Knocking Yourself Up

I think it's extremely selfish that women should hold up their lives and desires waiting for a suitable partner. You don't hold up your career, travel plans, house buying or any other decision to wait for a mate, so why should this be any different? Life would be grand if all men and women could find their soul mates, marry and have a perfect family. WAKE UP...........that's not the world we live in and time nor life waits for no man or women. Men are out here adopting children by themselves, I'm sure if they could get pregnant they would probably look at this option as well, but they do the best they can with the options that are available. Male/Female presence............what good is it if one or both parties are psycho, or doesn't really want to be involved. What children need is love and provision. What's the difference between the father/mother being absent and dead. The remaining parent would have to love and care for the child just the same. And many great people have been reared by one parent. It's all in what you believe you can give to the child.

Like I said. Unltimately, if a woman wants to have a child on her own, then I don't care. I don't. Go ahead and be the great successful matriarch with the Ph.D., six figure salary, and a troop of test tube babies. More power to you. I have a problem when you point the finger at me (men) and say that we are the reason you are making the choice to be a single mother. "I'm having a child on my own because men are abusive and opressive and I don't need them!" Shut up. That's BS. If you are 30 or 40 and single, when you rather be in a relationship, it's not because of a deficiency in men, no matter how much your feminist ideology says otherwise. Take a good long look in the mirror because that's where the problem lies. Chances are it's because you are crazy..and by that I mean what you say you are looking for in a man and the things you actually do go for don't jive...or you are completely uncompromising and bitchy....or both.

For that matter, I will say that if I single man wants to be a single father then there shouldn't be anything keeping him from doing that either. Contrary to what alot of you are spouting with your sexist BS, many men are just as capable as any woman at raising a child. I've even seen some that are considerably better.

I feel that each person has to make their own choices in life, but why aren't these women choosing ADOPTION? There are hundreds of thousands of children out there who need a loving home, even if only with one parent. It makes no sense that these women want to have a baby so badly, but are neglecting the less fortunate children and are instead making love to a turkey baster!!

Whats the difference between women using a turkey baster and an actual father leaving his child and the mother of his child to do it alone. At least they dont have to go through the loss of a man. At least the child will grow up and know that they werent abandoned by their father that their mother choose this for them ... and then if they want to be mad they can be mad at her. It would be much worse to grow up and realize your father knew about you but just didnt care to be in your life. I dont really agree with the whole turkey baster thing I am more for the all natural gods gift kinda thing but if I were ever put in that position who knows, maybe I would knock myself up. You never know unless your there. At least these women want children and are trying to give them a great life ... so when it comes down to it was so wrong with that. There are worse evils in this world that everyone should be worried about! Plus just because a women decideds to have a child alone does not mean she will be single forever ... maybe one of those wonderful men all these people are talking about will come along and become her husband and a father to her turkey baster child.

Wow, It seems to me that we a lot of comments about what everyone else is doing/saying wrong and excuses as to why others do that wrong. Lots of comments on how people think others should act. I do know this, I am the only one accountable for my decisions, its the same for this lady and everyone else. I you object because the thought of an ideal "two parent family" then consider the fact that, that situation is NOT the norm anymore, hasn't been for a long time. Everyone has their story of parent was missing and/or should have been missing. Alot as to do with our society because the majority no long EXPECTS it to be like that and we shouldn't.
I am one of those "single financially independent" women who would consider having a baby this way if it starts to look like that will be my only option. My main problem is we don't seem to want to work together and that is the requirement for ANY relationship. I would love to have that "dream" of being a parent with a partner, but with that come the sacrifices that you have to make in being in a relationship. Picking and choosing your battles, making sure that both parties are somewhat happy, endless boughts fights and compromises and little things that just keep coming up in EVERY fight. Then you have to intentionally make the decision together to have a child which includes a huge amount of blessings but sacrifices also. People hardly do that anymore.
And now we live in a society where we don't have to be responsible for our decisions, we can choose to have sex and then oops have a baby and then naw I don't want to do that anymore. We can have fathers and mothers out there that don't care, that don't help, we can have all these people that are supposed to be an example for future generation because they had a baby the right way? What is wrong with someone consiously making a decision to have a child and spending the time and effort to do their best, one parent or two, the only thing that matters is the responsiblity and love behind the decisions made. Two unwilling parents is not better that one willing one.

To Julie, I agree, go out and get the sprem from the bank, so some stupid idiot guy don't have to give you money. Be a single parent, then do it totally alone. Don't go to the bar, get hammered, and sack the dude for the next 22 years. Be totally a single mom. You rock.

julie32784
You should have to be married to be a parent because it is what God told us to do. Not to have kids out of wedlock (in sin).

I am a single, educated 27 year old female who owns her own business. In this day and age, from my experience, men of my age group are simply not like the men of my grandfathers era. They do not want to support a family so that the wife can stay home. They want flings that satify their schedule and desires and have no respect for women. I would love to settle down and get married, but until a decent one comes along, I'll entertain the thought of insemination and / or adoption because I know deep down that I would love my children enough for two parents and I would rather raise children by myself then be stuck in an un-happy marriage that I settled for just to fulfill some Leave It To Beaver image of a two parent household.

One GOOD parent is better than two bad parents. Or even one good parent and one bad parent. I am having a baby through an anonymous donor and think my child will be much better off than with any of the men from whom I have recieved marriage offers. Not all parents SHOULD be parents and the good ones CAN do it well on their own and raise healthy, well-educated, happy children- like myself. Even if I had chosen to get married this would not have assured a good father for my child. Instead, this child will be raised surrounded by a strong network of friends and family- including some good male role-models.

Being married does NOT mean that both parents share in the raising of children. When my son was in 2nd grade, I went back to college full-time. No sooner did my second semester of freshman year begin, my husband lost his job for 2 years. Not only did I have the tremendous college load to deal with, I also continued with my dog grooming business to help make ends meet. After my school day and work day was done, I would be at home to help my son with homework, make supper, do the good night routine, and finally begin my own homework at about 10:00 pm nightly. This went on throughout my college career. I'm sick to death of his lack of support, and now that I'm finished with school and pursuing my teaching career, I'm waiting to be financially stable enough to leave him. If the husband doesn't contribute to the partnership of parenthood AND marraige, a woman is better off in every way to raise her child(ren) single handed. Homelife is more stable and loving without the trauma of an unhappy marraige. Financial stability and higher education is the key to raising children with or without two parents.

I have several comments to make about what is being discussed here

1. Having a child on your own is not being anti-man or reducing the value of men - I had several very fulfilling relationships when I was younger that I had hoped would lead to marriage - sadly they did not and the older and more successful I got the harder it was to find someone to share my life with.

2. Would I have loved to have the whole package (husband, house etc) - Sure I would, but when I turned 40 it just had not happened and I wanted to be a mom - my plan was to have one on my own and adopt one - but I found out I was pregnant with twins so the adoption never took place.

3. As to a comment about not being there for my children - they come first - yes I work hard for a living and make a 6 figure income - but I also have the flexibility in my job to be there when they are sick (work from home) and attend their school functions - my girls are in 3rd grade and I have not missed one conference or event at their school. I even volunteer in the class room. When they go to bed at 9:00 I finish my work. They are first and foremost in my life and they know that.

Is our life perfect - by no means - but is anyone's - and I am raising my daughters to be strong, self reliant women who can be anything they want to be and we are having fun along the way!

To Lovefire, boy, I bet your current relationship is going to last, already thinking about him leaving, more like you want him to leave. Thats fantastic. Good luck.

What has the world come to?? Are women really thinking about creating a life with a turkey baster?? How selfish is that? We should all, women and men alike, really be thinking why relationships have become so difficult and why all of a sudden we need higher education and $70K + to be good mothers and fathers. Stop thinking about the material things and stop being selfish and uncompromising.. Then you can all be good mothers and fathers if you stop and think about the child and not about yourself.

WOW The lady how wront this book must come a home where there was a mother and a dad , because I belive she wont write such a thing if she hadn't. I was raised by a single parent (MOM) and that was no picnic for her. No disrespect to her but I greatly wish she'd waited till marriage or seen threw the lies the sprem donor(my father) was telling, he didnt stick around. I can tell you 1st hand my childhood missed one big thing a DAD there are things moms can't teach a son unless that lady is shaving her face (I understand how MR right escaped then). Take a strong look at the world a see all children harm by selfish people please dont be one. P.S. This in Phoenix across the street from my house a single mom left her 15month old baby in the car for 7 hours while at work now he's dead and she's in jail. The week before she told family and the father she wanted her freedom back (I wonder if this book covers that part of single parenting) princapals are ever lasting truths, dont mistake them for a fads.

CollegeGal come clean and and admit you are a Spinster!

cheeky

I agree with your comment on orphans and that is also an option. The topic here is not just about artificial insemination, but also about single motherhood.

You said, "I know this will sound cruel, but it has been my experience that women who are single and realize they're getting on in years (to have children) are usually selfish and pre-occupied with themselves to begin with. That's why they're single.....and getting on in years."

Isn't that what men have been doing for decades, even centuries? Except the difference is, men is more likely able to have children with less risk than women. But men dont think you dont have a biological clock...as you age, the quality of your sperms deteriorate, and the chances of having a child with a bodily or mental deficiency is much greater. Anyway, as I was saying, these selfish behavior of men have not changed very much, but those of women have because of a changing society and women are just adapting to make the best possible choices.

I am a 32-year-old educated, professional, financially independent woman, and I would love to have children, but I won't even consider having children unless I can provide them a good man for a father, even if that means I never have children. Having babies might satisfy the "baby crazies" women in my age group tend to have, but it's not fair to children. The very best you can provide your child is a loving, two-parent family. That's what I grew up with, and I don't believe just one of my parents would have done as good of a job as they both did together. Being a child of just one parent is not something I would've chosen for myself--why would it be good enough for my child? It's sad to think a woman would deliberately engineer a situation where her child has any less love than two parents, where her child would never know himself/herself in relationship to a father, and where her child might come to real harm if something were to happen to Mommy.