ 12/03/2007 11:28:51 AM

    Comment: Dialog is only enjoyed if it pertains to how complex 'their system' is or if 'they' have an opponent 'they' can textually conquer / out-bash, while avoiding the true substance behind this controversy. Painfully lacking, are any responses to (a post that stated) ONE therapist had several dozen iatrogenic DID patients. How does a mental health care provider simply 'graze over' that sort of statement without addressing what was done with those induced DIDs? Does anyone else find this alarming?

  • Posted By: katzz @ 12/02/2007 8:25:29 PM

    Comment: I find it sad that in this day in age there are therapists who have used their position to abuse their trust with their clients and used methods to have the patient belive they have other personalities...its a lose, lose situation, .this not only harms their patients but also those of us who really do have D.I.D. from lifes experiances as a young child.....

  • Posted By: trevorg @ 12/02/2007 6:34:32 PM

    Comment: See what I mean Induced1, that's what brainwashing does to many iatrogenic individuals.

  • Posted By: induced1 @ 12/01/2007 2:23:46 PM

    Comment: This is a public blog - I direct my appreciation for opportunity to respectfully discuss the issues to all participants. I stated why I wished to revisit the questions regarding ???several dozen iatrogenic DID patients???- the implications of the single therapist???s comment is quite relevant to the incidence of IDID. That therapist took an active role in hostile exchanges here and did not ???go quiet??? until I posed questions regarding the legitimacy of her ???professional??? claims.

    If you would kindly post where I???ve stated ???all false memories are implanted by therapists??? and that ???all memories of abuse automatically result in a diagnosis of DID??? - I???d greatly appreciate it. If you???ve formed such defensive, sweeping assumptions from my comments, I suggest you read them again when you???re able to do so without making incorrect assumptions.

    While you defend your own DID (which I have not questioned), you dismiss all pertinent dialogue regarding iatrogenics. The therapist???s comment regarding personally having seen ???dozens of IDIDs??? is alarming. My questions are not hostile or accusatory. They are direct. I suspect true response to those questions would implicate probable therapeutic ???misadventure???, neglect or malpractice.

    • Posted By: erlaia @ 12/01/2007 7:31:28 PM

      Comment: really no more interested in dialogue than Claudette, simply marginally more courteous at the outset. Look at your language, it is broadscope and sweeping in its assumptions. You and Claudette now can retreat to your corners, comfortable in the knowledge that you have achieved an absolute aridity of communication. As for me, I'm truly done with it, this is pointless.

  • Posted By: induced1 @ 12/01/2007 11:16:01 AM

    Comment: I appreciate offers of contemplative, respectful discussion. Here is what I'd like to revisit. I am cutting and pasting to save time, but remain very concerned about the scary implications of a previous reply posted by 'Choonzer' regarding the number of iatrogenic patients she states she has encountered. If ONE therapist treats or finds dozens - consider the enormous volume of these IDID patients...

    "Iatrogenic DID certainly occurs, as you apparently can attest, and I've seen a fair number of what I believed to be those as well. But I haven't seen all that many, maybe a couple dozen"

    During your own years as a mental health professional, 'ONLY' a few DOZEN cases of therapy-induced DID? How did you handle these 'discoveries'? Where did you direct them to go for help in removing the false memories of abuse that their own therapy implanted? Might this part of your history be important to post here with your other assertions? Wouldn't that be far more beneficial to any abuse victim who is interested in understanding how memory works and making an informed decision regarding their therapy options?

    One must seriously contemplate what these (questionable) observations indicate regarding the origin of DID, and what the (unanswered) questions mean to DID patients currently in treatment and how that relates to the large volumes of iatrogenic DID patients and false memory syndrome incidence.

    • Posted By: erlaia @ 12/01/2007 12:19:42 PM

      Comment: I note that if you appreciate the offer from me of contemplative respectful discussion, it would be useful to start with directing that discussion to me, who is not