Inside Karen’s Crowded Mind

I have a dear friend who had DID/MPD. I say had because she has been able to reintegrate in many ways. While she has her memories and doesn't dissociate any more she can see where the "moods" come from. Alters no longer take over and do unremembered things but she does go into the moods formerly associated with the alters. It is similar now to how most people have moods, sometimes influenced by things that happened in our lives. This was achieved via spiritual work methods and took years of effort. In working with her in this way I gained insight into my mother who was previously diagnosed as psychotic and very weird. In knowing a person with MPD very closely and deeply I can see the same things in my mother who was abused and all that. If she were also an MPD person then that would explain all the weirdness and unexplainable things.

rBasic Information on Dissociative Identity Disorder with sections on Basic Information on DID from the DSM-IV-TR, The History of DID/MPD, Diagnosing DID, Responses to those that state that DID is iatrogenic or a social construct, MPD/DID connection to severe abuse, Recent infomation and DID resources
http://members.aol.com/smartnews/Dissociative-Identity-Disorder.htm

Recovered Memory Data with information on recovered memory corroboration, theories on recovered memory, legal information, physiological evidencefor memory suppression, replies to skeptics and books and articles onmemory. http://members.aol.com/smartnews/recovered_memory_data.htm

Satanic Ritual Abuse evidence with information on McMartin Preschool case
http://members.aol.com/smartnews/SRA_references_list.htm

The McMartin Preschool Case - What Really Happened and the Coverup
http://members.aol.com/smartnews/McMartin_Preschool_Case.htm

The Etymological Antecedents of and Scientific Evidence for the Existence of Dissociative Identity Disorder
http://members.aol.com/smartnews/did_proof.html

The Diagnosis and Assessment of Dissociative Identity Disorder
http://members.aol.com/smartnews/did_diagnosis.html

where can i find out about this book? The Grandmother said her granddaughter knows when her other personality is coming, exspecially the angryone with noname, n that this g.daughter named them all.we think she is lieing big time,cuz we told are hostess Dr. who we were, he introduced us to her....so like do yas,ore any1 have a onest answer??????'s

???????????,s I was diagnosed in 1991, to this day they never have intergraded. n I as me feels like my dr. just doesn't know how too tell any of us,he has no ideas on how too help any one of us, in cluding myself.I am so sick n tired of going too bed, n waking up some where else,or waking up with cuts, n bruises all over. My head hurtz, n LIfehurtz a lot....

Dear Emilylonelygirl and Madrisa and to all,

Thank you, for your comments. I've justed started answering questions on my own "Ask Karen" blog on our website, www.switchingtime.com. Would love to hear from you!

Karen Overhill
"Switching Time"

I'm married to a multiple and she's made a lot of progress after 3 years of therapy (which unfortunately ended badly when the therapist crossed boundaries). I loved the book and it gave me some new insights into the integration process -- my partner has integrated 2 out of about 70 so far. I'm so glad that Karen wanted her story told and Dr. Baer wanted to tell it. Thank you very much.
Madrisa

Karen and all,
I was saddened when I learned how intense this therapy would become, but I think I can see that it will all be worth it. I too have done a ton of research for myself because I didn't find a lot of information beyond the typical diagnostic criteria and journals online. But few other than personal blogs with first-person information. Since I am a researcher in "real life", I tried to present the more technical and medical information in easier-to-understand terms. Since then, I started sharing it online for people who also might be interested and have gotten a good response - which helps me in my own therapy.

I am also considering writing a book about all this when I get further along in the therapy, or perhaps when/if I integrate. And I think I will integrate. If you are interested in the information I have shared with others, visit me here:

http://emilyfirstgirl.wordpress.com/

Good luck on your journeys!

Emily
.

I'm glad to hear you're reading "Switching Time" slowly. My journey to heal took over eighteen years, and continues on. Each day brings on a new challenge. I continue to have a difficult day now and then, but it's less in duration. When I decided to share my story, I felt it would help those who've been through similar trauma to know that it is possible to heal. Being abused two to three times a week over a thirteen plus year period of time was more than anyone could endure. For me, there was no other way to survive without dissociation. I lost time, for days, months and even a few years at one time. We all cope in our own way. Yet, we all experience similarities that make us unique as individuals. MPD/DID is a coping mechanism without a blueprint. No two cases are unlike.

I never thought of my journey as systematic. It never appeared to be? However, integrating the alters, to me, was more of a need to survive in a disciplined way. My alters were not perfect and it took many, many years to get them all on the same page in order to integrate. A tedious process that worked for my alters, my pyschiatrist and I.

I am interested in your process, too. We all take risks when dealing with DID. And it's about time some of us can come to understand what it's like to try to survive in this world, through our eyes. I appreciate your sharing with me. Never a day goes by that we can all learn something new...

Take time in reading, you have all the time in the world. I wish you well. K

I would want to suggest that there is a model, called the Internal Family Systems model, that suggests that dissociation and "pats" are inherent to the human condition. With that understanding, I have let go of some of my complex feelings about being multiple.

I have recently integrated many of the adult alters, but it was not a conscious decision as much as it was the byproduct of years of "conflict management" and internal self-care/self-respect. It is the internal self-respect and self-awareness that created the foundation for the kind of internal synergy of thought and feeling that led to a spontaneous form of, to quote my wife 'an economy of being'. I STILL have kidparts, some with memory yet to be processed, but even that feels different now.

It was useful for me to share the process with other DID folks, (my wife included). Our experiences are always different, but rich and rewarding to talk about. Instrumental for me was a closed group that spun out of Survivors of Incest Anonymous, a group focused on survivors of torture and ritual abuse. It was in the freedom of those room where I could speak the unspeakable with peers, and just that alone was profoundly releasing........

Hi to all,

Integration, for me, was a necessity. My alters were in chaos, each alter wanted more and more time
out. I was exhausted all the time, rarely sleeping, and not really "living" a life. I knew something needed to be
done but had no idea as to what? And since I never read any stories of MPD/DID before, I was at a lost. It
was one of my alters, an adult male, that came up with a plan to integrate. I believed at the time that if the desire to merge came from within myself, out of my awareness, then it was meant to be. No influence came from my psychiatrist. My alters made this decision as a group effort to heal me, after each one decided their
reason for being separate was no longer helping me. After years of therapy my alters started to respect each
other. It was at this time "we" started the processof becoming "whole".

I've been integrated for nearly ten years now. I admit it was the hardest challenge of my life, merging all my alters into one. After each alter integrated I felt as though I had major surgery. I grieved, was in pain, both
physically and emotionally. Then, after a few days I started to gain strength. My fragmented thoughts and memories started to make a picture. Almost like putting a puzzle together, each piece is needed to complete
one picture. I never "lost" any of my alters through integration. I needed them all. I gained each alters memories, thoughts and an amazing peace of mind. Sure, sometimes I miss the individuality each one
brought to my life but I continue to "feel" their presense in all I do. "We" became "One", nothing was lost. However, a life was gained.

Integration may not be for everyone, it's an individual choice. My life improved. I admit, to still having difficult days and it's hard not to be "resued" from myself at times. Yet, all in all, my life is richer. Integration isn't a quick fix. It's a choice. My therapy didn't end after integration was complete. My therapy continued on for a few
more years because I needed to deal with issues that came from becoming "one".and synthesizing the wealth of information I gained from each alter.

Hi erelia, (and anyone else who wants to comment)

Hope you had good holidays.

I'm curious about what it's like to be integrated. How did it happen? Did you actively work on it ? What does that feel like? Did it feel like anyone disappeared, or was lost? Why did you do it? What was gained? What was lost?

We might be strange here, but there's a lot of things about being multiple that we like. Each other, for one. We love each other. I think we take better care of each other than we might take care of ourself, if we were singleton. We like the richness of consciousness that comes from having so many 'beings,' female and male, kids, teens and adults- ascetic and focused, pleasure loving, soft and compassionate, strong and fierce, funny, silly, excitable, calm. We're afraid we might move toward some kind of "mediocre muddle" if we became one. We also really respect each other as beings, seperate consciousnesses, and can't imagine forcing anyone to integrate or disappear.

At the same time, we just love sharing hearts with each other, knitting ourselves together, learning each other's perspectives being close. Sometimes we make composits (several of us joined), and sometimes we don't even know who is out, though we are co- and know what's going on. So maybe we are becoming (that evil word!) integrated???

In therapy, we've been working on learning to live well together, on helping each other heal from the trauma, and on just "growing", emotionally and in personal effectiveness. We've decided that if integration happens naturally, and everybody's comfortable with it, that's great, but we're not going to force it. Luckily, our therapist has the same perspective.
You're thoughts?

-AD21