This past weekend my boyfriend had a "ocd"break down....at that moment I got the distinct experience of meeting no less then five people living in my love's head......most choose to use his given name...there are two that use different names....john is the mean one...
As the person on the other side of this I'm at a lose as to how to cope with the fact that I'm in love with not just one man....once the gate was open they all came out to say "hi"......they all seem to be in agreement that they all love me.....that's nice.....there is a little boy....all he wanted from me was some ice cream and more of the cookies I made last week.....
Honestly....at first I thought this was all a joke.....a bad one....but a joke......then it went bad.....my love was so upset that his secret was out that he tried to kill himself.....not realizing that I would not be at work that day....I was there to beg for his life the whole day.....we made it through the night.....I woke up hoping that the worst was over and he would fess up to a very very bad joke......no soap.....I was greeted by "john".....not a nice man.....but very protective of my love.....he told me that "we" are going to die.....it was "their" choice and no matter how I tried I couldn't stop what was in the works.....Then as quick as it all started my baby was back behind his eyes....I was understandibly upset....he was confussed and wanted to know what had happened.....I did not sugar coat.....after some more tears on my part he let me take him to a mental health facility here in town......he's getting help and lots of snacks.......I know nothing of what I saw that day....and would love some guidance......
Identity Crisis
What is it like to live with 17 alternate selves? A survivor of multiple personality disorder discusses the disease and the painful integration process that made her whole.
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Multiple personality disorder is a perplexing phenomenon to outside observers, believed to be brought on by persistent childhood abuse. What is it like living with MPD? And how does a sufferer function, with so many alternate personalities—or "alters"—some of them adults and some children? NEWSWEEK's Anne Underwood spoke with Karen Overhill—a former sufferer and the subject of a new book, "Switching Time," by Dr. Richard Baer. Excerpts:
NEWSWEEK: When an alternate personality would emerge, your own consciousness receded. You called it "losing time," since you were unaware of what the alter said and did during that time. What does it feel like when an alter is taking over?
Karen Overhill: It feels like you're tuning out, about to faint. It would come like a wave over me. When I came back to myself I would be exhausted. I never knew where I'd been or what I'd done, so I would have to look for clues, like a bag in the car or leftovers from a restaurant. [One of the adult alters] would go for long drives at night. In the morning the gas tank would be empty, and there would be hundreds of miles on the odometer. I would wonder, 'Where did I go?' It was amazing, but I accepted it.
You had 17 alters. Before therapy, were you aware of their existence?
All I knew was that I was losing time. But there were signs. Clothes would come back from the cleaner's with Katherine's name on them. There were different books being read at the same time. There were things bought that I didn't remember purchasing. I only got to know the alters during therapy.
Some of the alters had their own friends. Did people call you by different names?
I would answer to anything, because I had no idea. I would just go with the flow. In a store, when I ran into someone I knew but didn't know, there would be a delayed reaction, like someone hit the pause button, until the alter who knew that person came out. I would remember walking up to that person. Then I would know nothing more until I got into the car. Once I got in the car and came back to myself, I'd think, 'Well, at least I got what I needed.'
Experts say that alternate personalities are formed to shield MPD sufferers from pain and memories of abuse. Did you have any awareness of the abuse you endured as a child?
I had some awareness of it at the time. I would see bruises and cuts. I had bits and pieces of memories, but you don't want to ask too many questions as a child for fear of it leading to more abuse. Later, during therapy, I asked questions of my mother and brothers in a roundabout way to try and confirm what had gone on. Sometimes I remembered horrible things, but I couldn't remember feeling pain, because the alters had taken it away.
You truly felt no pain?
The pain would be removed from me. Different alters would feel it. If I had a bad headache and I couldn't handle it, it would somehow just go away without medication. I wish I knew how to do it today. But this caused problems, too, because pain is protective. Once I stayed at work till the end of the day when I needed an appendectomy.
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