Knocking Yourself Up

Is not existing at all truly better than being raised by one parent who really wants you and can't wait to love you? Come on people! Parenthood is the most wonderful part of life, I would never deny it from anyone! More loving moms will only make the world a better place. I mean, haven't we learned by now that there's no such thing as a perfect family. Families, like people, come in all shapes and sizes, by choice, or not by choice. When I was a kid, my best friend was an only child, and I envied her. She envied me because I had 5 brothers and sisters. There are positives and negatives to every situation. Children of single parents don't have to listen to parental bickering and wonder if it's their fault, there's no inconsistancy in discipline, they can't play one parent against the other. Seriously, these women want to love a child so much that they're willing to go against ignorant and intolerant people. They are going to make great moms! And those are some lucky kids!

franann59, that's because you didn't plan for it. You thought your husband would be there with you to the end. Sorry, but it just doesn't always happen and you should count on it. And if you were smart enough to have thought that through before you took the plunge, your "solo" experience would have been much more enjoyable. People change, women and men, and the reality is that women are the ones who end up with the baggage, unprepared, uneducated, and unable to provide for the child. Who's selfish now?

Being a stay at home Mom is the most selfless and glorious act that a woman can do in this life. It is a gift for their children. And the only way to accomplish this is to have a wonderful husband who is willing to work for his family, andf to come home and offer to their kids only what a father can offer. Men and women are different, FOR A REASON!! It is a beautiful and glorious thing that God intended! We need to embrace the difference, not try to become asexual. I don't care what amazingly accomplished woman you are, no woman has all the attributes that equal to what a Dad and a Mom can offer to a child.

To 9 Yards. All I hear in your comment is your needs and desires not that of a child. I urge you to reconsider your thoughts on the subject. The movie you are referring to was an adoption situtation, that is totally different. That child had no parent and one is better than none. But to purposly get preganant and raise a child alone because that is what will satisfy you is selfish. If you could spend one day with my 7 year old daughter"s best friend that has never known her dad you would change your mind. She has made several comments to my daughter about how lucky she is to have a dad and that she wishes and prays everyday for a dad. This little girl is much loved by family including male figures like grandfather and uncles but it has not seemed to fill the void. Giving a child that has no one a loving home is nobel but having a child because you have the abiltiy and desire with out a father is selfish and cruel.

I understand women wanting to be mothers...even if conventional factors are not in thier life. But, WHY make such a huge efoort to bring more life into this world when there are SO many children who are orphans in the US and the world that need good homes. I know this will sound cruel, but it has been my experience that women who are single and realize they're getting on in years (to have children) are usually selfish and pre-occupied with themselves to begin with. That's why they're single.....and getting on in years.

To your point Suzette - about "stealing" sperm, they make birth control for men now too. Just because a man uses a jimmy, he better make sure what happens too it, desperate women will do desperate things. Deserves him right for not protecting himself. Just like, you better make sure the kid is yours, married or not, because I've seen "kappily" married couples .end up with third party kids. Happy has many different phases, ROFLMAO!

Is not existing at all truly better than being raised by one parent who really wants you and can't wait to love you? Come on people! Parenthood is the most wonderful part of life, I would never deny it from anyone! More loving moms will only make the world a better place. I mean, haven't we learned by now that there's no such thing as a perfect family. Families, like people, come in all shapes and sizes, by choice, or not by choice. When I was a kid, my best friend was an only child, and I envied her. She envied me because I had 5 brothers and sisters. There are positives and negatives to every situation. Children of single parents don't have to listen to parental bickering and wonder if it's their fault, there's no inconsistancy in discipline, they can't play one parent against the other. Seriously, these women want to love a child so much that they're willing to go against ignorant and intolerant people. They are going to make great moms! And those are some lucky kids!

Does the book cover how and when (if?) to tell these children where they came from? Are there any studies that track the mental and emotional well-being of these children once they learn of their origins, or is it just about getting what "you" want, with no thought to anyone else?-Christine.

I was thirty when I was blessed with my little surprise. My son's father is not involved, by his own choice. Since I would not marry him he decided that he didn't want to be a father. I chose to take on having the baby by myself. Things are tough and some days I think I'm going to fail miserably, then I take a look at my now 5 yearold and I know I did the right thing. He is happier than most kids who have both parents in my same income bracket. Frankly he's happier than some who have it financially better. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have necessarily had my son without a committed relationship on purpose. I guess I'll never know because the best thing that has ever happened to me is already here. The decision was already made by the Universe for me. Everything happens for a reason. Values are changing. Men are an important part of society and they need to be a part of the young men's lives who are growing up now. It just may not be the old fashioned way...........

women in general have the right to be single mothers but, what about these children? Do they they have the right to have both parents involve?
If women need sperms to be mothers and sperms come from men, then do women need men?
The reality is that we both need each other.

I'm sorry, but I do believe that these women are being selfish. God made it impossible for man or woman to convieve alone for a reason. Children need two parents in their life. I'm married and three wonderful kids, but I couldn't imagine wanting to raise a family without my wonderful husband. He's in the army and gets deployed frequently, so I have been a single mother, it's not easy. Raising kids with a job and a husband to help is difficult enough. What about a man who's 40 something and single and wants a family? What's he supposed to do? I grew up with a friend who never new her father b/c her mom got pregnant as a teenager and didn't stay with her boyfriend. She raised my friend alone and my friend was crushed whenever there was a father-daughter dance or activity, b/c she didn't have a father to attend with. It broke my heart to see her in such pain over that. Why would you wish that on any child? I think it's just plain selfish to have a child to fulfill your needs.

It has been said that more and more men don't want to get married much less have families until they are older and some not at all. But women do have a biological clock, and are more independent and financially secure these days. Some women are in a better position to have children and support them than alot of the two parent households plus you don't have the conflicting parental guidelines. Most of the men I run into these days do not want the responsibility of being a father. It is ok to have fathered one to show you are macho, but actually assume responsibitility for it 24-7 get real. In my opinion there are few real men who are fathers and capable of being fathers today. So I say if a woman has the resources to comfortably conceive and raise a child on her own more power to her.

I commend women for deciding to become mothers without conforming to societies "expectations" that you have to be married to have children. It's actually quite funny that men are finding this independence of women disturbing when there is a large percentage of men who don't care for their children financially, or emotionally. The divorce rate is also alarmingly high. People don't place value in a committment anymore, so I don't understand how people are preaching that, "it's bad for the children to grow up without two parents," when it doesn't even make a difference anymore because "committment" seems to be a relic of the past. Also, when taking into account the statistics for predictable outcomes for children who are raised in a single parent home, are they children that come from a successful working single mother, or father? Or, are they from divorced parents, or children who have never had a mother, or father figure and are at the lower end of the income spectrum? I don't feel like it is fair to lump single, successful mothers into a group when their situation is entirely different. Eventhough it may be a little sexist, I do feel like since women have to endure the hardships of a pregnancy, including the emotional, physical, and spiritual, than it should be commended that they are making the decision to go through it alone and men shouldn't feel like their place in the circle of life is diminished by having a small portion of the female population taking away their right to properly implant their sperm.

NewGen76
Dont you realize that what you are saying is exactly my point, A child needs both father and mother, Without a mother i would not have learned certain things either, Lets face it the majority of dads cannot cook as well as dads. But when you say "who is going to teach you to dress and put on make-up etc, i agreee that the dad probably couldnt do that, but then again we arent the ones purposing this idead are we

Most of you all need to grow up. It???s a free country. Do as you please. With that said, if you can???t find that special person in your life then you never realize that you never grow up and still a little kid trying to find the perfect spouse. Grow up and blame your self and your self only for not finding that person for you. Is not his/hers fault. It is all you, you and you. Nothing in life is 100%. It will be an endless comment if I continue.

You know, my husband died when our child was 2. I raised her by myself and I must say I did a wonderful job. She is now studing to be a doctor. We are very close and I am very proud of her. I am engaged to be married now. I have no regrets in my choices, past or present.

Male Reader:

Hmm..I can't decide what's worst, being a single mother, divorcee, with no education and job because you gave up your prime years (25-35) to take care of this kid at age 40, or being a 40 yr educated woman with a great career and the option to have a child should she choose...hmm..I can decide. But just to simplify this for you, the end result is the same, except the woman will be in a much better condition, financially and emotionally, to really provide for her child. On a side note, the notion of "prime years" doesn't just refer to child bearing, but is also referred to the prime years for building a career and educated oneself to keep up with the society. A woman has the right to choose whether she wants to give up her childbearing "prime years" for a life beyond a marriage, as much as she has the right to choose giving up a career for marriage. And don't tell me that a woman can have both. You cant have your cake and eat it too. And this brings me back to my previous comment about the women has to do everything, work and take care of the kids.

Posted By: elcee8 @ 11/02/2007 1:15:26 PM
"Comment: The concept of the mother and father/nuclear family is very western and not necessarily..."

Elcee...do you know of a place on earth where the nuclear family IS NOT the norm.....? Seems to me it's very western, very eastern, very middle eastern, etc.

I am a woman who love to be married, since I was a child my goal was to have a family. It is sad for me to see a single woman or a single man, when I know that they could also have a great marriagem enjoyed it and be happy. I am not saying that you will not have difficulties, but you can overcame them. When I got married I knew it had to be until one of the two day, the first years of marriage were very difficult and I would not be marry today, if it wasn't because I invited God into my marriage, He is the creator of the marriage and the family.
With respect to single parenting by choice of course I do not agree, but I admire those single mothers who are working so hard those children right. When my daughters were in their teens it was so hard at times even with both parents, I can not even imagine how difficult it could be for a single parent.
One of my daughter reflect my personality and the other reflect my husband's personality, so when we had difficulties whith them, my husband and I help each other understanding them and we could understanding better their behavior, way of thinking and what they were going to do next. This made me think a lot about how hard is when you have an adopted child, or someone's child who you really don't know the father's behavior.