Knocking Yourself Up

The debate/dispute over/between this issue could go on forever. I am a woman who likes to get to the heart of an issue; and not waste precious time quibbling over inconsequential matters which are strictly a matter of personal opinion. Here is mine:
It is heartbreaking to discover the accelerating rate of abortions in this great country of ours! Our government has legalized the MURDER OF INNOCENT CHILDREN-BY THE MILLIONS! These are LIVES-WITH A SOUL-NOT "MATTER, AN EMBRYO, OR TISSUE! I say that if there are women who WANT a child so badly that they are willing to go through unconventional methods to conceive-ORCHIDS TO THESE WOMEN!!!!!!!!! They seek to CREATE life and BRING IT INTO THIS WORLD instead of DESTROYING IT!!!!!!!!! That just about says it ALL...........................
Would God frown at the CREATION OF AND DESIRE FOR A CHILD; AND LAUGH AT THE MURDER OF ONE?

As a newly divorced single woman with three children, I come to the conversation that I belived that marriage and children go together. But after 18 years of a misrable existance on everyones part (including my children's ) I came to the conclusion it is better to be from a broken home then in one. I commend the women that are strong enough to make the decision without a partner to help them. The good thing about these situation is these children will not carry all the "Garbage" with them that comes from a broken marriage, an abandoned single mother, or both parents not wanting them.

As far as single b y chance, no such thing. A person who wishes to marry will do so. Single by chance should be called single due to no relationship skills. So this person is a good parent?
As far as divorced dad's raising the kids, the stastics are in favor of dad. The kids perform better in school and have far less hospital visits due to home accidents among a few of the pluses.

I agree that it is a personal choice as long as the want to be mother is financially stable. Being married is not all it is cracked up to be. There are different view points and backgrounds that make it difficult. I am saying this and I consider myself in a good marriage with three kids. However, children are challenging and it is best if you have the support of family and friends. My children are my life and I love them with the air that I breathe. I could not conciously tell someone who was emotionally and financially secure not to have a baby when the only barrier is not having a husband.

To JB06 - I agree somewhat. I like what feminism has done for women. I like that women are independent. What I hate is that some women use it as a crutch for hypocracy. I want to be a single mom, ok, then get the sperm from the bank. Nope, they sack some idiot guy, compalin of him being a loser, but then they turn around and hammer him for money. Thats not being a single mom, thats being a hypocrit. All about her Too the legitimate true single mom, I give her cudos, props whatever you want to call it. Because there are dumb, idiotic, or psycho men out there, and I can see her going it on here own. But, thats what I do agree with you on, if their values of choosing a mate where better, then they might actually find a good man. But, they all want that 5% of the male population. The pretty boy that hoses em, and then beats feet to the next score. Then they get enraged with bitterness. I aint being their punching bag. Their values need adjusted.

Lawelff D
all sins are equal, no one is greater than the other. If you have to have a turkey baster to get you pregnant chance are thats not "morally" right. Is it morally right to rid the child out of the oppurtunity of having a father?

It is up to the women and how about just pray and know that GOD is involved in all things!

As a single female who is going to be 36 soon, I feel like women do have the right to have and raise a child if they have the mental and financial means to do so. I understand that having a male influence is very important in raising kids. But there is no guarantee that a husband/male figure will stick around to raise the child. If I decide to use a sperm bank to have kids, then you can definitely know that this was a very thought out plan. I know I will need help in raising my child, so as long as you include your family in your decision and have their support, I say have the kids you want to have. There are many of married couples who are not good parents and there are many single parents raising up happy, healthy, and intelligent kids.

I am also a single, college educated 27 year old female who owns her own business. While going to college I always worked full time jobs, and never slept around. I had a steady boyfriend but always protected myself from preganancy becuase I knew we were not ready for that kind of responsibility. I rather be single now with no children than be a divorced 27 year old who works 12 hours a day while her children are raised by God knows who at a day care. The men that I come accross now who are mature enough for me to deal with them are all already married or divorced with children. I find myself at a point where I have to make a decision soon about having a family. I refuse to have children in an unhealthy environment, so I rather go to a sperm bank, and raise a child by myself than marry just anyone becuase that's what we are "supposed" to do. I would love to settle down and get married, but until a decent one comes along, I will not be saying I do. I was raised by my mother alone, and I thank her every day for raising me on her own and not staying in an unhealthy relationship with my biological father. Children need to be raised in loving homes by people who can educate them, support them, and love them.

I can certainly sympathize with the frustrations of single women looking for Mr. Right. For years, I went through failed relationships, and I thought I'd never find 'him'. Looking back, I'm glad I didn't do anything drastic, like using a turkey baster (believe me, the thought did cross my mind). But when the time was right, I did find 'him'. We've been married for a year, and now we're trying to have a baby -- the first for both of us -- the conventional way. I grew up with a mostly-absent dad. My mom did a great job, but there was always something missing. I don't want that for my kids. I just hope women really think it through before deciding what's best for themselves and, more importantly, their children.

WILL EVERYONE PLEASE READ MY COMMENT BELOW.

While I don't doubt that some single mothers do a wonderful job of raising children (mine did as a widow), what the trend of choosing to inseminate oneself seems to signal is the worthlessness of marriage or, at least, long-term relationships. If the desire to raise a child is so strong, why not adopt? My impression is that it's because these women want something to call "mine." And so it becomes less of a benefit to the child (because the child does not yet exist), and more of a benefit to the mother, who wants love and companionship that she could not otherwise achieve. If people truly want to show their generosity and selflessness, I hope they will consider adopting. From THIS country. There are plenty of children who need families, while single parents don't really "need" to birth their own.

As a single female who is going to be 36 soon, I feel like women do have the right to have and raise a child if they have the mental and financial means to do so. I understand that having a male influence is very important in raising kids. But there is no guarantee that a husband/male figure will stick around to raise the child. If I decide to use a sperm bank to have kids, then you can definitely know that this was a very thought out plan. I know I will need help in raising my child, so as long as you include your family in your decision and have their support, I say have the kids you want to have. There are many of married couples who are not good parents and there are many single parents raising up happy, healthy, and intelligent kids.

in reply to Bobdubs - comparing a 16 year old single mother to a 30 - 40 single mother who made the choice to be a mom is like comparing apples and oranges - it makes no sense - most of us that make the decision to have a child do so knowing that we will be able to take care of them - I would have never had a child if I did not have a good job, a home and the means to take care of a child. I pay my share of taxes (believe me too much in my opinion) and do not need tax payers money to raise my children.

I divorced seven years ago and had my first baby from a donor three years later. Nine months later I decided to have another one from the same donor. I know that someday I can look into my boys' eyes teling them how much I wanted to have them in my life and that's why I did what I did. It's so much better than telling them that their parents divorced and their father left them, hoping the father won't forget the presents for their birthdays or Christmas. I'm financially and emotionally mature enough to provide a stable and loving environment to raise my boys to be the fine young men in this society. It's not easy, I can tell anybody. But I can tell you for all those single women who choose to do it, they will do it right. It's so unfair for others to judge us as being selfish or not trying hard to look for Mr. Right as it's easy to say that if you're having a wonderful husband and a happy family to enjoy with. We're not raising monsters to harm the society, compared to a lot of irresponsible parents. We try a lot harder than others in many cases. Who doesn't want to have a perfect life? So, be nice!

I was raised by a single parent (mom) and I really don't feel that I missed out on anything. I am 40 something now, so this was during a time when the culture wasn't as understanding of a single mom. And guess what - my mother never bemoaned that she was raising me alone. She didn't even date because she felt her life was complete. Now understand - she is straight and doesn't have any big hang ups. I know that this book smacks of the "downfall of the family" and will probably get bad press from the religious right because of that. But I received lots of love, was sent to good schools and and never took money for granted since we weren't financially well off. And I went on to get a college degree etc.

And I would like to say thanks to the poster "amyr" for mentioning the absentee father syndrom. I work in a professional environment with higher degreed people and the men all seem to be work-aholics who aren't involved in their families. One man would complain that his wife was wanting him to spend more time at home! He had two young boys that he hardly ever saw!! Ironically, I was the one telling him that for birthdays or holidays why didn't he try spending TIME with those kids rather than buying them off.

So I think this article and the book are showing the reality: If women have to do it all when raising children anyway (whether it is a mentality of 'Women's work' or whatever) and women are truly realizing that they are capable and equal then why what for the whole package if the biological clock is ticking.

tissababe: I agree with you 100% my mother was a stay at home mom until we all started school and it was wonderful knowing that you always had someone at your games or concerts, or to run you to practice. Or even just greet you at the door after school. I gave up a career as a teacher to become a stay at home mom when my first son was born. I've recently gone back to work b/c we've recently moved and the cost of living here is quite a bit higher than where we came from, but as soon as we are back on track I will be staying home again. I feel like I'm being a selfish mother by not being there. I couldn't imagine having a daycare provider tell me when my child took her fist steps, or that she finally got her tooth through. Which, is what these single mothers will have to go through. As for lawelffD, God allowed this process to become available for those couples who couldn't conceive and selfish human beings have turned it into what it is now. THAT'S why it is happening now. It's happening now because human beings are selfish and think only of themselves and their needs. Has anyone ever considered what the children in these situations will feel in ten years when they are with a father to play catch with or attend a dance with?

yes, the argument against women using a turkey baster falls apart as soon as you throw in logic. Then all they have to fall back on is their bible. It is a wonderful family oriented document. I gave some examples before, but since it is buried deeply within this forum, I will restate some of what is in it.

Within the pages of the bible, thei god tells them to stone their sons to death, sell their daughters into slavery, sacrifice their childrens lives for him, and only live to be slaves and worship him. Lot offers his own daughter to an angry sex crazed mob so that gods angels wont get raped. They then get dad drunk so that the ycan sleep with him to replensih the earth.

Oh yeah, chock full of family values... a really disturbing set of family values that I remind my children is evil.

I want my daughters to have rights and to have choices and to have liberty in this world. I do not want my daughters to have a life of servitude to some ***.

I am very happy that these women can have children on their own terms.