Knocking Yourself Up

I think that the sad thing is really that there are a lot of men out there in their 30s who aren't "ready" for children. But if a woman is then what else is she supposed to do? Just pine and wait? Reality check people. I'm a 29 year old single mother of one who's biological father "disappeared into the unknown" and you know what? I'm a young professional, college educated woman who's child is surrounded by plenty of father figures including my own father, my brothers, brothers-in-laws and he is a very well rounded child. You wanna talk about why I'm still single? By choice, that's why. I haven't met a "man" that has shown me that he is mature and strong enough to be a father to my child. Am I picky? Of course, my child is my world and I wont let just anyone into his life. I think that if a woman is strong and has plenty of family and friends supporting her emotionally she has every right to have a child on her own. In fact I'm planning on having another child soon---with a sperm donor.

It would be interesting to know the ratio of boy babies to girl babies born as a result of this process. Assuming the woman must pay for the sperm from the sperm bank, she would not want to use it unless she were ovulating. Would she determine when she has ovulated by taking her temperature each morning with a 1/10 degree thermometer and then inseminate herself? Because the male sperm swims faster than the female sperm the woman using this method is almost assured of giving birth to a male child. Conceiving a female child is much trickier, requiring several months of temperature data collection. The woman would then inseminate herself a few days before she ovulated and rely on the fact that female sperm outlive male sperm, and trusting the male sperm to have all died before the egg is produced. In this manner she could conceive a female child.

To Grady0521: You are acting like the stereotype of males. And I think alot of males would find your comments offensive to them. Are you going to step up and be the daddy for all the girls out there who want to have a babay before something happens to them and they CANT have a baby? I dont think so. And I think you should get your information straight about feminists and feminazis. they are two different things. Not all feminists take and push their beliefs to the fullest forcefull extent that they can. Just like you, what gives you a right to push your one sided vies onto the people on this site in such a forcefull manner? Nothing. Yes you have your freedom of speech but so does everyone else. And my father is an unnesecary component in my life. He wasnt their. But as other women im sure, I belive that haveing a father would have been a wonderful thing. And I have NOTHING against men anymore. One mans decision should not be enough to affect my entire view on men. It would not be right.
Also just because a family is different does that make it wrong? What about families like mine, where my mother was my caretaker? Or families like my friend whos mother was the only caretaker? Should we have been aborted or adopted out to prevent us from being placed into a different family? And news flash, single parent families arent that unusual anymore. In fact they are becomeing more common even then two parent families, as are gay families, and adoptive families. Those are different but some f the best americans have come from families such as these. And if the child is happy with its mother than what does it make a difference? I grew up without a father and never particularly wanted a father! Sure it would have been nice but I honestly didnt care either way. My mother was all that I needed. Men arent worthless but they arent everything either. I think that if a woman and a man decide to have a child together, that is a beautiful thing. Their are tons of wonderful caring fathers out there and I respect them. Kudos to you guys. Keep it up. And does any two parents have a right to bring a child into this world just because its what THEY want? Not neccesarily. Im sure youll have the sens to agree that just because more than one person wants it does not mean that it is right. Bringing a person into this world is never a rigth it is a priveledge, and as long as you are competent, able and willing to love that child than yes, that privaledge belongs to you. and Grady, last words to you. Having a child, no matter whather your a single parent or not, is NEVER a selfish act unless that actions that follow it are selfish. As you said, caring for a child is tough EVEN for two parents. So doesnt that mean the SINGLE parent has to PUT ASIDE their own time and work extra hard to care for that child?
~Danielle, 17

I feel that it is extremely irresponsible for a woman to take on the responsibility of raising a child without the influence of a stable and caring male figure. I have seen time and time again how much children need to have the influence of a male figure in their lives. My wife has worked with children with dissabilities over the past few years and I have had the opportunity to spend a good deal of time with these children. One thing that was blaringly apparant was that the children without a father constantly in their lives were at a significant disadvantage. I don't propose to know why this is, but all of the children who did not have a constant father figure in their lives, clinged to me like you wouldn't believe. I loved it because they were ready to play in an active way since a guy was around. It was also quite sad to me, though, because I realized that these children really wanted to have that male figure in their lives constantly, as could be easily seen by the fact that most of the children asked my wife every time she came when I was coming next, even after more than a month of my not seeing them. I don't think that that had anything to do with me personally, but rather that these children despirately need the other half of the parenting unit. It is not coincidence that coitus is the natural way of having children; children need both the male and the female influence in their lives.

OK MOST OF THE TIME I STAY OUT OF THESE TYPES OF THING BUT THIS IS A GOOD TOPIC THAT THE WHOLE WORLD NEEDS TO THINK ABOUT I AM A MARRIED PARENT THAT GREW UP WITH JUST HIS MOM AND MY WHOLE CHILDHOOD I WISHED MY FATHER WAS THERE YOU KNOW SOMEONE TO THROW THAT FIRST FOOTBALL AT YOU OR BASEBALL, SOMEONE TO SHOW YOU HOW TO FISH, SOMEONE THAT WHEN YOU SEE A GIRL AND YOU GO EWWWWLL THEY SAY NO SON GIRLS ARE GOOD THIS IS WHY INSTEAD OF THE MOTHER BEING THE PROTECTOR SHE IS ALWAYS SAYING NO SON DONT DO THIS AND DONT DO THAT BECAUSE YOU WILL GET HURT OR I BETTER NOT SEE YOU TALKING TO ANY GIRLS UNTIL YOU ARE 18. MY MOTHER WAS IN COLLEGE AND HAD A FULL TIME JOB I NEVER SAW HER EXCEPT SOME WEEKENDS SHE WORKED IN A LAW FIRM SO SHE WAS ALWAYS GONE. AS A KID I GOT INTO ALOT OF TROUBLE NO FATHER FIGURE TO SAY DO THAT AGAIN AND IM GOING TO BEAT YOU NO ONE TO BE AFRAID OF. SO I THINK THAT WHEN YOU DO DECIDE TO HAVE CHILDREN YOU SHOULD HAVE A HOME A FAMILY A FULL FAMILY. NOW I AM NOT KNOCKING YOU IF YOU DO WANNA HAVE KIDS BEFORE HAVING A FAMILY BUT JUST REMEMBER ITS NOT ABOUT YOU IT IS ABOUT THE CHILD!

well where do i begin i am 28 years old and i am looking to sart my own family but the woman i want just wants me to get her pregant but i want to be with her she knows i will be a good dad and be good to her and support the family but she dont want to be commited to anything but her self all the woman say there are no good man but her is one that has been looking for a long time i was married but that did not work she cheated on the night of are marrige even when i found that out i tried to work it out but she said i was not her husband all i hear i men do this and men do that but woman do the same things as men i try to stay postive but who can in this world i want kids and a family but the women i be with do not and these are woman in their late 20 and 30 so tell me what do woman really want from a man when they try to be the things that a woman wants in her man and when he does that you dont want him but if a woman wants to get her own self knock up it will not solve anything will it i feel like some woman of the world will try to do stuff that will make the man be worthless in the world man and woman are here to love each other and that is the whole problem man and woman are not doing that.

Things are really getting out of control here. Going to a sperm bank use to be for the poor couple that needed a little help, so they could have a baby. Now it's for single women that can afford it. It is not natural for a child to come into the world without a father. It is not natural for a woman to raise a child alone. Getting help from male friends/uncles/grandfathers...is not a way for a child to have a fatherly presence. "It takes two to tango" That's how it is suppose to be period. The case where a child is without one parent or the other should only be cases where one parent passed away. Children born without a father will always wonder who they are....or why do I not have a father.... Do you think a child will understand, "I didn't meet Mr. Right"? The independant women that can not meet Mr. Right are either too picky or they enjoy playing the field.

I became a single mom after my son's father and I broke up (the traditional method of single motherhood) and had I known how much simpler and fulfilling my life would have been with just my son and I, I don't think I would have bothered trying to make that relationship work. My son and I were more of a partnership than his dad and I ever were and it's actually earsier configuring a child into your work/social plans than it is trying to get an overgrown child to agree on what the work/social plans should be, lol. I have several other girlfriends who are single mother and we have all agreed that being a single mom is often times more rewarding that being a wife/girlfriend and mother. I am recently married and a pregnant and I love my husband to pieces, but let's just say that if he doesn't want to stick around for one reason or another and I end up being a single mom again, I'll be hurt but I'll get over it......fast!

I undersatand women wanting to become mothers. But why go through so much DRAMA to have a child, alone, when there are SO many orphaned children in the US and the World that need loving homes? It has been my experience that women who are single and getting on in years (to have children) are very selfish and pre-occupied with themselves, anyway. That's why they're single.....and getting on in years.

Being a stay at home Mom is the most selfless and glorious act that a woman can do in this life. It is a gift for their children. And the only way to accomplish this is to have a wonderful husband who is willing to work for his family, andf to come home and offer to their kids only what a father can offer. Men and women are different, FOR A REASON!! It is a beautiful and glorious thing that God intended! We need to embrace the difference, not try to become asexual. I don't care what amazingly accomplished woman you are, no woman has all the attributes that equal to what a Dad and a Mom can offer tothe th

"God made it impossible for man or woman to convieve alone for a reason."

If God made it impossible, then please tell me why it's possible? Because its happening RIGHT now, and it has been for some time. Therefore it must be ok with God, since He has given us the means to do it. Then again, I'm Agnostic, so what do I know?

Being a stay at home Mom is the most selfless and glorious act that a woman can do in this life. It is a gift for their children. And the only way to accomplish this is to have a wonderful husband who is willing to work for his family, andf to come home and offer to their kids only what a father can offer. Men and women are different, FOR A REASON!! It is a beautiful and glorious thing that God intended! We need to embrace the difference, not try to become asexual. I don't care what amazingly accomplished woman you are, no woman has all the attributes that equal to what a Dad and a Mom can offer to a child.

To Tumbling, you bet, watch out for the 25 yr. old woman, she's on a mission.

Alot of selfishness here. PLEASE THINK OF THESE CHILDREN. just because you want a child does not mean you are qualified to raise on on you own. Man OR Woman. I dont care if its a gay/ *** couple, conventional couple or a large group of family and friends. A child need more then one parental guide simply for the fact 1 cannot be there all the time. DO NOT i repeat DO NOT count on daycare, babysitters, or schools. You need people close to you that can instill values in you child

What happened to the philosophy of not judging someone? Especially when you don't know that person or their situation. Speaking specifically to JE06: Who do you think you are? I am glad that you seem to have had the perfect family life and that you are content not being a parent, but there are those of us who did not grow up the way you did. Just because you bring a man into the picture, get married, and live in the house with the white picket fence does not mean that those kids are any better off than those that grew up with a single parent. I myself was raised by a single mother and thank God everyday that I was. I feel very sorry that you don't feel self confident enough to live a life of your own and stop waiting for the man that will come and take care of you and make everything better. What should be considered abhorrent is that you feel that your life and every other woman's is meaningless without a man. Even if a women were to get married it still does not mean they have the ability to stay at home and take care of their kids with nothing better to do than clean house. I am of course assuming that the person who posted that malicious comment is a woman, if it is a man then you have absolutely no point of view on the subject since you are not the one that will taking care of the kids anyways. Perhaps you should find some joy in your own life and stop judging people for what they want to do. I also think it is absolutely abhorrent that you are already judging innocent children for something there parents chose and condemning them to a life of less than those raised by a mother and a father. I hope you are hit by the reality stick very soon.

rubyjl1377
I totally agree with you

Women need to love themselves, make the right choice when they are choosing a mate and look for the right values in a man not the the ability of his sexual prowness. After women are 'bitten' by these men very often they either resort to the nice guy to mend the pieces and put with their baggages although it is the women that create these situation in the first place. Too many times women end relationship with a nice guy with for no valid reason. Women need to take responsibility for this and stop broad brushing men when they carefully seek the worst types then complain.
Women main reasons ending the relationship stable men are that they are too nice and are called wuzzies and usually leaving them for the player types that love to play head games like women. Make sense and sensibility prevails in society and not add to the social decay by impregnating themselves with sperms from phantom men. Look at the big picture when a women choose men that are players is the same as going to a sperms bank. The major factor in the equation is no commitment on the parts of these men which result in the mess the society is in today. Look at the major mistake by women(1) Shunning, spatting, destroying, attacking, de-masculinise nice guys or Mr. Right because most women cannot handle good man in a relationship on the first occassion but self distructively end the relationship to start another with a player. (2) Choosing men who are palyers then complain when they get burn and having all the resposibility of rearing the children (3) Going to the sperm bank, a act of patronising sperms from phantoms men who are not committed for a serious relationship.
In analysing the this moote it is clearly evident that women are seriously contributing towards the social decay of societies by encouraging the act irresponsible men whether they are players who move from women to women or one where their sperms are found in a sperm bank. Women are not attracted to nice men or Mr. Right but choose to do the self distructive things in life. Women need to awake and take full responsibilty for the lack of family vaues since it is they are the ones that skew a good relationship with good men infavour for degenerates.If women think they can create a child on their own they are dead wrong what they are doing is proliferating the gene pool of irresposible men by getting pregnant for them and culling the gene pool of the nice guys and Mr. Right by shunning, spatting and rejecting them.