MY TURN

Baby, I Can Wash My Car

I wanted the divorce, but learning to live without my husband has been harder than I expected.

NEWSWEEK
From the magazine issue dated Oct 29, 2007

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  • Posted By: stephpadovano @ 10/29/2007 3:33:35 PM

    Dear Rebecca Lavoie, I read your column in yesterday's Monitor and it was so funny, sort of like how Erma Bombeck would write. I'm glad your article made it into Newsweek. I think nasty comments by others just show jealously. Remember the episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond": where Ray Romano got upset with a co-worker whose article made it into Sports Illustrated, something that Ray could never accomplish? Don't bother reading nasty remarks and non-constructive criticism. You have a thicker skin than I do, that's for sure. I'm very sorry that your marriage between you and your husband could not be saved, but your article in Newsweek took a tragic situation and made it witty and humorous, like the old saying: "When life hands you lemons, then make lemonade. Sincerely, Stephanie in Bow.

    • Posted By: millennia @ 10/29/2007 3:56:36 PM

      Stephanie,

      Although I would agree with you that it is in an Erma Bombeck style of sorts, to use this experience as even self deprecating humor is tasteless.

      I do see jealousy in one of the writers below who criticizes Concord Monitor writersl. My observation of this article was that it was an opportunistic attempt to parlay a circumstance into a chance for a literary career.

      Real life is not Everybody Loves Raymond but real life is tragic circumstances that scar children and if two people can really not get along and both agree that there is absolutely no hope; so be it...divorce. After doing some research on the internet and looking at Rebecca in several circumstances, he decision do divorce may or may not be the correct one...but...it she seems like the 19 year old who got married and all of a sudden at 37 decides that she never had her fun and experienced life. There is nothing wrong with that but there are two children involved and to divorce for the choices that you have made and for 'self awareness' of for your selfish needs or desires is despicable.

      We will never know, but, she will have to live with her life choice for the rest of her life and regardless of divorce; you are linked with the other person for the rest of your life and those children will be scarred. I have seen this too many times. Her non chalant attitude was unbelievable.

      Maybe the headline should read: "Baby your on your own now, no one to wash your car or sacrifice anything for you; hope you can priovide as stable a life for your kids as you had line up already." The old saying: ' A bird in the hand is worth two in the bushes', applies here.

      If her husband was abusive, that would be one thing. If this is truly a self motivated move; the article was all telling.

      • Posted By: Working Writer @ 11/02/2007 10:23:41 PM

        Millenia, You don't see jealousy. You see an honest appraisal by a lifelong Monitor reader, former Monitor editor, and successful freelance writer and editor who, for better or worse is a member of the extended dysfunctional family of editors that backfilled the Sunday Monitor' with too many column inches of self-conscious, embarrassing prose by writers working out their kinks on an often frustrated readership. :)

        • Posted By: millennia @ 11/09/2007 4:36:56 PM

          Working Writer..If you are referring to Katy Burns, the "witz" twins and even Mike Pride, I would agree. None seem to be very good writers.

          What can they do? They obviously can't hire real talent and the addition of the latest editor has been a disaster. They hire kids right out of UNH and make them journalists.

          I am a professional writer (not in journalism; technical and operational business writing) and I have a difficult time reading the Monitor so called "talent".

          Sorry to imply jealousy; I understand your point and I agree with your assessment. Rebecca is an OK writer but she should find employment elsewhere. One article in Newsweek means nothing; expecilly one that shows the shallowness of her viewpoints. Again, I see your point now!

    • Posted By: stephpadovano @ 10/31/2007 1:49:38 PM

      Well, I still think the original story in Newsweek, which I never usually read in general was funny. And the column she wrote in the Monitor entitled, "I am Scum" was funny too. Personally, my life as a Catholic Italian-American from NYC, I can tell you honestly that "Everybody Loves Raymond" IS my life and that's why I was so upset when Mr. Romano cancelled it when there was still good material to mine and why it's so funny to me still. If it matters to anyone, I can't stand either the Democrat or the Republican party so I'm forced to be an "Independent", which doesn't really cover me at all, but that's my only choice in NH. I have never been married but I know how tragic it is for ALL parties especially the children, because it's happened in my own extended family. And I'm a practicing/pious/regular, whatever that means to you, Roman Catholic who reads and applies the BIble to my own life, and is trying to practice what I preach, so I know ideally a marriage should be forever but their are circumstances where it just can't be worked out either by marriage counseling or talking to your local priest, which is why the RCC grants so many Americans annulments, after they get civilly divorced, because it's the best the RCC can do in a bad situation. And, as I think it was "Baretta", who used to say: "Dat's the name a dat tune." Sincerely, Steph.

  • Posted By: westsidecougar1 @ 11/03/2007 10:08:21 PM

    This article is very sad. What continues to come to mind for me is this: marriage is very tough. Get over it...and work out your differences! Sit down and eat breakfast together every morning. Wash the cars together! Talk. I've been married 23 years now. This will be my only marriage. It is not easy...but neither I or anyone has a right to bring children into this world and then not make their marriage work. Suck up your pride and work things out. Sometimes the hole you've dug yourself into is very deep, but slowly you can make it work. Sometimes it takes professional help, so get that if necessary. Again, no one has the right to bring children into this world and then bag out on a tough marriage*.

    * I acknowledge that some marriages involve physical abuse or a spouse that has no interest in working things out. I would certainly make an exception in these cases.

    • Posted By: millennia @ 11/08/2007 7:21:14 PM

      Great points and all are vaild. There are times when professional help will prove to be helpful but it takes will on both parts to make that happen.

      In Rebecca's case, as internet research and other sources kind of reveal, this is more a choice about "her" needs rather than the needs of others.

      I was married to a woman with whom I had a child and I was unhappy. My view was that I would stay there for the child and make the best of it no matter what and mask that for the benefit of the child. I did not want my child to grow up in a broken home.

      We decided to go to counseling when she revealed that she could not live with me because I worked too much and was career driven. I was willing to give that up (my career) for my child but she insisted on counseling.

      We met with a counselor and she proceeded to go on and on about everything that was wrong with me. I then had my turn and at the end of the second meeting with the counselor, she said: "I think that your husband has valid points". My ex-wife informed me the next day that counseling would not work, she just wanted out. I asked her about our child and she stated: "I am only 35 and I have my whole life before me, I want to experience other men and I want a career, etc." None of these things were ever mentioned during our entire marraige.

      I have lived apart from my child for nearly 14 years and she has definitely been scarred by this experience and it has definitely changed her life in many ways. My ex-wife thinks that assessment is silly. Her view of the entire situation is selfish and all about "her". Like Rebecca, she took a selfish approach and put her life above her children's.

      Today I am married to a wonderful woman and we have two beautiful children. Our home is filled with love and hugs, etc. We have our disagreements and issues but we are MATURE enough to make sure that work things out and we have the same goals and an understanding that those children are more important than our egos and our personal desires and goals. Once you have children, you are responsible for other lives and to take things as lightly as Ms. Lavoie shows true selfishness.

      I would agree with your physical abuse comment as well. I am sure that is not the case with Rebecca.

  • Posted By: mstrmarcus @ 11/02/2007 5:49:59 PM

    i'm not going to belabor this, but she says they are both now scared of survival in the future, they got kids they were apparently both good spouses and parents, he washed the cars, emptied the litter box. The US economy doesn't look so hot, neither does the world. Sometimes I just can't see what it is pople expect marriage to be. The scars from divorce are permanent for everybody, its less of a solution, than plain roll up your sleves hard work at making a marriage happen year after year. You want safety and security- stick with that husband or wife, unless there is a really, really compelling reason to do something else. If they can live under the same roof, they should try eating at the same table, watching tv together, who knows they could even end up back in bed together, and wouldn't that be great. Amen.

    • Posted By: millennia @ 11/03/2007 12:12:30 AM

      Well written! You are absolutely correct. Her reasons seem frivilous and your point that you can't understand what it is that people expect marraige to be is right on the mark.

      I still can't get over the fact that she uses this tragedy and gets a charge out of being in Newsweek. I feel for the kids and the husband.

      My guess is that someone else interests her. What people don't realize is that marraiges go through these ups and downs of feeling disconnected followed by a rekindling of passion.

      I am surprised that she has not responded her again on either of these blogs...that is telling as well. I guess it is no one's business but Rebecca made it everyones business.

  • Posted By: millennia @ 11/01/2007 2:01:54 PM

    That goes without saying.....he is truly lucky that he dodged this bullet...well...sort of. Now comes financial support for many, many years to come while Rebecca gets to pursue her fantasies and find herself.

  • Posted By: millennia @ 11/01/2007 2:01:51 PM

    That goes without saying.....he is truly lucky that he dodged this bullet...well...sort of. Now comes financial support for many, many years to come while Rebecca gets to pursue her fantasies and find herself.

  • Posted By: centjaydee @ 11/01/2007 12:44:11 AM

    Congratulations to your husband on the divorce!

  • Posted By: PatsPhan @ 10/25/2007 8:06:32 AM

    I can see that all of you judgmental, "marriage is sacred" types totally missed the point of this essay. It's not about the author's two children. It's about the little things that trigger a self-realization about where you are in life and the things you (possibly) took for granted. It's about going from being a part of something larger than yourself back to being *by yourself.* Yes, there are children involved...but ANY parent has an identity beyond that of "Johnny's Mom" or "Sally's Dad." Those of you judging and crucifying this woman based on a 900 word essay are pathetic with your platitudes and "sacred human endeavor" commentary. Divorce sets off a flood of odd emotions sometime, which I'm sure some of you casting stones would know nothing about.

    • Posted By: dogman @ 10/25/2007 11:09:57 AM

      See Ted Thomas below done in less than 300 words. And the self realization should probably of come before, during, or after the "I want a divorce" statement. However, I did see someone else's point on the surreal state of shock or grief which Lavoie might of been feeling which, of course, 'slows time' so to speak. But didn't Lavoie say she wasn't going for that. It was simply a by product of her writing execise.

      • Posted By: PatsPhan @ 10/25/2007 4:48:10 PM

        How do you know it didn't? You're jumping to a conclusion based on your own moral compass which you see fit to project upon the rest of us. Do you really need her to break down every sentence to that Nth degree to understand her meaning? I understood what she was talking about just from reading the article. Your failure to get her message is not a character flaw on the part of Ms. Lavoie. I don't think that's anywhere near fair. (And...regarding Mr. Thomas' comments below, while well written, I'm not religious so I really don't share that particular view point.)

        • Posted By: millennia @ 10/30/2007 7:55:52 AM

          Oh yes, morality is relative as is life and sex and cheating and many other things that people resent faith from having any moral compass on. Imagine a world without the ten commandments...it would look more like Islam. OOOOH! that is not fair either, how intolerant of me and of the rest of the people on here that we try to do the right things and have some moral grounding.

          Basically this is,a mid thirthies crisis of me...me...me, which, if we judge we are going to be accused of being intolerant, hard hearted, fundamentalist, etc, People of no faith in something bigger are pompous in their belief that they are a better judge of what is or is not moral. In reality, they feel that they know better and don't like the fact that morals may stand in their way of pleasuring themselves.

          Your arguments solve nothing and amount to SO????? SO????? Must be a partisan on the Left!!

          The real issue here and the point that got to me was the last line of her Concord Monitor column which stated something to the effect that she did not care what people thought, just that Newsweek liked it. It is quite evident that she is using a tragic set of events that could have a lifelong impact on two small children to further her writing aspirations,

          Look on the Grassroots and Granite website and you will see the ego of Rebecca. Her blog profile states that her two young boys are going to register to be Democrats as soon as they are able to. Who puts their children in a circumstance like that?

          In the eighties this attitude was very prevalent to just pack up and leave to fulfill your personal needs, I can't believe that it still exists in 2007. Self service and shallow aspirations always yield the saying: "what goes around...comes around" , relevant. I hope that this will prove true in Rebecca's case as well.

  • Posted By: dogman @ 10/21/2007 1:55:21 PM

    Enter Your Comment

    • Posted By: talvarez @ 10/23/2007 7:24:51 AM

      She doesnt have a job and she noticed the car is dirty ? She will only transfer her dependence on her EX husband now to a finacial point. He will be forced to go into poverty to sustain his EX wifes life style. She has already been informed of this by her lawyer, thus the only worry is a dirty car.

      • Posted By: millennia @ 10/29/2007 11:25:40 AM

        BINGO....I believe if I recall correctly, child support is 35% of your GROSS wages in NH along with other rules. I can't say for sure but if she has not worked for while some alimony will come into play as well. Figure that about $1500-$2000 per month is in line as income...plus alimony or any other arrangement like insurances, etc.

        Don't get me wrong, it is the right thing to do to take care of your children but as an experience EX with one child, child support is not always used for the children. Hopefully, they were amicable and she settled for less so that they both can afford her choice to become divorced. In NH, men have no fair chance with visitation or with affording to live comfortably; many work two jobs.

        I have an OK relationship with my EX and have never missed a payment but the couple of times when I was a few days late....the threats started. She also tracks every penny I spend and lets me know if I am not on track with buying clothes, etc. It is a really cold and imprisoned feeling.

        I hope her husband fairs better.

  • Posted By: Rebecca Lavoie @ 10/23/2007 1:01:03 PM

    Hey, all. As the author of this column, I have found your commentary interesting, to say the least.
    I am not nonchalant about my divorce, nor am I preoccupied with the state of the cleanliness of my car. To write about sordid details, paintful realizations, and the impact on my family would have been tedious, overly personal, and probably a far more self-indulgent snoozefest than this essay. This is an observational piece where I cast myself as a character in a moment, and expanded on that moment as a reflection of my feelings on that day.
    Needless to say, one can't possibly know what happens in other people's lives based on 900 words, or judge the reasoning, maturity, or attitude of the author.
    I intended to write something light about a very difficult situation, and I stand by my piece as an ironic commentary on a very complex situation.
    But I am glad I incited discussion here, as it is obviously a topic many of you feel strongly about. That is, after all, the reason we writers write anything at all.
    Take care.
    Rebecca

    • Posted By: millennia @ 10/28/2007 8:29:05 PM

      I am at heart a researcher. Note my comments above. Although there are times that we all need to divorce, etc. those are personal choices. To emote in this way and get the charge out of being given a MY TURN column in Newsweek came across as self serving in today's Monitor.

      This ALWAYS causes issues with the children. I do not know the facts and could care less but this seems like you trying to find yourself...a typical behavior. I have done a search for you on line to learn more about you and I have come to my own instinctual conclusions: 34, felling like you are getting behind the 8 ball raising kids, finding outside activities stimulating and perhaps meeting people more in tune with your esoteric interests and torn between the traditional rold of wife and mother and nouveau feminism.

      In the then it is about the children. After reading your blog on Bill Richardson it speaks volumes to your motivations and non-chalant attitude. You are not 'scum', but I think that your emotions and reaction to this situation has not really hit you yet. I wish you luck and maybe you should grow up a bit and out of this stage that you have fallen into..like I said above, hurry up...life is short.

      I hope that you and your husband will be able to stop the scarring of the young ones.

    • Posted By: TedThomas @ 10/23/2007 9:18:29 PM

      Mark 10:6 But at the beginning of creation God `made them male and female.' 7 `For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

      Ms. Lavoie:
      1. Who does your marriage belong to?
      2. Utilitarian divorce ("it's just not working") is a way of giving everyone important in your life permission to "divorce" you for the rest of your life. If you doubt, try this: look at yourself in the mirror and say, "Sons of mine, I gave myself permission to divorce your dad because of [insert list]. You, however, may never do that to me..."
      3. Imagine yourself standing on the outside edge of the roof of a 12 story office building. Close your eyes, and lean ever so slightly forward. Can you feel it? That fear you imagine would be for your benefit. Now imagine doing this every day for a month; gradually, the fear would fade. Are you in any less danger?

      "Divorcing" is habit forming. One day a wind gust will hit you from behind and ...

      Marriage that lasts isn't just hard, it's impossible. Your impending divorce, therefore, is an opportunity to find the joy you long for by meeting the One who sends the wind... and transforms the heart.

      • Posted By: dogman @ 10/24/2007 2:44:55 PM

        Wow, deep and meaningful comment. This is worthy of shut a profound topic like marriage. Damn, now, if I can just divorce myself from utilitarian habits and walk the walk. Thank you.

        • Posted By: vyolentz @ 10/25/2007 3:46:22 PM

          your bible knowledge is also not meant to be held against somebody by lambasting them with holy insults. a true believer of God would feel sorry for and try to educate anyone in a bad position. emmulate Jesus, don't insult him. He would have shown love and compassion in this situation, not benevolence and hatred. Judgment is reserved for Him, not you.

    • Posted By: dogman @ 10/24/2007 2:40:15 PM

      So that's it. You are simply doing a writing execise. That's why your essay comes across as superfical and revolting in regards to one of the most sacred and profound human endeavors.

  • Posted By: millennia @ 10/28/2007 11:31:34 AM

    Well, I have to say that Rebecca is taking this in a non-chalant manner. Marraiges break down for many reasons and I am on my third. My daughter from my second one is paying the price for an action that sounds much like this story with the same kind of "life is too short" attitude. I have two children now and I could not imagine them not having two parents in the same house.

    Our society is so screwed up by broken families, and here goes another one. I searched for her on line and found out many interesting things and am not surprised by this action and wonderment of whether or not she will make it. Self indulgent...yes. Please search for her blog on Google where she states that she "Hit on Bill Richardson", it is all telling. Shallow to say the least and the ego is unreal in her writings.

    I wish her no ill and hope that she makes it and finds what she is looking for. I have seen this too many times with women. Luckily I am married to one now who understands and although we struggle with our relationship, we realize that we are meant for eachother and we produced two beautiful lives that we owe a stable home and loving upbringing to. Too often I have seen this backfire and hurt the children.

    In her column today she mentioned selfish...yes....this is a bit so...but we do not know both sides. If they can't make this relationship work, they will struggle for the rest of their lives until they grow up. There are many 30 somethings who are still living in their "thrill of the chase years"...this hits me as what is going on here. I don't know, nor do I want to know the circumstances but this her story is bigger than herself...it is about other lives. The ease with which she take this life change is amazing.

    Last week I met a lady on a trip that was telling me that she lives with her soom to be EX. She went on to say that it was his choice; he wanted more out of life, his freedom to discover himself, etc. I asked her if she was upset...her reply was that she was all 'cried out' and now, she was numb. I had to feel for her and wonder why people let things get that far....my second marraige was much the same though, on her part, so I have lived the experience.

    Rebecca should know that their lives will be linked and interwoven for the rest of their lives and there is no way to completely break free. No one should live miserably but this still sounds like a self discovery exercise.

    If it is my advice to Rebecca is that life is short and she is already half way there...I hope you find it...but you had better move fast...I doubt you will look back either.

    Revbecca being a hard core Democrat believes that we should do everything "for the children" I am sure. Why not view maintaining a safe and loving home for them in the same way?

  • Posted By: millennia @ 10/28/2007 11:20:07 AM

    Well, I have to say that Rebecca is taking this in a non-chalant manner. Marraiges break down for many reasons and I am on my third. My daughter from my second one is paying the price for an action that sounds much like this story with the same kind of "life is too short" attitude. I have two children now and I could not imaging them having two parents in the same house.

    Our society is so screwed up by broken families, and her goes another one. I searched for her on line and found out many interesting things and am not surprised by this action and wonderment of whether or not she will make it. Self indulgent...yes. Please search for her blog on Google where she states that she "Hit on Bill Richardson", it is all telling.

    I wish her no ill and hope that she makes it and finds what she is looking for. I have seen this too many times with women. Luckily I am married to one now who understands and althoug we struggle with our relationship, we realize that we are meant for eachother and we produced two beautiful lives that we owe a stable home and loving upbringing to. Too often I have seen this backfire and hurt the children.

    In her column today she mentioned selfish...yes....this is a bit so...but we do not know both sides. If they can't make this relationship work, they will struggle for the rest of their lives until they grow up. There are many 30 somethings who are still living in their "thrill of the chase years"...this hits me as what is going on here.

    Revbecca being a hard core Democrat believes that we should do everything "for the children" I am sure. Why not view maintaining a safe and loving home for them in the same way?

  • Posted By: Working Writer @ 10/28/2007 8:35:39 AM

    For anyone who doubts that Rebecca Lavoie is a vacuous narcissist, check out her other columns at The Concord Monitor (including one in today's edition where she opines what a bunch of louts the commenters here are, once again displaying an uncanny inability for self-reflection). The Monitor is a NH-based daily with a penchant for running self-indulgent, cloying columns by writer wannabes under the guise of community journalism, and Lavoie is just the latest entrant in a spate of Monitor "pet" writers. Lavoie actually does have some writing talent. Unfortunately, she is so immature and self-involved that everything I've read so far in turn alienates or bores. Think Norman Rockwell meets Wisteria Lane.

  • Posted By: rp_k @ 10/25/2007 3:38:55 PM

    This story would have made more sense to me after they had physically separated and she was dealing with the day to day struggles, car being the lightest one of them I guess.

    As of now, it seems like she is more fascinated with the idea of divorce and indepence than anything else. As many of you suggest that, ff there are many many darker shades to any of their personalities than I am even more surprised that she is making the light of a grave situation with a totally irrevelant situation.

    Whenever I am faced with a troubled situation in my marriage, I too fantasize about my divorce, where I will live, how will I raise my kids - they will be with me for sure. How I will get a father figure for my son. How I will keep my daughter away from possible molestors.. dating again doesn't even occur to me. In those fantacies,
    my then ex-husband share a very good relationship with us.

    And then I wake up and realise that I would rather work hard on what I have got. Again, if this was something very inevitable and nasty.. they would be fighting like dogs and cats by now.. unless one of them found their true sexuality.

  • Posted By: rp_k @ 10/25/2007 3:19:53 PM

    I think she is more fascinated by divorce itself. She is doing it because she thinks she can. and she is wondering if she can take on the life. Whenever I have a tough time during my marriage, I fantasize about separating and in those fantasies, I go through the daily tasks, where will I live, where will I work, what will I do with my kids, how will I raise them myself, and in those fantasies, my then ex-husband comes and goes amicably.. helping out with kids whenever it needs to be done. I don't fantasize about dating again for sure.

    But after some time I wake up and I realise that I can probably make better with what I got now than to go out alone. I also see some of very disturbing aspects of kids growing without a parent and I think, well let me stick it out some more time..

    Reading this essay, I was hoping for a same ending. But was more disturbed to see that she is not. Of course she may have her reasons for divorce that she doesn't want to bring on the table.. but if she can laugh with her ex-husband-to-be.. why can't she patch up.

    On another note, I find it hard to believe that divorces are amicable. It maybe be indifferent at the best. less bitter for one partner. Maybe down the years they can laugh together.. but it is hard for me to believe that divorces are happy.

  • Posted By: smaug @ 10/25/2007 2:07:11 PM

    What a story. You sound like you have no solid idea how life is supposed to work. I hope your husband gets full custody of the children while you deal with your ego.

  • Posted By: charlsong1 @ 10/25/2007 1:26:59 PM

    None of you know anything about their marriage, yet you're so full of advice. She never once said she was happily married. She never said she was loyal, sober or of an any real moral standards. She also never said those things about her husband. Maybe it was inevitable because her youngest son is the product of an affair, and he couldn't take it. Or maybe he has HIV from girlfriend of last month. Everyone says marriage is such hard work and you gotta fight for it. No you don't. You can't spend your whole life making it work. At some point in time, it either works or it doesn't. If you are married to someone you are no longer in love with, why stay married? Teaching the kids to stay in a miserable situation because bloggers will judge you if you do something different is a horrible reason to stay married.

  • Posted By: mikeindallas @ 10/25/2007 1:22:51 PM

    Only in America.
    Baby I can wash my car, yes I wanna be a star, sacking groceries in the supermarket, leaving the comforts, of a secure home, with loving, and providing husband. Yes I also wanna "THE-WORSE", since everyone else is getting, see, tammy got it, wanda got it, kelly got it, why not me, damnit.

    Mahesh

  • Posted By: jadams0630 @ 10/24/2007 2:49:41 PM

    O.o I'm vaguely disgusted by my own race every time I read something like this. Wow...you're getting a divorce and good for you, you can wash your car. As a 23 year old woman making six figures a year and taking care of myself I really am proud that you found the ability to soap up your car.

    • Posted By: kengenevieve @ 10/25/2007 1:18:06 PM

      If this is an attempt as sarcasm it is feeble at best. Why is it necessary to state how much you earn? Congratulations on a six figure income at age 23 that is sincerely a large accomplishment (no sarcasm, honest), however money can not buy you knowledge that you gain through years and experience. Twenty-three is young. You should not judge situations in life you could not have yet experienced yourself. Confidence is healthy, but beware of over confidence.

  • Posted By: allyana @ 10/25/2007 12:34:38 PM

    I was hoping that by page 3 you would come to the realization that the marriage was, in fact, working perfectly! Too bad you didn't see that you were merely going through the "mid-30s" crisis many, many married couples go through. Some stick it out to find that what they are looking for was right there all along.

  • Posted By: saradin @ 10/25/2007 12:07:36 PM

    I am sure that I am one of hundreds who will reply to this story so I am not going to state the obvious. More importantly, I want to know what made you think this divorce was "inevitable." When you say your husband, who is caring enough to not rub the car sponge in your face, and to actually laugh while washing the cars with you and confesing how he feels the same way every time he has to make social plans, makes me want to take you and shake you. Never once did you mention any catastrophic reasons on why this marriage is over and why these feelings of wanting to do things on your own are more important than the raising of two little boys. Sorry, but life doesn't stay exciting forever and it is work to hold onto a marriage and raise children. If you think it is a big deal that you don't know where your passport is and when you say you feel excitement at the prospect of forging your way, you don't have a clue of what is ahead of you. You say your marriage was built on filling in gaps for one another -- well, guess what -- that is one of the most important assets of a marriage -- when the kids are gone, filling in the gaps is called "taking care of one another." Never once did you mention one substantive hurtle in life and I hope you wake up before you make the mistake of your life. Believe me -- there will be women waiting in line for your husband.

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