Knocking Yourself Up

I am a mother by choice times 2. I adopted one and used a doner for the youngest. I am single not by choice but by chance. I am 38 and I feel that having my youngest by medical means was the best thing for me and her as well as the world. I have givin the world a child that might turn out to be a preacher or a teacher or just a really great person that will affect someones life in such a great way. You may ask why did I feel the need to have a child after I adopted but the reality is that my adopted daughter has always resented being adopted and not wanted by her natural parents and has been kind of mean and cruel to me and I just wanted someone that wouldn't have that sort of issue. I wanted my children to have a father and still do but I only had a limited time frame in which to work.
If GOD hadn't been right with my decesion he wouldn't have let me have her and her be so perfect!!!

THINK ABOUT IT!!!

RiTZ

Is it as morally wrong to create life as it is to take a life (or lives)? I think murder is an evil choice that one should not choose and should be judged for it. However, I do not feel that creating life without a man in the picture is an evil choice.

Besides, I may agree with predetermination, and it doesn't matter what we do in life. I like that idea because I know my good intentions are good for the sake of being good. And I see no wrong intentions in a woman choosing to bring in a new life on her own, raise that new life with all the love and care she has.

One good, educated, self supporting mother who really wants a child is better then an unhappily married couple. It is also very hard, if not impossible in some cases, to "just say no" to being pregnant and motherhood, simply because you have not yet found the right husband/father. That being said, there really is a huge difference, for kids and for mothers, in having an involved, competent and active father who wanted his children as much as the mother did. Children need BOTH parents and having them both in the same house is the ideal world. While single motherhood can also produce healthy, well adjusted kids, there is a huge piece missing and substitues, in the form of other men to take on the fathering role are necessary. Mother's cannot duplicate what Father's bring to the table. Even though they may do a fine job in their own right.

Why dont we just let everyone live their lives and not interfere. The fact of the matter is that there are two parent homes out there with parents who dont deserve to have goldfish, they are so bad, but there are two of them and I guess "thats the important thing" but people are criticizing the single parent home when for the most part.....we didnt start out that way, but we ended up that way and we sacrifice everything we have to ensure that the child grows up a decent, kind, well-mannered, hard working adult in society. I grew up in a home with two parents, married now for 37 years and divorce was a big no-no for me becasue I never experienced anything like that. I am now divorced and am raising my child with all the same values that I was raised with and that hasnt changed because my ex and I didnt last. I too would love another child, but I would never settle for any man just because I want a child. I wouldnt trap someone that way. I have, however, contemplated artificial insemination because I want another child, I want my child to have a sibling, and I know I have a lot to offer. I dont wait around for Mr. Right....no one is perfect and there is no "Mr. Right", but there are many wonderful men out there with a lot to offer a good woman. Ladies....lets not categorize them as all the same. They aren't. Lets be fair, but I dont feel that a woman is any less of a woman, or a wife if there is not man or husband present. For all the happily married couples who made comments, I commend you for being able to make your marriages work. Those of us who are or have been married know its not easy, and some of us werent that fortunate, but if a year, two years from now, or longer...if you were now in a different situation, I wonder....would your opinions change? Cant we all just be open minded and stop judging? Lets worry about bigger issues. Have a great weekend everyone....

bottom line is - to those who are pursuing it outside of wedlock - is just pure selfishness and catering to the call of the fleshly yearnings and desires. The greatest lie is giving the children born out of wedlock the hope that they will find contentment in their origins once they are born. When they are old enough to find out the lie, if they will (most just lives out their lives in misery, never knowing what is that x-factor that is missing in their lives), they most certainly will face the instigator -- the MOM, and what will you then have to say? "Honey, all I wanted was for you to be born and be happy?" Do you hear yourself? Seriously. ---- from a widow, 37 with two kids, sorely missing her husband in raising up the two kids, not only financially but everything else-ly.

I am very happy for my wife. I am 28 i work at a average job and i love nothing more then to support her and hopefully in the near future a family. I do feel sorry for some of these women but do not assume men all suck. I realize that i cannot give them everything they want but i can strive to get them what they need. I need to work to support them but when it comes down to it family comes first. I know it sounds easy but i know from my family that its extremely difficult. but I belive its worth it and i wish more men would think like me. I do still want things for myself but i either budget time to work more or i do without. I am willing to give up things for myself because my family is my ultimate goal in life.

How easy it is to spout platitudes, mindless dribble, and mistake our own biased opinions for absolute truths. I wonder at the 'Christians' who keep using Christ's name so lightly in their judgment. "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone."
I am married, because I am in love. I'm in love with my husband, because he is my best friend. I consider him a person not an object or means to an end of position in society, and he considers me a person and not an object or an obligation.
I married young because I knew I would not find anyone like him again. Sure we have differences but when we show faith in one another, our differences seem to strengthen us and make us better rounded. He goes to work; I take care of our daughter. Do I think that there is one ???right train??? that goes to one station and if you aren???t on it you???re wrong? Nope. That would be irrational.
I think it takes two to raise a child, if only to have someone to balance the other.

I posted below, but felt the need to add a little something. GUYS - I feel your pain when you read all the male bashing in threads like this. Femenism has done more than destroy the family dynamic by pushing mothers out of the home. I wonder if people notice that on TV, men are always portrayed as the bumbling, stupid husband who is in constant need of saving by his wife. It's unfortunate that men are looked down on by women when they act like men. I get annoyed when women complain about the deadbeat dad that walked out on their kids because they're not "into the dad thing". Perhaps if these women had chosen their mates a little better, i.e. with an eye for his character and convictions, rather than for his looks or the convenience, there would be fewer single moms "by chance". I'll probably get hell for that little remark, but I'll stand by it nontheless. Hang in there guys, there are women out there who know what Mr. Right really looks like, they'll find you soon enough.

To Erice - "a marriage I settled for" what do you think marriage is. This aint fairy tale. Not everyday is a glorious day. You want the good, but not the bad. Thats the problem with 90 % of these people on here. As the marriage grows, it goes in cycles. Its AC, not DC. Up down, up down, get it? Get some patience and get off the instant grtification.

Even if you were to find "Mr. Right" who's to say that after the marriage and the kid/s they will still be there? Just because you wait dosen't mean that there will still be two parents together in the "ideal" family. I put "ideal" because I've met plenty of people that have had two parents and turned out just as bad or maybe even worse than those in a single parent family. I don't see anything wrong with being single and having a child. Especially if it's planned. That just means that the mother is in a place where she is ready to committ and give all her love, affection and attention to that child. Yes two loving parents are great, but a loving mother with no regrets, aticipation and a community to back her will work just as fine....that's just my two cents.

Sorry but had to chime in one more time - to the people who think having a child on your own as a single mother is selfish - believe me it is not! I gladly gave up my life style to be a mom - everything that I do, I do for my children - and I do it by CHOICE - it was not to fulfill something that was missing in me - if was to fulfill something that was missing in my life - I wanted to be a mother and I wanted to share and experience all that life has to offer with my children. No, I will not agree that I am selfish for wanting to be a mom.

A womans ability to give birth is sovereign, but the impossibility of doing so without the help of some outside resource is proof that choosing to be a single mother based on ideosyncratic ideals and paradigms is not fair to the child who has no choice. It's a privilege, not a right. Nature manifested both sexes to commune and co create life, not to control the ability. I grew up in a household of a single mother and my desire for a specific father was real, my need to bond with my "father" was real. If there is an opportunity to create a "family" then one has a responsibility to provide the child a "WHOLESOME" environment, not a selfish and biased one, then we should strive to manifest it rather than assume we know what's best for another human being that doesn't even exist yet. Dads really matter, it's too bad there are bad men and women out there that can't function and cooperate enough to create villages of wholsomeness instead of suburbs of divisive existence. But that doesn't mean we shoud advocate artificial insemination, life beginning without balance is like an inferior structure built and doomed to fall apart prematurely from lack of foresight , poor planning, and experience. Had I not had time with my real father, I guarantee I would have become a problem in society on whatever level. Many very intelligent children realize they ant a family and deep inside they are upset that the storybooks aren't true. "Why does Billy have a daddy, but I don't? " Cuz Mommy doesn't need a man, just a sperm doner.

Kudos to marig1978. My single mom friends raised the best children! No absent or abusive fathers and less stress of the marital kind on the mother. Unless you have a great man in your life (and that's not easy to find), these women are to be commended for taking on the daunting challenge of getting what they want by themselves! Being a strong woman / mother is NEVER a negative. Men need to grow up or shut up.

If there were not enough problems in the world of single parent homes. Children are loittering and getting into trouble after school as there is no one to come home to. Just another example as to how this world is going to hell in hand basket. Just read in the paper today haow a 16 year old mother was appalled because she couldn't shop in a mall who have banned anyone under 18 years of age from being in the mall without a parent or guardian. Get this a 16 year old mother. She's probalt from a single parent home too. Like mother like daughter. Not only that we pay for it through our taxes as theyt are on welfare to boot. Of course the grand ole ACLU says this is discrimitory. Bullshit.

For starters I would like to say that I am a happily married woman. I have a good husband who is a good father and believe me that is rare. My ex husband had a goal of marriage by 30 and child by 32 and did not account for life after that. He reached his goal and that was it. hence why we are no longer together.
More and more boys/men are not interested in marriage much less fatherhood. The old saying why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free comes to mind. Why tie themselves down to responsibitilies.
So if a woman is mature enough to have considered the consequences of parenting alone, has the resources to comfortably support herself and a child, then I say go for it and more power to you, becaue
looking at the men market out there for potential fathers I don't see many. GOOD LUCK

Erica7896 i am am28 year old male with a very good job there are men out there who wants to be a father i am one but there are females that just look over them or they just want a fling too.

This is directed to LithoMan: Dude where do you get off saying that crap below? I am 25 years of age and have yet to find Mr. Right myself. You think this is something I'm proud of? Hell no! I just wish a nice guy would come along and sweep me off my feet (yes I know it's a fairy tale) but the good guys are no longer around. They are either 6 feet under (meaning dead), gay or are already married! I would love to have bring a child into this world but I would prefer to have a strong man by my side. But if a single women, who is independant, can afford a child, etc. then by all means do it! Having a child, someone who needs you, someone for you to love is the greatest thing in the world when you can't find Mr/Mrs Right and need completion in your life. That's not a bad thing to want to be fulfilled.

dford: It depends on what you "define" as a spinster because, according to most men, anything over 19 is a spinster.