This past weekend my boyfriend had a "ocd"break down....at that moment I got the distinct experience of meeting no less then five people living in my love's head......most choose to use his given name...there are two that use different names....john is the mean one...
As the person on the other side of this I'm at a lose as to how to cope with the fact that I'm in love with not just one man....once the gate was open they all came out to say "hi"......they all seem to be in agreement that they all love me.....that's nice.....there is a little boy....all he wanted from me was some ice cream and more of the cookies I made last week.....
Honestly....at first I thought this was all a joke.....a bad one....but a joke......then it went bad.....my love was so upset that his secret was out that he tried to kill himself.....not realizing that I would not be at work that day....I was there to beg for his life the whole day.....we made it through the night.....I woke up hoping that the worst was over and he would fess up to a very very bad joke......no soap.....I was greeted by "john".....not a nice man.....but very protective of my love.....he told me that "we" are going to die.....it was "their" choice and no matter how I tried I couldn't stop what was in the works.....Then as quick as it all started my baby was back behind his eyes....I was understandibly upset....he was confussed and wanted to know what had happened.....I did not sugar coat.....after some more tears on my part he let me take him to a mental health facility here in town......he's getting help and lots of snacks.......I know nothing of what I saw that day....and would love some guidance......
Identity Crisis
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What are your plans now?
I'm still trying to figure that out. When you're suicidal, as I was for so long, you don't make long-range plans. But I like working with people. The funny thing is, most people my age have settled down and are looking forward to retirement. I'm just thinking about registering for college. But the most important thing for me is just knowing that I'm alive and can look forward to the future.
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