Baby, I Can Wash My Car

I really don't think that Rebecca was trying to trivialize her divorce, acting in a selfish way, or obsessing over a minor detail such as a clean car. Whenever someone thinks of divorce, it is the big things that are thought about: the kids, finances, and the emotional turmoil. This, rather, was a touching piece about the things that will be missed that are not thought of usually. Divorce is a big thing, but sometimes it's the small things that help people begin to recognize the impact it will have on their lives. I doubt Rebecca is acting childish with everything; she is showing us all that the little things count too!

Hey, all. As the author of this column, I have found your commentary interesting, to say the least.
I am not nonchalant about my divorce, nor am I preoccupied with the state of the cleanliness of my car. To write about sordid details, paintful realizations, and the impact on my family would have been tedious, overly personal, and probably a far more self-indulgent snoozefest than this essay. This is an observational piece where I cast myself as a character in a moment, and expanded on that moment as a reflection of my feelings on that day.
Needless to say, one can't possibly know what happens in other people's lives based on 900 words, or judge the reasoning, maturity, or attitude of the author.
I intended to write something light about a very difficult situation, and I stand by my piece as an ironic commentary on a very complex situation.
But I am glad I incited discussion here, as it is obviously a topic many of you feel strongly about.
Take care.
Rebecca

I must say, the general content of My Turn columns has gotten much less serious over the past year or so. This one takes the cake, and may be the worst I've ever read. Her kids are staring in the face the trauma of divorce, and this woman has the audacity to opine for a page in a major magazine that, oh my, now she has to clean her own car.

Life is so hard. I'm not saying that she should stay together for the sake of her family or any of that -- people have to find their own happiness. But I'd sure hate to be her kids, if this is her attitude.

I read this story with disbelief. My mother taught me to take care of myself. I was the one who took care of the checkbook, shoveled the driveway, and took care of the yardwork. I raised four sones and taught them to cook, to their laundry and take care of themselves. My advice is to grow up and take care of herself.

I can't believe how dense some of the people posting on this article seem to be. (Projecting about your OWN relationship, much?) She didn't INVENT divorce, and I think six or seven paragraphs about how they "tried to make it work" would have been tedious. The point is, with every change in our lives (new job, new house, new relationship) there comes fear. Sometimes the fear is so great we don't make that change. I give her credit (no for choosing to end her marriage; we can all agree that's regretable) for finding the strength to keep going.

I can't believe how dense some of the people posting on this article seem to be. (Projecting about your OWN relationship, much?) She didn't INVENT divorce, and I think six or seven paragraphs about how they "tried to make it work" would have been tedious. The point is, with every change in our lives (new job, new house, new relationship) there comes fear. Sometimes the fear is so great we don't make that change. I give her credit (no for choosing to end her marriage; we can all agree that's regretable) for finding the strength to keep going.

I feel bad for this woman. What does she think marriage is, exactly? I feel worse for her sons. She seems to be blase while life and family as they know it is unraveling before their eyes well outside their control Legos and peanut butter are not going to be their issues down the road.

Don't worry - when you are fully in charge of your own life and decisions, it will be the most enjoyably frustrating time of your life! I don't regret it for an instant!
there are times when you have to fish or cut bait - and this is oen instance when the bait should be cut (as the involoved individuals have decided - not for us to decide). Wouldn't it be great if they could "just work it out" or "stay together for the children" or whatever. Sometimes it just isn't that way.

This writer sounds extremely selfish and nonchalant. Her only concern seems to be that her car is not pristine. What about the children? If they can live together so amicably while they are "divorcing" it seems to me they should keep on keeping on. Marriage is hard work and a good marriage is even harder. Neither is on his or her own emotionally right now so of course it doesn't seem so bad. What about when they're acting out at school because they're angry? Or crying in the night when they miss their father?

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I would like to hear from her in a year...when she is TRULY living on her own with her sons. It angered me to read how disposable she treated her marriage. Perhaps it is the picture she paints of him, cleaning her car...the cat box...WORKING...makes me wonder why she couldn't appreciate all he did do for her DURING the marriage. I think he'll actually be better off now.

If this article had appeared in the late 1960s or any time in the 70s, no one would argue with it. Back then, it was believed that it was better to be happy apart, than miserable together "for the sake of the kids".

The 1970s may have brought some undesirable things into the world, such as disco music and leisure suits. But the ideas about marriage back then have more validity than the other commenters here realize. My parents divorced in 1969, and my husband's parents split in 1982. Guess what - we survived our parents' disasters and haven't created any of our own! Come January, we will have been married by 16 wonderful years, and have two great children. Kids are a lot tougher and smarter than anyone gives them credit for! Not only did my husband and I get over our pasts, but I'm positive that our two children would do just fine if we ever split up. There's absolutely no doubt in my mind!

Back in the late 60s/early 70s, around the time my parents split up, an article like this would not have generated any negative comments at all. Back then, people believed that parents were better off being happy apart than miserable "together for the sake of the kids".

Guess what? Kids are a hell of a lot smarter and tougher than anyone gives them credit for. I survived my parents' divorce just fine, and my husband made it through his parents' split. We've been married for nearly 16 years now, have two kids, and love each other even more than the day we wed. The 1970s may have brought some bad things into this world - such as disco music and leisure suits. But maybe the 70s ideas about marriage weren't so bad, and need to be remembered today.

I am truly saddened by this article. The author takes the same tone one might take when describing something like leaving home for college. It's almost as if she's saying, "This is just a phase I went through and now I have to move on." For Pete's sake - we're talking about marriage here! Can you imagine the affect this is having on the children? They are now growing up thinking it's OK to totally blow by the vow "Til death do us part". 'Well, we gave it the old college try. Too bad."

And maybe the saddest part is that the time the couple shares over the car wash should have been a bridge to reconciliation - not a poignant reminder of what used to be.

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She may think that this is easy, but he's still in the house and the children haven't started acting out. After she leaves, then the children will learn to run from their issues and problems too. Then tell us how good it is...